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Old 10-18-2018, 07:21 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
Reputation: 1753

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Five years today my Mother was taken off life support as I held her hand, she passed. I have also lost my day two years, two months ago, so jointly I am thinking about this loss today.

The worst part is I am currently pregnant with my first due to deliver in the upcoming weeks, and my baby will not know her Grandparents/my parents, and the family has since fallen apart to the point where knowing my daughter is not on anyone' s radar in my family. When my Mom passed, the family stopped reaching out. When I reached out to tell them I am pregnant, all but one sister basically said congrats, good luck, and that's it. My husband's family are emotionally unavailable, in their own world kind of people, and barely talk to him so we think this baby is going to really only know my husband and I, my sister's family, and grandparents/in-laws that come by for the free holiday dinners and don't even remember her name.

I really miss my parents when I think of that because although they would think I am crazy for having a child later in life, they would have been thrilled to see her and spend time with her. I am all for creating new traditions, and bringing out photo albums to our little girl to show pictures of my holiday's past with my family. My mom used to have a little Christmas tree for me and every year she would buy a round, silk year based ornament. She had it for all my years of life up until I was 13 or 14 when they stopped selling them like that. The tree has since been destroyed due to mold and poor storage, but it was a nice memory I have of her on this day. She would take simple things and try to make them special. We too didn't have a whole lot of family except for siblings and their families coming over (all my grandparents were dead except for a "holiday only" Grandma who came along for free food and asked the same questions each year as she kept looking at clock for when it was time for her to drive home).

So although I am sad looking at calendar, I am trying to keep memories and ideas alive today, and carry some of these ideas onto my daughter. Also, try not to get bothered when I get very little family interest with my newborn daughter from the family I still have left, while I still carry a torch for the family members who passed.
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Old 10-18-2018, 08:01 AM
 
Location: In the house we finally own!
369 posts, read 176,897 times
Reputation: 1503
I am sorry you are feeling sad that your daughter will never know her grandparents. Getting older is so very hard, as family and friends drift apart and become uninterested in each other's lives. About 10 years ago, I became disabled, and my priorities of what gave my life meaning changed. Spending time with my kids and grandkids was what I cherished the most.

When economic issues forced us to live farther apart, it broke my heart. We can't afford to visit them, and they can't afford to visit us, but we are still in close contact, so I at least have that. My first Christmas without them was one of the saddest days of my life, and the holidays are still very hard for me. Even so, as they create new traditions of their own, they continue to follow some family traditions as well. I believe that this helps to keep family memories alive to pass on to the next generations.

OP, although your daughter won't have memories of your parents, in some ways you will keep them alive through your own traditions and memories, and she will pass these on to her own children. I believe you will also make the simplest things special for her, because your own mom did that for you. Your parents will always be a part of who you are, and will become part of who she is through you. But I think you already know that.
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Old 10-18-2018, 10:23 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18814
OP, I never knew my paternal grandparents but grew up thinking and feeling I did from stories my Dad told. To this day I still feel that they were part of my life.
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Old 10-18-2018, 11:52 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by WoundedSpirit View Post
I am sorry you are feeling sad that your daughter will never know her grandparents. Getting older is so very hard, as family and friends drift apart and become uninterested in each other's lives. About 10 years ago, I became disabled, and my priorities of what gave my life meaning changed. Spending time with my kids and grandkids was what I cherished the most.

When economic issues forced us to live farther apart, it broke my heart. We can't afford to visit them, and they can't afford to visit us, but we are still in close contact, so I at least have that. My first Christmas without them was one of the saddest days of my life, and the holidays are still very hard for me. Even so, as they create new traditions of their own, they continue to follow some family traditions as well. I believe that this helps to keep family memories alive to pass on to the next generations.

OP, although your daughter won't have memories of your parents, in some ways you will keep them alive through your own traditions and memories, and she will pass these on to her own children. I believe you will also make the simplest things special for her, because your own mom did that for you. Your parents will always be a part of who you are, and will become part of who she is through you. But I think you already know that.
Thank you for the encouraging words, and I am also sorry the holidays are so hard for you - I can relate!
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Old 10-18-2018, 11:53 AM
 
Location: PA
839 posts, read 958,108 times
Reputation: 1753
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
OP, I never knew my paternal grandparents but grew up thinking and feeling I did from stories my Dad told. To this day I still feel that they were part of my life.
That's a good thing to keep in mind that I can tell her plenty of stories!
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Old 10-18-2018, 04:26 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,432 posts, read 18,144,759 times
Reputation: 18814
Quote:
Originally Posted by bluemonday View Post
That's a good thing to keep in mind that I can tell her plenty of stories!
Yes it is.
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