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Old 10-10-2018, 07:51 PM
 
1 posts, read 252 times
Reputation: 17

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I lost my beautiful husband 8 months ago to suicide and I have been blamed very harshly for his death by all of his family. My husband and I loved each other completely he was my soul mate the love of my life. My husband was a alcoholic and suffered from PSTD AND DEPRESSION due to a horrific childhood and drinking was his way to numb the pain. We had a fight the night before due to him not working for 3 years and his drinking we had to start selling funiture and personal belongings just to try and feed us I was the only one working and my health was doing down hill due to the stress. But I loved my husband with all my heart and soul I just wanted us to have a better life. My name has been trashed all over social media and I feel like I canít Freud probably for him due to all the horrible things being said about me the one person that always protected me is gone and I feel so alone and lost without him. How do I get through this I already blame myself because if I had only kepted my mouth shut he would still be here with me. All I have wanted to do was come together as a family and help each other I was very close to his family well I thought I was. I would give my life to have him home with me to hold him and never let him go.
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Old 10-10-2018, 08:54 PM
 
Location: Dallas TX
14,250 posts, read 20,476,060 times
Reputation: 20038
I am so sorry for your loss. Please take it to heart, his death is not your fault.
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Old 10-10-2018, 09:32 PM
 
Location: The World
3,007 posts, read 1,795,424 times
Reputation: 7736
I, too, am so sorry for your loss. This is absolutely not your fault. It's not necessarily true that he would still be here if you had "kept your mouth shut." His depression is not your fault, and your words are not what caused him to kill himself.

It's unfortunately not uncommon for family and friends to want to find someone to blame. Although not uncommon, it definitely is not fair.

I cannot imagine the pain you're going through.
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Old 10-10-2018, 10:22 PM
 
Location: El paso,tx
1,462 posts, read 562,149 times
Reputation: 2280
I'm so very sorry. But, its not your fault. Alcohol is a depressant. And the results of alcoholism, often are financial ruin. He may have felt guilty due to his drinking, and then, add the depressive effect of booze, decided on the spur of the moment to take his life. Or maybe he didn't actually think it would succeed, and was either a manipulative behavior or a cry for help.
But no matter what, you were not at fault. Rational adults can handle relationship fighting. 99 percent of people who fight in a relationship DON'T kill themselves.
Your relatives are hurting and trying to look for a reason why. They need to blame something or someone, and you are the easy target.
I might write a letter to them, explaining how much you loved him, and that arguments among couples are normal, and dont result in suicide. Explain how hurt you are by his death and the loss of your family for support.
And that you know they are hurting too. But that your arms are open to them when they are ready.
Then do your own grieving, maybe even attending a suicide survivors group. It might help you immensely.
But it isn't your fault.

Last edited by Spottednikes; 10-10-2018 at 10:50 PM..
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Old 10-10-2018, 10:53 PM
 
82 posts, read 4,587 times
Reputation: 66
I am so sorry for your loss ..... Like the others have said this is NOT your fault.....

His family doesnt really know what went on between you both and that you loved him dearly...... They are just upset....... I hope they calm down and see clearly soon...

Peace and love to you.... Thank you for coming to city-data
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Old 10-10-2018, 11:24 PM
 
Location: The World
3,007 posts, read 1,795,424 times
Reputation: 7736
Quote:
Originally Posted by Spottednikes View Post
I'm so very sorry. But, its not your fault. Alcohol is a depressant. And the results of alcoholism, often are financial ruin. He may have felt guilty due to his drinking, and then, add the depressive effect of booze, decided on the spur of the moment to take his life. Or maybe he didn't actually think it would succeed, and was either a manipulative behavior or a cry for help.
But no matter what, you were not at fault. Rational adults can handle relationship fighting. 99 percent of people who fight in a relationship DON'T kill themselves.
Your relatives are hurting and trying to look for a reason why. They need to blame something or someone, and you are the easy target.
I might write a letter to them, explaining how much you loved him, and that arguments among couples are normal, and dont result in suicide. Explain how hurt you are by his death and the loss of your family for support.
And that you know they are hurting too. But that your arms are open to them when they are ready.
Then do your own grieving, maybe even attending a suicide survivors group. It might help you immensely.
But it isn't your fault.
I agree with this entire post, but especially the bolded. That is a very important part for you to understand, OP, and for his family to understand, too.
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Old 10-11-2018, 04:36 PM
 
4,079 posts, read 3,418,836 times
Reputation: 8057
This is awful. I am sorry for your pain. It is not your fault that your husband was an alcoholic and chose to take his own life. Please just stay completely off social media.

Find some free grief support group to attend from your church, local hospital, and/or attend ANON meetings. You need work through the grief. And then also all the dysfunction that comes from being with an alcoholic.

I hope you can find peace and that each day gets a bit easier for you.
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