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Nice to read all the comments. Really got me thinking about death. It is the great unknown. Almost seems like death gives us the right/permission to pass on when we say so, when our loved ones are around us. To the OP, like everyone has said, you need not beat yourself up. You were there!
Sad to read but as noted, not uncommon. So please try to find some peace from your guilt OP, as the chosen time of our loved ones death, is out of our control.
When my FIL was dying of emphysema he made my wife promise to him, to NOT let him spend his last days in a hospital. So we moved him in to our home for his last year of life.
For the last 4 days of his time left, my wife called in Hospice daily to assist in his pain relief. My wife stayed right by her Dad's bed, while not even showering for his last two days of life.
Because she feared if she left him for too long of time, he would die while she was gone. So she would make herself a quick sandwich and get a drink, and then go right back to his bedside.
On his last day, the Hospice tech came to our home to give him his pain meds. My wife asked the tech to please watch over her Dad for just 20 minutes, as she just HAD to go take a shower.
My FIL passed away while his daughter was taking her 20 minute shower. My wife tormented herself mentally for almost a year after his passing, for going and taking that shower.
In our case, the hospice nurse told us to tell the dying good bye and tell them that it is ok for them to go.
She was a very experienced older lady - she said that a dying person sense of hearing goes last and they “ need” to hear that the loved ones are fine in letting them go...
She even suggested that we turn on low levels of music and leave the room...
It is exactly how it happened: a few minutes later our loved one was gone...
I'm not sure if I'm doing this right but my mom passed 8 months ago the 16th of this month and I have beat myself up for the whole 8 of them. I stayed with her at hospital the whole time for a week when she was in hospice. I slept there ,ate there, showered there , never left her room and the minute I left room to make a phone call she died . I was out of room maybe 10 minutes but her best friend was in there with her or I wouldn't have moved for a second. But when I got back in room the nurse was checking her vitals and said she's gone. I felt horrible and have this whole time until I read other stories on here that had the same thing happen. So I feel a little better but I was very close to my mom. We talked or seen each other several times a day and now she's gone. I am glad I found this forum. Thank you
I don't look here much at all because it's a tough topic. But saw your tag line paging down. Don't blame yourself because this happened. It's actually a statistic that many people pass away when their loved one or favorite one leaves the room. It's their last choice to let go then instead of in front of their loved one.
Interesting. My mother did it too, and I know she must have heard me talking [although she had not spoken in a couple of days], telling my husband I had to go to an appointment at the Cardiologist office. It was just a routine appointment and did not last very long; I was back home in an hour. I am certain she did that on purpose. She had a great sense of humor and I actually can chuckle about it now.
Mimi - the same thing happened when my husband died. He was in Hospice for 8 days; I never left his room, even snuggled with him in bed. We all knew the end was near and he waited for me to close my eyes for a few minutes to pass. The hospice workers told me they see this all the time; it's like your loved one wants to make this final journey alone. I felt so guilty under they told me this. You did nothing wrong.
....Please don't spend one more minute blaming yourself for leaving for that short time. I don't have an explanation for why this happens, but it does. Even when the person appears to be unresponsive, something seems to allow them to take their exit when the people they love most aren't watching.
Yes, and then there are those people who make it to the bedside of a loved one just minutes before they die, and they are convinced that their loved one "waited for me." Perhaps, perhaps not.
But in the end we all have to let go of our dead.
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