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Old 07-03-2018, 05:25 AM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,996,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I agree. People stopped inviting me to parties because I was suddenly single. Did they think I was going to hit on their husband? These people had been friends for years, and they pretty much dropped me.

It was different, but sort of like that for me. One day I really enjoyed something that I ate. I couldn't tell you what I had swallowed in the months leading up to that. Something that had calories. I lost a lot of weight.
I'm sorry this happened to you.
this is when you find out who your true friends really are....
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Old 07-03-2018, 05:26 AM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,996,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Not all widows have a network of friends. I choose to be alone. I always have been except when married, I am comfortable with it. No problem.
I do to...I now have a small network of friends, by choice only....
and they are all retired, and still don't get that I want to be alone, people forget what it's like to work full time....
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Old 07-03-2018, 12:21 PM
 
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I think that having friends and activities is important, although it depends on each person. But even having an extensive social network does not relieve the loneliness of being without your spouse. No matter how much I enjoy my dinner out or my day on the trail with others, when I come home, I am alone. I can't tell my husband about my adventures and challenges. We can't share our opinions or our feelings about people and places. We can't comfort each other when an activity has gone poorly and we can't support each other in our ongoing interests or plan activities together. I am alone in reviewing the events of the day, when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning.

Friends are important, but they can only go so far in filling the void. So we have to somehow make peace with the alone-ness that remains. Becoming comfortable with single life is the challenge.
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Old 07-04-2018, 04:11 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,364 posts, read 21,386,967 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Love your post, gbh.

Oh, I so hear you about being alone when sick, Gerania! That is the pits. I spent 3 days this past Fall sleeping in my recliner, only getting up to go to the bathroom because I was so sick. No food, no smokes, no nada. I almost thought I was going to expire myself in that chair. It sucked.
I've done the recliner thing. At least I had one. After my accident, my son stayed for a few days, thankfully, because I got stuck in mid-cline. He had to haul me out of the chair before I wet myself. It wasn't pretty. The metal parts were a bit rusty, so he cleaned them them up and greased them.
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Old 07-05-2018, 02:40 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,062 posts, read 17,917,378 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gerania View Post
I've done the recliner thing. At least I had one. After my accident, my son stayed for a few days, thankfully, because I got stuck in mid-cline. He had to haul me out of the chair before I wet myself. It wasn't pretty. The metal parts were a bit rusty, so he cleaned them them up and greased them.
Oh my! That was a predicament! Thank goodness for your son! Hope your recliner is behaving properly now. Yeah, I dread getting sick. Thank goodness my flu shot seems to work except once a year.
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Old 07-07-2018, 10:18 PM
 
Location: The house I built
262 posts, read 117,071 times
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It has been 20 months since my wife passed. I get invites but I tell them I am not ready. I still cry at the simplest things and I don't want to make a scene or be a downer at anyone's party. So my solitude is self imposed. I don't know how people close to me would handle things because I have not given them a chance. In my case grief is a singular thing.
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Old 07-08-2018, 06:10 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,062 posts, read 17,917,378 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
It has been 20 months since my wife passed. I get invites but I tell them I am not ready. I still cry at the simplest things and I don't want to make a scene or be a downer at anyone's party. So my solitude is self imposed. I don't know how people close to me would handle things because I have not given them a chance. In my case grief is a singular thing.
I hear you, stevie.
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Old 07-09-2018, 10:50 AM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,996,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by G Grasshopper View Post
I think that having friends and activities is important, although it depends on each person. But even having an extensive social network does not relieve the loneliness of being without your spouse. No matter how much I enjoy my dinner out or my day on the trail with others, when I come home, I am alone. I can't tell my husband about my adventures and challenges. We can't share our opinions or our feelings about people and places. We can't comfort each other when an activity has gone poorly and we can't support each other in our ongoing interests or plan activities together. I am alone in reviewing the events of the day, when I go to bed and when I wake up in the morning.

Friends are important, but they can only go so far in filling the void. So we have to somehow make peace with the alone-ness that remains. Becoming comfortable with single life is the challenge.
I have not had a problem with being alone, but, was alone most of my life, and I have MS now, which creates a problems socially for me. Meaning, I chose my friends carefully now...I must...and when people begin to smother me, it becomes overwhelming...emotionally...I actually need to be alone...so I don't mind being alone...

Maybe you could start a journal of sorts, date each log, and talk about your experiences on paper, or start a blog...it might be something wonderful to leave behind, for loved ones to read when your no longer here.? Just a thought?
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Old 07-09-2018, 10:56 AM
 
25,141 posts, read 22,996,000 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stevie60 View Post
It has been 20 months since my wife passed. I get invites but I tell them I am not ready. I still cry at the simplest things and I don't want to make a scene or be a downer at anyone's party. So my solitude is self imposed. I don't know how people close to me would handle things because I have not given them a chance. In my case grief is a singular thing.
Would you like to talk about it....(you don't have to answer me) but why not join a group session. I know a woman who went, and she said it helped, however, it's not for everyone, you need to decide...but you share your inner most feelings with each other, and it does help some, by listening to others.

When I read the pain that people go thru missing their loved ones, as yourself, it makes me think about all the loveliness you've had in your life thru another...

One thing, though, is you cannot measure your pain of loss or how someone else would handle it, and apply that to you...b/c we're all different.

Be good to you, by giving yourself all the time you need....

doesn't matter how others would handle it, or themselves, during this time...

but one thing, some people never find that kind of love their whole lifetime...

try and focus on the good memories....if you can....
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Old 07-09-2018, 10:38 PM
 
Location: The house I built
262 posts, read 117,071 times
Reputation: 660
The group thing works for some people. I went to a single meeting and it is not for me. I relive all of the heartache just fine by myself without sharing it with others. Everyone's story is just tragic and it feels more like piling on the hurt rather than making it go away.



Everyone finds their own way I suppose.
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