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Old 05-14-2018, 09:46 PM
 
Location: ohio
289 posts, read 128,249 times
Reputation: 209

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So in 2015 my dad who I loved and was so close to was diagnosed with leukemia and even though he kept saying he was getting better died 3 months after diagnosis ok so I'm 31 yr old and have my dad's only grandchildren I feel like I should be more back to normal than what I am. After he died I lost control I shut down I couldn't be ok. Well I have 2 kids who also loved their pap, my dad, and they rarely talk about him. When they do I try to say things that will make them happy about memories from my dad. But I am about to turn 32 and lately I've been back to crying a lot and thinking a lot about my dad we were so close and since he's died noone else in my family reaches out to me or my kids it's really upsetting cuz my mom is still alive and her and my dad have been divorced since I was a baby I thought she'd want to be more active in my and my kids lives but she doesn't care so anyway my point is I don't understand after almost 2 and a half yes why I'm still not more back to normal, like why I'm still so crushed over his death and idk I just am always thinking about him and crying and just feel so alone even though I have my own little family I'm not a child I should be dealing with this better but I'm still not ok idk how to explain I just needed to put my thoughts down also I feel like since he died I've really been stuck in a rut I know I need to get my butt in gear cuz I have 2 kids who depend on me and my dad always went above and beyond for them so I need to too but I don't know how to quit grieving so I can be and do better. My dad did everything for me and my kids and I just want to remember the good stuff about him but figure out how to be able to get on with my life idk maybe I'm not explaining it right but hopefully someone understands what I'm trying to say
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Old 05-14-2018, 10:48 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
3,717 posts, read 1,616,711 times
Reputation: 12661
I get you; although i canít imagine how scared & devastated you must be because you are still very young. I just turned 50 & I lost my mom last year & I feel like a little girl.

I canít help but feel a little jealous when I hear people who are in their 60ís talk about their still living parents. I wish I still had my beautiful mother. Iím so lucky I still have my dad but Iím so worried about him now.

Iíll bet your dad was so proud of you & those babies; he sounds like such a good man. Iíll bet you are proud of him too. I wish I could be a bigger help; Iím so sorry. This must be awful.
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Old 05-16-2018, 01:33 PM
 
3,878 posts, read 5,146,050 times
Reputation: 4462
goochgirl, I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. Have you considered some counseling? I suggest this not because there is anything wrong with grieving, but because someone experienced with grief counseling could help you to gain some perspective on your life. It was helpful for me when I needed it. Grief groups can also help, but I think they are a little hit-and-miss because some work and some don't. Losing someone very close to you is a big thing to adjust to, and perhaps, with your family responsibilities, you haven't had personal time to process your loss. Counseling could help with this.
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Old 05-16-2018, 05:37 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,595 posts, read 50,355,083 times
Reputation: 26834
Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
goochgirl, I'm sorry about the loss of your dad. Have you considered some counseling? I suggest this not because there is anything wrong with grieving, but because someone experienced with grief counseling could help you to gain some perspective on your life. It was helpful for me when I needed it. Grief groups can also help, but I think they are a little hit-and-miss because some work and some don't. Losing someone very close to you is a big thing to adjust to, and perhaps, with your family responsibilities, you haven't had personal time to process your loss. Counseling could help with this.
Please take this advice to heart. Being the best you can be for your kids is obviously important to you. Remember that thing they say in airplanes? "If the oxygen mask comes down, put yours on before helping your children." You need to do that for your kids.

You are suffering right now. There is not a single person here who wants you to suffer in any way. As a group, we can help hold the oxygen mask to YOUR face, but you may need a pilot to help get the plane down safely.
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Old 05-29-2018, 05:36 PM
 
Location: S.W. Florida
1,517 posts, read 589,529 times
Reputation: 4168
Quote:
Originally Posted by goochgirl View Post
So in 2015 my dad who I loved and was so close to was diagnosed with leukemia and even though he kept saying he was getting better died 3 months after diagnosis ok so I'm 31 yr old and have my dad's only grandchildren I feel like I should be more back to normal than what I am. After he died I lost control I shut down I couldn't be ok. Well I have 2 kids who also loved their pap, my dad, and they rarely talk about him. When they do I try to say things that will make them happy about memories from my dad. But I am about to turn 32 and lately I've been back to crying a lot and thinking a lot about my dad we were so close and since he's died noone else in my family reaches out to me or my kids it's really upsetting cuz my mom is still alive and her and my dad have been divorced since I was a baby I thought she'd want to be more active in my and my kids lives but she doesn't care so anyway my point is I don't understand after almost 2 and a half yes why I'm still not more back to normal, like why I'm still so crushed over his death and idk I just am always thinking about him and crying and just feel so alone even though I have my own little family I'm not a child I should be dealing with this better but I'm still not ok idk how to explain I just needed to put my thoughts down also I feel like since he died I've really been stuck in a rut I know I need to get my butt in gear cuz I have 2 kids who depend on me and my dad always went above and beyond for them so I need to too but I don't know how to quit grieving so I can be and do better. My dad did everything for me and my kids and I just want to remember the good stuff about him but figure out how to be able to get on with my life idk maybe I'm not explaining it right but hopefully someone understands what I'm trying to say
I am so very sorry that you lost your dad. Itís been less than three years,which isnít long in the big picture,so itís only natural that you are still grieving his loss. When a loved one that we are very close to leaves us it can be devastating for all involved. It can also take a long,long time to come to terms with it.

