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Old 08-21-2018, 11:42 PM
 
1,084 posts, read 302,123 times
Reputation: 1370

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Galaxy_ View Post
let me tell you this: I am an immigrant and i did not just leave my home and my parents. I left EVERYTHING - school and college memories, siblings, friends, great jobs, culture and people speaking my native language.



What really helped me to move on is my new -better place and my ability to look forward instead of back. I knew that life was continuing and i had to do something to make it BETTER, yes better than it was before.



Do i miss my 'previous life'? I used to but not anymore. My new life, new events and new memories have overlapped the old ones. You better realize that there is life out there FOR YOU. No need to forget your past but you can create happy present and future too. Think about it. You owe it to yourself.
Youre right, I still have family here that I can lean on, and I am moving forward. But I dont want to bury any of the thoughts about how great my parents were to me. I want to make sure I dont forget anything they have done for me.
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Old 08-23-2018, 06:34 PM
 
8,268 posts, read 8,554,046 times
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If, as you say, it has to be sold, then, yes, pictures are a good idea. (I assume you're given thought as to whether you'd like to live there and have a boarder, or whether it would be feasible to rent it out.)

Do you think you might like to have one or two parties there - either your friends or theirs? It might start off some pleasant memories, and you might find it comforting to have a companionable evening or two there with people who knew your parents.

Sorry that you had to go through that double loss.
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Old 08-24-2018, 11:31 AM
 
1,084 posts, read 302,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cida View Post
If, as you say, it has to be sold, then, yes, pictures are a good idea. (I assume you're given thought as to whether you'd like to live there and have a boarder, or whether it would be feasible to rent it out.)

Do you think you might like to have one or two parties there - either your friends or theirs? It might start off some pleasant memories, and you might find it comforting to have a companionable evening or two there with people who knew your parents.

Sorry that you had to go through that double loss.
We already had the repass there, so im good on parties.
We are definitely against renting it out, thats just asking for pure headaches in this area.
I already have a house, so I dont need to live there.
We already have a buyer on the house that is currently working on contracts.
At this point the house is losing my attachment with my parents gone. Im just trying to see what else I need to do for sentimental value before we turn over the house completely to the new owners.
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Old 08-25-2018, 02:21 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,585 posts, read 18,230,863 times
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Once I did sell the house, Harry, it lost its attachment to me. I even went back to visit old neighbors and didn't feel sad any more.
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Old 08-25-2018, 10:36 PM
 
1,084 posts, read 302,123 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Once I did sell the house, Harry, it lost its attachment to me. I even went back to visit old neighbors and didn't feel sad any more.
Yeah I hear ya.

The memories are fading quickly, so this will happen to me

Now Im just used to clearing out the house, as opposed to the times I used to walk in there with two parents happy to see me.
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Old 08-26-2018, 11:46 AM
 
Location: WA
616 posts, read 305,820 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
So my parents have both passed, my Mom in April, and my Dad two weeks ago.
So not only am I a wreck because of my parents passing, the house that I grew up in, have much of my childhood memories in, and that my parents lived in since 1978 has to be sold. The house feels really empty now because my parents are gone. This is the place that they chose, bought, raised us in, paid off, and lived out their retirement.

This house was basically my home base until recently. Most of the holidays were spent there throughout my lifetime. It wasnt until my Dad passed that I realized this is going away permanently. I wont have any reason to go back to my hometown anymore. Its either my house, my older brothers house in North jersey or my Uncles family in Virginia.

Not to mention my own house feels empty, because my Dad and I found it together, and it was supposed to be his home away from home, he was a big part of helping me with my house, and my neighbors love him. But because of my Moms growing dementia he couldnt come down as often as he wanted to, and couldnt stay over. I feel really lost now.

I know I have to get over this eventually, but am I way off base? Should I just rely on pictures? Will I be able to cope with letting the house go in the future? The reality is I cant keep it the way it is, its not sensible.

I just wanted to know if there was anyone else that had to part with a longtime home base? Everyone I talk to moved around alot so they didnt get attached to any place they grew up.

Has anyone else had to deal with such a situation?
I'm sorry for your loss(es). I can relate in some ways. I moved away from my hometown many years ago but enjoyed visiting my mom and sister every year (parents divorced and dad died 1999). Anyway, almost 5 years ago my mom died and my sister and I subsequently became estranged.

So it feels like I've lost my home. I had to go to that area recently and it was heartbreaking to realize without my mom there (and no contact with sister) I felt like I didn't belong there anymore. In fact it feels like part of my foundation and history is gone, another loss. I guess since I'm single it always felt like home was where I grew up and my family was.

Good luck with whatever you end up doing and hope you have peace with whatever decisions you make.
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Old 08-26-2018, 12:04 PM
 
9,358 posts, read 7,371,988 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Harry Hemi View Post
Thank you both. Untethered balloon is right. I do have great support with family and friends though.

I have been gathering all the keepsakes I can to remind me of my parents. The house is only an hour away from mine, so I can keep all I want. We arent rushing to sell the house. But it looks like even in time as I make new memories in my house, the memories and yearning for the home base will eventually fade. Thats how the brain works I guess.
You are creating a new home base in your home.
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Old 08-26-2018, 06:33 PM
 
Location: Guess!
111 posts, read 16,026 times
Reputation: 157
Deepest sympathy, OP!

And yes, I understand.

Change is hard, but inevitable.

Nothing stays the same or lasts forever; nope, not even Dick Clark!

Allow yourself a period of mourning and adjustment.

If you have children, think about giving them the same wonderful memories and feeling of "home " you were given. It is a gift!!
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Old 08-26-2018, 10:10 PM
 
974 posts, read 680,777 times
Reputation: 1797
Sorry for your loss. We all go through it. But, yeah, you have to get over it. I think 95% of us that lost both parents also lost their home base. Not many people buy the house they grew up in. Pictures are all you got. You have to live in the present. You canít go home. When I go back to visit the house I grew up in, the entire street looks different. Trees are all cut down. The street is lined with cars where in the 60s an$ 70s growing up, there wasnít a car on the road because every family had just one car and the man would drive it to work. So, the streets were all clear for us to play baseball and sports in the street. But, there is nothing for me to go back to. The neighbors are all gone. That is what life is.

Once you are finished grieving your loss, you need to move on. Keep your parents in your thoughts. Thatís all the4e is from now on. Best wishes.
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Old 08-30-2018, 10:10 PM
 
1,084 posts, read 302,123 times
Reputation: 1370
Thank you all, all of this helps!
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