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Old 12-11-2018, 02:39 PM
 
5,064 posts, read 2,278,437 times
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Op- continue this thread. I support your goal.
While I am not a widow....I have an endearing Co worker who lost her husband of 25 yrs quite suddenly. She is on her first two months of widowhood and I'm spinning my wheels. Most days she is super busy with projects... (avoidance perhaps or her way of dealing?). I just know that maybe being on the sidelines is all I can do til she signals otherwise. Tbh...I'm rather surprised that she has avoided 'us'...her true friends and instead has been congregating with folks who are basically indifferent to her sorrow.... maybe she needs that right now...
Just reading here...helps to understand...so keep posting .
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Old 12-11-2018, 06:25 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,814 posts, read 18,416,595 times
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Thanks gals! I shall continue. TBH after reading the 1st post after mine, I was crushed. I almost cried. Then earlier today I just said what I said and be done with it.

I have seen on other forums and threads at C-D, some of us are worlds apart but we come together here in love and support. That is the way it should be in here. IDK what makes some people so mean. Maybe it's just the way they are taken and they don't really mean to sound mean? I know I am taken the wrong way sometimes when I am saying the opposite! I try and remember to use the icons to indicate some emotion.

Today I made an appointment to get my car's regular service done for tomorrow morning. I went to go out to the store....my tires all were under pressured. This is the 3rd time it has happened. Sooooo, I drag out my air compressor and fill the tires. This is crazy. It happens when the temperature drops down into the 40°s. I specifically bought the air compressor after the first time my tires went low. I didn't want to drive to someplace that had air on a low tire. I wasn't used to my town yet. So all is well again. I hope. The only thing I should be getting is an oil change I think.

Have a wonderful evening to anybody dropping by.
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Old 12-11-2018, 06:31 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,814 posts, read 18,416,595 times
Reputation: 19282
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
Op- continue this thread. I support your goal.
While I am not a widow....I have an endearing Co worker who lost her husband of 25 yrs quite suddenly. She is on her first two months of widowhood and I'm spinning my wheels. Most days she is super busy with projects... (avoidance perhaps or her way of dealing?). I just know that maybe being on the sidelines is all I can do til she signals otherwise. Tbh...I'm rather surprised that she has avoided 'us'...her true friends and instead has been congregating with folks who are basically indifferent to her sorrow.... maybe she needs that right now...
Just reading here...helps to understand...so keep posting .
Maybe your friend needs to be around people who won't make her cry? Being "indifferent" helps her keep her emotions under control while at work. How well do you know her?? Maybe she ISN'T broken up? WHO knows? All you can do is what you are doing.....stand back and watch her signals and be there if she needs.
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Old 12-11-2018, 06:31 PM
 
Location: planet earth
3,398 posts, read 1,200,944 times
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OP: I am not a widow, but have had many losses.

I support you in starting a more positive thread - and that is because I believe in Law of Attraction -whatever you focus on will expand, basically.

So focusing on "good," brings more good - and focusing on "loss" brings negative feelings.

Loss is a part of life. Death is a part of life. "Bad" things happen and people need to grieve them, but wallowing in grief is not helpful.
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Old 12-11-2018, 06:36 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,814 posts, read 18,416,595 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nobodysbusiness View Post
OP: I am not a widow, but have had many losses.

I support you in starting a more positive thread - and that is because I believe in Law of Attraction -whatever you focus on will expand, basically.

So focusing on "good," brings more good - and focusing on "loss" brings negative feelings.

Loss is a part of life. Death is a part of life. "Bad" things happen and people need to grieve them, but wallowing in grief is not helpful.
Hi, nobody! Give and take here sounds good. Light sometimes and heavier sometimes if needed. Oh, good grief, I know all about wallowing! Yikes!
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Old 12-11-2018, 09:13 PM
 
Location: Columbia SC
8,091 posts, read 6,914,107 times
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I may jump in on this thread (widower for 4 years) once I decide it is a "I cannot live without him/her thread" which I am afraid it might become. I shall see.
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:25 PM
 
