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Old 12-17-2018, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Coastal New Jersey
52,422 posts, read 51,547,666 times
Reputation: 61576

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Quote:
Originally Posted by kitty61 View Post
It is crude to suggest 90 or 87 year old have lived long enough because they have lived longer than the average person.
My boss's mother died at 90. When he returned to work after burying her, I heard one of the guys in the office say to him, "I'm sorry to hear about your mother, but I understand she was 90." My boss said, "What difference does that make?"

As if you aren't going to mourn your mother because she made it to a certain age.

And not a real smart thing to say to your manager.
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Old 12-18-2018, 11:36 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,861 posts, read 18,455,939 times
Reputation: 19375
Mahrie, I have never read a better post in here than yours. Absolutely wonderful. Susan, please take her words into consideration.

We all wish the best for you.
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Old 12-18-2018, 03:53 PM
 
Location: Tulare County, Ca
1,061 posts, read 635,266 times
Reputation: 1854
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mahrie View Post
Susan, some people have a talent for saying the most horrific, cruel, and stupid things at the worst possible times in our lives. They are ignorant; forgive them. If they are genuinely cruel, forgive them. You can’t ‘fix’ stupid so forgive them too, and don’t forget to forgive yourself.

We humans have a tendency to hang on to the ‘bad stuff.’ We often carry it with us throughout our whole lives, as we imprison ourselves with ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes,’ along with a hearty helping of ‘should I haves’ and ‘I wish I hadn’ts.’

How dare you jump out in front of a lorry and have your arm amputated? Why, your parents may both have lived to be a thousand ‘if only’ (another perennial) you hadn’t been so selfish. See how absurd that looks written down on a page? It *is* absurd, but we *all* do it, and we wonder... Dear Lord, how we wonder, and we are the *last* person to forgive ourselves, even though we didn’t do anything! Somebody said we did so it might be true, right?

The fact that this still bothers you, Susan, tells me that you are a kind and decent person who loves her parents deeply. (I’ve been counselling people for 45 years.) If you didn’t care, what your friend said wouldn’t bother you. If the chambers of your heart are still echoing her words along with all the ‘what ifs’ and ‘maybes,’ you need to evict those words tout suite! You did not hasten your parents’ deaths. We each of us have an appointed time on this earth, and you, dear lady, are not that powerful!

Whatever her motivation was, forgive your friend anyway. As I said earlier, you can’t ‘fix’ stupid, and most of us are loaded with stupidity potential. I’m so sorry that your friend let hers out to play when you were most vulnerable.

I pray that your parents Rest In Peace, and that you learn to live in peace.

May God Bless and be with you.


Love and All Good Things,


Mahrie.

I don't know if you helped Susan Mahrie, but you sure helped me and I thank you.
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Old 12-18-2018, 04:27 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,861 posts, read 18,455,939 times
Reputation: 19375
Quote:
Originally Posted by janellen View Post
I don't know if you helped Susan Mahrie, but you sure helped me and I thank you.
Excellent!
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Old 12-22-2018, 04:32 AM
 
Location: London, UK
6 posts, read 13,751 times
Reputation: 31
I would like to thank everyone for their comments.
I have read them several times and found much to digest. I really do feel that I can face 2019 in a more positive fashion. I only wish I had posted* earlier and I would have saved myself a great deal of anguish and soul searching.

I still miss my parents every single day but that is a testament of my enduring love for them while feelings of guilt planted by my "friend" have dissipated.

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to everyone.
*
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Old 12-22-2018, 01:04 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,861 posts, read 18,455,939 times
Reputation: 19375
Bless you, Susan. I am so glad we helped, especially Mahrie! Go on...Happy Christmas to you and a guilt free New Year.
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Old 12-22-2018, 03:12 PM
 
Location: State of Grace
1,532 posts, read 1,077,551 times
Reputation: 2509
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Bless you, Susan. I am so glad we helped, especially Mahrie! Go on...Happy Christmas to you and a guilt free New Year.
Amen, and Merry Christmas to you *all!*

Sláinte!

Kathy.
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Old 12-24-2018, 11:09 PM
 
Location: Mid-Atlantic
23,284 posts, read 22,282,547 times
Reputation: 28452
Quote:
Originally Posted by janellen View Post
I don't know if you helped Susan Mahrie, but you sure helped me and I thank you.
She helped me when I was going through a difficult time.
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Old Yesterday, 06:29 AM
 
6,261 posts, read 6,701,563 times
Reputation: 8712
I wish people would read more than just the initial post. Because then their comments wouldn't be so "uninformed." IMO, of course.

OP, as others have said, YOU said first that you felt guilty. I agree with what TheShadow posted:
You said "I feel guilty because I couldn't help my parents more after I broke my arm..."

She said "Do you think you hastened their death?" knowing full well that you didn't, and knowing that you knew that too.

She was expecting you to say "No, I know that mom had cancer and dad's heart was giving out".

Then she would have said "See, you have nothing to feel guilty about. You couldn't have changed what happened".


You're both adults, right? Did you ask her what she meant by the question?
Many, if not most times it's best to clarify what was intended, before getting offended. Then one can avoid being hurt because they misinterpreted something that wasn't even intended in the first place. It'd be a shame to have a relationship damaged over your own misinterpretation, and lack of inquiring about what was intended.
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Old Today, 09:57 AM
 
10,465 posts, read 6,781,610 times
Reputation: 11105
Quote:
Originally Posted by susan3681 View Post
A good friend said to me “do you think you hastened the death of your parents”.
T.
What was your response?
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