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Old 05-08-2018, 11:36 AM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 188,738 times
Reputation: 549

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It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:23 PM
 
3,342 posts, read 922,918 times
Reputation: 2571
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
Hobbies, volunteer work, visit nursing homes, help disabled people with chores, learn something you never had time for.

If you like dogs, you could get a therapy dog and bring it to visit residents in nursing homes.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Middle America
35,817 posts, read 39,346,783 times
Reputation: 48613
Setting a goal for regular community involvement is going to be key.

You might also look into support groups; they are centered around the restorative power of being around others facing similar challenges.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:30 PM
 
4,377 posts, read 1,490,886 times
Reputation: 10123
Marble cake, one thing I learned a long time ago, is that it takes time to actually get to know people. It CAN be very lonely, when you move to a new place, by yourself. It's been my experience, that it takes at least a year.


People have to get used to seeing your face. And I would imagine the more settled a neighborhood is, the longer it takes for people to warm up to a newcomer.


One thing I would suggest, is entertain people in your home. If you're going to church regularly, invite people from your Sunday School class for dinner or a party.


If you're a gardener, and you have any spare plantings or cuttings, offer up a cutting to one of your neighbors, even if you've never spoken to them before. People are usually charmed with spontaneous offerings.


Bake a cake and invite your neighbor over for coffee/tea/wine, whatever.


Just some ideas. I wish you the best, and I hope things take an upturn for you. (Virtual hugs)
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:35 PM
 
839 posts, read 1,166,774 times
Reputation: 1671
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
I'm very sorry to hear of the situation. It may sound trite but as much as you can, dig down and rekindle the activities and hobbies that brought you joy throughout the years (especially when you were a kid) and find others with those common interests through clubs, meetup groups, etc. I don't think that it's going to be easy to meet others without that common ground.

I do want to point out that you might not find much joy in those things (especially at first) if you are experiencing depression because of your situation. I think that it will be the bonds that you form with people that will be uplifting, not the activities, in the beginning. Have you considered talking with a professional about your situation? If I were in your situation I wouldn't hesitate to do so. I did notice you mentioned an antidepressant but I didn't know if it was prescribed through a GP.

Best wishes to you.
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Old 05-08-2018, 12:54 PM
 
Location: Florida
318 posts, read 188,738 times
Reputation: 549
Thanks for all your replies.
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Old 05-08-2018, 02:02 PM
 
Location: Florida
18,290 posts, read 18,533,242 times
Reputation: 20968
Marble Cake, I could have written part of your post but for the Poconos and we were married 53 years and maybe my financial situation is a bit better but not so much that it matters.
One thing is it's only been a year for you and you didn't say but, are you in the same community you wintered in or a new and strange one?
That would make it harder, too.
But I did start attending whatever functions were held, including the damned Board meetings and even went to the card game nights (Even though card playing isn't my thing)
.If not immediate neighbors, that's where you'll start meeting people.
I do understand that even if you go out, you still feel alone because right now, it's a fact...you now are.
I hate to sound trite but it is still early and you keep at it and things will improve with time.
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Old 05-08-2018, 02:12 PM
 
Location: Greater LA area
15,736 posts, read 11,744,086 times
Reputation: 30563
***hugs***
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Old 05-08-2018, 02:21 PM
 
736 posts, read 172,989 times
Reputation: 2076
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marble cake View Post
It will be a year my husband died on the 25th of this month. We were married 43 years. He didn't leave me financially secure at all. Although he was a very good provider, he never thought about the future.

I had to sell my house up north, which didn't sell for much, and I'm currently living in florida in a 55 plus community. We had intended to be snowbirds. I couldn't hold the 2 places so I sold the north hous because it was in the pocono mountains and in a very isolated area.

So now I'm in florida full time and it just hit me. This is it. I'm down here alone with no family at all. My children have problems (another thread subject). So living near them isn't a option.

I feel very down and hopeless.

I already take an antidepressant, and I go to church regularly. I guess I'll just have to adjust. I was thinking about getting a job. Yippee.

But the loneliness is terrible. Yes I do go out, but I feel alone in a crowd.

I never believed this is how I would wind up. A lonely soul.
You have to try to make friends. It may feel artificial at first, and you will likely have more failures than successes, but give it a go. In a year's time things could be good for you. Friendships based around shared interests or hobbies are easy to start - get to it. The first date will be a first date. The second more relaxed. If you hang out with a person for the third time you're already at friend. Then build on it.


There's no need to do this alone, but you will have to make an effort.
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Old 05-08-2018, 02:45 PM
 
15,871 posts, read 13,429,678 times
Reputation: 35285
Marble cake, why do you seem so negative about going to work? Most people work, and most people get a lot out of it--the collegial relationships, the fresh challenges, learning something new, the sense of accomplishment, etc. I would become very depressed at home 7 days a week with no structure or outlet for my skills and talents.

If you did not enjoy your previous career, you have the perfect opportunity to try something new. Good luck.
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