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Old 11-09-2018, 07:04 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,938 posts, read 2,276,193 times
Reputation: 6123

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My second cousin and I were born just 12 days apart and grew up together.
Our families would joke that we were more like brothers or twins since we both had the same interests in nerdy stuff like science and the arts. We were close until I moved to Florida when I was around 9.
Even though we kept in touch the distance and life in general got in the way and we just drifted apart and would hear from each other once in a while.

Today I received a call that my cousin collapsed in his shower and had suffered a brain aneurysm & is on life support. The doctors say there is no hope and tomorrow morning he will be taken off life support.
His life will end at the young age of 50.
Life is so unfair sometimes.
I'm angry at myself for not being able to say goodbye to him or tell him how much I loved him or how much he meant to me growing up.
I just wish we had more time together.
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Old 11-09-2018, 07:47 PM
 
13,052 posts, read 12,581,346 times
Reputation: 37471
I'm so sorry. Cousins hold a special role in our lives - mine are like my siblings. And I remember being heartbroken for my old boss who lost the cousin he grew up with when they were in their early 60s. I remember I stopped by his office to offer condolences and he said "Jrz, I just always thought we would grow old together." I came as close as I ever have to crying at work that day.

Hugs to you at this difficult time. But trust me, he knew what he meant to you. I am very certain of that.
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Old 11-09-2018, 07:59 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,938 posts, read 2,276,193 times
Reputation: 6123
Thank you for your support.
It's just so surreal that I'm having a hard time believing what happened to him.
He always lived a healthy lifestyle and took good care of himself.
This just came out of left field.
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Old 11-09-2018, 10:13 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,203 posts, read 16,630,946 times
Reputation: 13484
Brain aneurysms often give little notice. I lost my 51-year-old wife after an aneurysm burst in her beautiful brain. She had gone upstairs to take a bath, ran the bath but never got into the tub. I heard a moan a few minutes later but figured it was a reaction to something one of the cats had done, not at all unusual. Five minutes later I heard another moan and ran upstairs to check. She had left the (unused) water in the tub, put on her "proper" night gown (only worn a time or two when visiting my parents) and lay on the bed comforter. I screamed her name as I walked through the door, as it was obvious she was lifeless at that point.

I called 911 and began giving her CPR, then turned it over to the police when they arrived a minute or two later, followed by the ambulance crew in another minute or two. She was on life support for 36 hours, but a scan showed she had no brain function.

The warnings were a brief "odd feeling" in her head a week earlier, after which she saw her doctor and was told she probably needed to adjust some meds, and a nagging headache that bothered her for most of the week. It wasn't a severe headache, just bothersome enough that we'd cancelled a weekend trip that we had planned.

She was on life support long enough for her daughters to arrive and say their goodbyes and for a surgical team to arrive to harvest her organs for donation. Obviously, "she" wasn't there for the goodbyes, only her lifeless body was present.

My wife worked out daily, was a trim 125 pounds, ate healthy, hiked in the mountains weekly. She was the smartest and kindest person I've ever known. All that gone in an instant. I didn't have time to say goodbye either. I didn't even return her kiss when she kissed me on the head on the way to her bath.

We all have regrets when someone we love passes. It's part of life and part of death. It's hard to accept. One of my wife's acquaintances wanted me to instruct the mortician to open her casket because she couldn't believe she was dead. My wife was loved by hundreds and admired by thousands of people who saw her as the epitome of a healthy, active lifestyle. Her childhood friends still called her "Bubbles" for her bubbly personality.

She once told me she wanted to die with me holding her hand. I wasn't there. I was 12 feet away in another room and on another floor.

Yes, I have regrets, but I was also there for her at other times. I enriched her life, just as you enriched your cousin's life at a time when he needed you as a friend and as family. Don't be angry with yourself, just know that you made his life better, that you helped him grow into the man he became. Speak his name now and then, tell a story about him, and in that way keep the memory of him alive.

I'm sorry for your loss.
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Old 11-09-2018, 11:08 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,968 posts, read 22,015,867 times
Reputation: 28034
WyoNewk, I wasn't there. I was so sleep deprived that the hospital sent the police to my house to wake me up on the one morning that I didn't get there early enough. My teen son wanted to sleep in his bed and take a shower. I didn't give a damn about any of that, but I didn't want to leave him at home alone.
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Old 11-11-2018, 08:54 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,637 posts, read 18,295,516 times
Reputation: 19031
I am very sorry for your loss, Bob. Don't be angry with yourself. No one can predict anyone's death like Wyoming said. He probably thought about you off and on too all these years. He would be feeling the same way if it were you. Just be happy and grateful you have memories with him. Some of us have not had the opportunity to make any of those with anyone.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:43 PM
 
Location: Florida
4,938 posts, read 2,276,193 times
Reputation: 6123
I want to thank all of you who posted and your kind remarks through this.
I appreciate you all.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:49 PM
 
929 posts, read 325,639 times
Reputation: 1671
my cousin died three weeks ago.
he was 71. heart attack.
6'2", skinny, and healthy.
i am sorry about your cousin.
i am sorry about mine.
his name was Chuck. not a nickname.
nobody names their child Chuck anymore.
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Old 11-23-2018, 08:57 PM
 
137 posts, read 26,716 times
Reputation: 304
What a terrible situation. I'm so sorry. I hope your cousin is at peace now and your family can recover.
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Old Today, 07:45 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
22,968 posts, read 22,015,867 times
Reputation: 28034
Quote:
Originally Posted by turkeydance View Post
my cousin died three weeks ago.
he was 71. heart attack.
6'2", skinny, and healthy.
i am sorry about your cousin.
i am sorry about mine.
his name was Chuck. not a nickname.
nobody names their child Chuck anymore.
I'm sorry. I hate losing people.

I didn't know that anyone named their child Chuck.
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