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Old 01-06-2019, 09:09 AM
Location: I am right here.
4,880 posts, read 3,824,199 times
Reputation: 15378


Originally Posted by Ceece View Post
Visiting graves isn't really a thing I want to do. I did it as a child, my parents took me, so I understand what it entails. The only time I've done it as an adult was when I went to a cemetery for a burial, a lot of my family is in that particular place so we wandered a bit and found the headstones of relatives I knew and some that I didn't but have been told about. I want my ashes scattered somewhere but once I'm gone my survivors can do whatever makes them happy. The problem with keeping remains is that once you're gone, and nobody is left to care, they may end up in a dumpster somewhere. Most of the stuff we hang on to will end up in a dumpster somewhere once we die.
Oh yeah, I COMPLETELY understand! I hate visiting graves as well. So I do not. I understand the physical remains or cremains are there, but per my faith, I do not believe their souls are there. So if I were to go to a grave, I'd be looking at the marker...talking to...a slab of granite rock, essentially.

I also agree about the ending up in a dumpster. Today's young adults do NOT want the "stuff" of the past, including ashes.

I do not wish to be a burden to my kids, and that includes when I'm dead! I've already paid for my burial plot, so all they will have to do is plant me there. I won't expect them to visit the grave, either, since I do not believe my soul will there.
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Old 01-06-2019, 09:22 AM
Location: NJ
9,569 posts, read 20,532,660 times
Reputation: 6837
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
I used to kinda laugh at this thought, keeping one's remains in their apt or home of a loved one or pet and now I'm thinking more and more "how smart"...why put that person/pet in the ground.

Just heard a pet show on the radio I listen to and the moderator said he just received his recently deceased beloved Cisco's remains and they are going on the shelf of memories.

My daughter said years ago, she would put my remains in her bedroom, wonder if she still thinks that, maybe in the living room or den.

A neighbor has her brother's remains in a nice box in her apt. She yells at him sometimes.

Maybe we do it all wrong, giving our hard earned money to funeral directors and cemetaries...um,,,
We had our gas station German Shepherd cremated. She's on my office shelf. My dad said he wanted to be next to her so that's where part of him is. He was separated into 7 containers, I have 3, 2 are my kids. I'm clueless where the others are but I wouldn't be surprised if my mother took some of his ashes back to Hungary where he didn't want to be. Had he been buried he'd be rolling over in his grave. When I go, it doesn't bother me if my kids do the same and keep my dad, dog and I together. I 'd assume we'd eventually get buried with my kids if that's what they want. I just know someone better enter me in find a grave connected to my dads profile lol
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Old 01-06-2019, 10:16 AM
Location: SWFL
21,936 posts, read 18,513,665 times
Reputation: 19507
I have never been to my paternal grandparents graves. IDK even what cities/towns they were buried in. I never met my grandfather and only have one memory of my grandmother but in my mind they have always been alive. Same with Mom's parents, even though I knew them well, they are still alive in my mind. Mom used to take me to her grandparents' graves when I was a kid. I feel no need to visit graves myself. I have gone to my mother's, father's and hubby's once since they were buried and that was it. They all, too, are alive in my mind. Of course I live 1500 miles away now too.

My friend keeps urging me to have my hubby brought down here to be re-buried at the National Cemetery but I am not going to do that even though it would be a free service. Let him stay home where I wish I was.
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Old 01-06-2019, 10:35 AM
Location: northern New England
1,939 posts, read 803,584 times
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My husband was cremated and his ashes scattered at sea. I do some volunteer work for FindaGrave and when I am in a cemetery, I am so glad I do NOT have a grave to visit - they are such sad places.
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Old 01-06-2019, 11:39 AM
1,985 posts, read 1,206,056 times
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It's interesting to me how very different people's views are about this. My sister has the ashes for all her past pets lined up on a shelf in her house. Once, during a discussion about what my mother wanted after her death, my other sister burst into violent weeping when my mother suggested her ashes scattered at a river she liked. Why? My sister said if they did that, she wouldn't know where Mom was.

Me? I find keeping remains around a bit odd and I wouldn't do it. Not because it's 'gross' or 'morbid' or anything like that. I just don't see the physical part of a person as anything of great importance. I feel the same about fancy/expensive graves. I don't think I ever have or ever would visit a gravesite for someone who dies. It means nothing to me and has very little to do with the person.
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Old 01-06-2019, 11:46 AM
Location: Virginia
3,589 posts, read 1,746,109 times
Reputation: 9672
Originally Posted by PeachSalsa View Post
I have many pet remains buried in my yard. (actual remains, not just ashes). [cats, rabbits, guinea pigs mostly.]
Same here at my old house that I just sold. I left the new owner a folder of information on the home; I'm wondering if I should have detailed the location of the pets' remains in case she starts gardening a lot.
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Old 01-06-2019, 12:45 PM
Location: Home, Home on the Front Range
21,385 posts, read 15,531,251 times
Reputation: 11982
Originally Posted by Mikala43 View Post
I still have my late husband's remains, and I had given some of them to his parents. I too talked to him for a couple years. I have a cat, a dog.....

Not exactly a hobby I planned on... collecting remains.
I have my husband’s cremains as well as those of two beloved dogs on a shelf in my bedroom.
My husband requested that our ashes be combined when I die so I have him in an urn large enough for that purpose.

I moved across country after my husband died. I couldn’t have left him back east in a cemetery or whatever without regular visits from family.

Just wouldn’t have been right. I did pay for my husband’s funeral that included a viewing, etc.
Because one does.

Last edited by TigerLily24; 01-06-2019 at 01:20 PM..
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Old 01-06-2019, 01:00 PM
Location: Southern California
20,432 posts, read 6,798,496 times
Reputation: 13728
We had a young woman in our apt bldg who loved cats as they were her children. When the cats died she had them cremated and she had their remains..now when she died tragically I had heard that the urns were buried with her in her casket.
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Old 01-06-2019, 03:18 PM
3,315 posts, read 2,911,623 times
Reputation: 9674
Genealogy is a hobby for me. Visiting cemeteries is something I enjoy. I find cemeteries to be peaceful places. Some of the people there died tragically, but many graves are reminders of long lives lived in the way they way they wanted. I can't visit every one of my relatives in a cemetery, but there is comfort in knowing where they are and they are around other people they knew.
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Old 01-06-2019, 03:22 PM
Location: on the wind
4,987 posts, read 1,924,101 times
Reputation: 17609
My mother died almost 40 years before my father. She was a gardener and happened to want physical burial to become part of a place, so my father chose an old cemetery with beautiful gardens overlooking the ocean they both loved. They were the most devoted couple I've ever met. Neither of them were highly religious and I know neither of them believed the "essence" of a person stayed with the physical remains. Despite that, the knowledge that he was forever separated from her really bothered him. By the time he made his own plans, there was no space for him anywhere near the cemetery or her grave. He asked to be cremated mainly because of cost as he was extremely frugal, but he also wanted to be scattered at sea. I found a charter schooner to take him out to sea under sail. The cemetery overlooks the ocean where the schooner took his ashes. I like imagining that he can now float to shore on the wind and "visit" my mother whenever he wants.

How nice it is knowing just about everyone has the freedom to make this choice for themselves without having to consider the opinions or judgments of anyone else.

Last edited by Parnassia; 01-06-2019 at 03:41 PM..
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