I lost my dad when I was just 12,and for me my life was never again ďnormalĒ. If Iím being honest, it wasnít until I was in my 40ís that I finally let him go emotionally. Thatís a long time to wonder ďwhat ifĒ or what might have been. The greatest life lesson for me has been that everyone deals with death differently and at their own pace. And thereís not a thing wrong with that.

I strongly suggest that you get some counseling. If you canít afford a high priced counselor at least look into visiting with a minister or someone who deals with this regularly. You might be surprised at how much they can help. Believe it or not, there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Since as you say your dad did everything for you,itís up to you now to learn how to do for yourself and your children. I have no doubt that you will pick up the pieces and move forward with your life, after all you had an amazing example of how to do just that.
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Old 05-29-2018, 05:45 PM
 
Location: Somewhere in northern Alabama
16,595 posts, read 50,355,083 times
Reputation: 26834
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ron61 View Post
I am so very sorry that you lost your dad. Itís been less than three years,which isnít long in the big picture,so itís only natural that you are still grieving his loss. When a loved one that we are very close to leaves us it can be devastating for all involved. It can also take a long,long time to come to terms with it.

I lost my dad when I was just 12,and for me my life was never again ďnormalĒ. If Iím being honest, it wasnít until I was in my 40ís that I finally let him go emotionally. Thatís a long time to wonder ďwhat ifĒ or what might have been. The greatest life lesson for me has been that everyone deals with death differently and at their own pace. And thereís not a thing wrong with that.

I strongly suggest that you get some counseling. If you canít afford a high priced counselor at least look into visiting with a minister or someone who deals with this regularly. You might be surprised at how much they can help. Believe it or not, there is light at the end of this very dark tunnel. Since as you say your dad did everything for you,itís up to you now to learn how to do for yourself and your children. I have no doubt that you will pick up the pieces and move forward with your life, after all you had an amazing example of how to do just that.
Thank you for your comments. I suspect that they are more healing than you know to many people.
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Old 05-29-2018, 11:21 PM
 
1,276 posts, read 653,713 times
Reputation: 3116
Quote:
Originally Posted by goochgirl View Post
So in 2015 my dad who I loved and was so close to was diagnosed with leukemia and even though he kept saying he was getting better died 3 months after diagnosis ok so I'm 31 yr old and have my dad's only grandchildren I feel like I should be more back to normal than what I am. After he died I lost control I shut down I couldn't be ok. Well I have 2 kids who also loved their pap, my dad, and they rarely talk about him. When they do I try to say things that will make them happy about memories from my dad. But I am about to turn 32 and lately I've been back to crying a lot and thinking a lot about my dad we were so close and since he's died noone else in my family reaches out to me or my kids it's really upsetting cuz my mom is still alive and her and my dad have been divorced since I was a baby I thought she'd want to be more active in my and my kids lives but she doesn't care so anyway my point is I don't understand after almost 2 and a half yes why I'm still not more back to normal, like why I'm still so crushed over his death and idk I just am always thinking about him and crying and just feel so alone even though I have my own little family I'm not a child I should be dealing with this better but I'm still not ok idk how to explain I just needed to put my thoughts down also I feel like since he died I've really been stuck in a rut I know I need to get my butt in gear cuz I have 2 kids who depend on me and my dad always went above and beyond for them so I need to too but I don't know how to quit grieving so I can be and do better. My dad did everything for me and my kids and I just want to remember the good stuff about him but figure out how to be able to get on with my life idk maybe I'm not explaining it right but hopefully someone understands what I'm trying to say

I couldn't read your whole OP. It was a block of text. Paragraphs would probably get more replies. So I am responding to your thread title...


I LOVE my father. He is my hero. I dread the day I have to hear that he is "gone". So, I can only assume that your dad was a huge part of your life and I can only imagine the pain you feel from losing him.



I honestly dread the day that I have to deal with that. My dad is such an important part of my life and I am terrified at the thought of him no longer being in my life. He has always been there for me. I am so sorry your dad is gone. I can only imagine the pain you are going through. I think I will be like you and feel the same years after my father is gone. I can't even think about that day because I don't know how I will be able to deal with it. It scares me.
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Old 05-30-2018, 09:03 AM
 
Location: Nantahala National Forest, NC
13,411 posts, read 2,636,456 times
Reputation: 19160
Sorry for your loss OP.

There is no set time for grieving....it takes as long as it takes.

But if you have concern, counseling is suggested...
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Old 05-30-2018, 11:14 AM
 
287 posts, read 153,600 times
Reputation: 375
For what it's worth, I understand. I lost my Grandpa in 1991, my Grandma in 1992 and my mom (their daughter) in 2003. I have never gotten over these deaths. I don't think I ever will.


At least you have kids and presumably a husband to "replace" them. I don't even have that.



Anyway, I hope things work out for you. Good luck.
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Old 06-03-2018, 01:01 AM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,008 posts, read 21,060,258 times
Reputation: 26876
I didn't have time to think about my dad much after he died (nearly 22 years ago) because mom became quite ill. The stress nearly killed her. They were married and living in the same house. Every new day reminded her that he was gone. I lived three hours away and spent more time in a car than I ever had in my life.
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