Location: New Mexico
5,336 posts, read 3,054,681 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Nov3 View Post
I'm rather surprised that she has avoided 'us'...her true friends and instead has been congregating with folks who are basically indifferent to her sorrow.... maybe she needs that right now...
Just reading here...helps to understand...so keep posting .
I intentionally sought out new friends in my little town — people who did not know my wife. It was part of my healing experience because I was “the poor guy whose wife died” to our friends. I needed to be just me and not the grief poster child that I was becoming. I still had grief issues but these new friends were allowing me to be grief-free (for lack of a better term) for a few hours without guilt. I didn’t avoid old friends but learned that I could make new friends as an individual rather than a couple. Eleven years later I still have the friends - old and new, plus a bunch more after I moved 1000 miles.
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Old 12-11-2018, 10:56 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,814 posts, read 18,416,595 times
Reputation: 19282
Quote:
Originally Posted by fresnochili View Post
So anyhow, I see my "experiment " is a flop. post#7



Don't stop! Your idea will catch on....

I'm not a widow, altho my ex-husband did pass away a couple of years ago...long after we divorced, but it still just abt killed me too. He was only 56.

Peace.
Yes, I can understand being upset from an ex's death too, fresno. After all, you were once in love. My sympathy.

Quote:
Originally Posted by johngolf View Post
I may jump in on this thread (widower for 4 years) once I decide it is a "I cannot live without him/her thread" which I am afraid it might become. I shall see.
Hey! Good to see a couple of guys! Lmao, john, you WANT it to turn into a "I can't live without them" thread????

Sun, welcome. Yeah, in the beginning I needed the sympathy but now I like being able to be just me now. I am very conflicted, I am lonesome but I also enjoy not having to deal with the marital baloney I see going on around me!
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Old 12-11-2018, 11:34 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
23,190 posts, read 22,211,848 times
Reputation: 28312
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
No news is good news. Thanks for asking anda thank forma trilingüe me about NoSnow.

I will check out different forums, ty, Gerania. I feel too comfortable here I guess. I like to be around others I have something in common with and that happens to be my widowhood. No one other than another widow(er) can understand. That is just a fact of life.

So anyhow, I see my "experiment " is a flop.
Maybe this can be a sticky at the top of the forum like in the Food forum. It's OK to be a bit off topic as long as you don't stray too far. I'd like to see that happen.

My furnace kicked this past Sunday. It was going to be 23° that night. My adult son who was here for the weekend started removing parts and found the problem. Since I really didn't want to pay over $200 for overnight shipping for the part, I just paid a bit more for expedited. The part came today and he came back and installed it.

I was completely panicking, and I wouldn't have done that when my husband was alive. I knew that if I couldn't figure something out, that he probably could. We had different strengths and weaknesses.
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Old 12-12-2018, 03:34 AM
 
Location: Texas
1,286 posts, read 1,276,451 times
Reputation: 1882
Quote:
Originally Posted by RosemaryT View Post
This is very true. Sometimes, I make it for two hours without thinking about my dead husband and that's a "good day." People say, "Oh, you need to move on" but his absence, my solitude, and the way he went out of this world are a rough combination, and unless you've been through it, you can't imagine the wake of pain it leaves behind.

So then I come to this forum to try and "reach out" and learn new things and read fun stuff, and then I discover that there are a handful of posters here at CD that are just vicious, mean-spirited folks who apparently never heard, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."

And then I decide that maybe it's time to abandon City-Data. And then I find posts from like-minded souls and kind-hearted people and fellow widows/widowers and feel encouraged and understood and supported.

I guess my question - as a widow - is why are some people just so mean-spirited? Some of these posts are so ugly and I KNOW that these people would never say this stuff to another human being in person. So why do they do it while hiding behind anonymity?
Exactly why I seldom post, whether it was the caregiving forum or any forum for that matter.

I'm coming up on a year of widowdom. What I've learned is what I knew when I struck out on my own many years ago. You are responsible for your happiness, finances and taking care of everything. The secret is to budget for it.

The good thing is you will learn who your true friends are. Minor and major miracles will come out of the blue when you are wondering how on earth do I tackle this problem?

Just remember one problem at a time. If it can't be solved move on to the next problem.
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