U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-06-2019, 07:41 PM
 
2,419 posts, read 1,340,096 times
Reputation: 4879

Advertisements

My grandparents are all buried, I've been to their graves a couple times over the years (They're about 1k miles from me.) My grandparents are buried in a little cemetery in Iowa, on top of a large hill, you can see for miles. It's a very old cemetery, with large trees that are over 100 years old. On a nice summer day, with clear skies and warm, it's hard to imagine a better final resting place.


My mother died in another country. The cost incurred to bring a body back into the States is very high, so my father had her cremated and then her ashes were brought back. She's now in an urn that sits on his mantle above the fireplace.


(As an aside, if you knock over an urn, ashes do NOT spill out. They're in a very heavy type of plastic bag, sealed with twine. Most urns also have a screw on top, so it doesn't just pop open. All those times you seen on tv of ashes being spilled in some comedic sense just doesn't happen in real life.)
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-06-2019, 08:16 PM
 
Location: Southern California
20,542 posts, read 6,842,739 times
Reputation: 13835
Lots of nice stories on urns and keeping one's ashes is more popular than I realized. Being raised in a family of caskets and plots this is all pretty new to this ole gal in the last 20 yrs or so.

I think I read somewhere that a woman I guess had put some of her husband's ashes in a locket around her neck. This probably goes on more than I realize too.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2019, 09:03 PM
 
4,061 posts, read 5,349,442 times
Reputation: 4686
My husband had a contract with the Neptune Society for cremation. At the time of his death, it went very smoothly, no extra charges, no problems. One thing included was a picture frame that had incorporated a little glass tube to put a pinch of ashes in. I didn't do that. I don't feel a need to actually own his ashes. Part of his ashes are buried on his mother's plot (she was cremated, too) and part of them my son and I spread under a tree that had special significance for us. I'm totally comfortable with that. I have a friend who keeps her husband's ashes in the living room, together with some pictures of him. That's OK, but it feels a little like a shrine to me, and not something I would do.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2019, 10:57 PM
 
433 posts, read 74,375 times
Reputation: 766
My sister and I had talked about wanting to be cremated. She wanted her ashes taken out to the ocean. We both love(d) the ocean and beach.

When she died, her husband took over a week to make final arrangements. When he did, he buried her in the ground at their local cemetery. He chose a white, gilt-trimmed casket. My daughter said it looked like something Elvis Presley would be buried in, not her aunt. There was a hideous-looking floral spray on the casket.

I went back to the cemetery when the headstone was placed. I thought I would faint when I saw my sister’s name on it with the dates of her birth and death, and then the name of her husband, lacking only the death date, on the same marker.

I know she did not want that. I have never returned, and still have nightmares about all of it.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2019, 10:59 PM
 
Location: SWFL
21,960 posts, read 18,540,757 times
Reputation: 19588
Quote:
Originally Posted by jaminhealth View Post
Lots of nice stories on urns and keeping one's ashes is more popular than I realized. Being raised in a family of caskets and plots this is all pretty new to this ole gal in the last 20 yrs or so.

I think I read somewhere that a woman I guess had put some of her husband's ashes in a locket around her neck. This probably goes on more than I realize too.
I forgot to mention I have some of my hubby's ashes in a locket too. I haven't worn it but once, when I went down to visit my old co-workers because they gave it to me. The locket won't stay closed, so I don't want to chance the vial falling out and smashing. It's glass, which makes it kind of heavy too. Oh well, I know wher some of him is.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-06-2019, 11:35 PM
Status: "Back to life, back to reality. Best wishes in 2019, all." (set 10 days ago)
 
Location: Spurs country. "Go, Spurs, Go!"
3,156 posts, read 3,723,574 times
Reputation: 7802
I have a saying...."the ash stops here", a take on the saying "the buck stops here". When I die, if my husband dies before me, there will be 8 of us sharing a mosuleum (sp) space, 6 human and 2 dogs. I currently have everyone in my home except the husband. 4 loved ones are in a slender, lighted curio cabinet. All in attractive containers chosen from the crematorium. Each dog in a separate room, in a lovely box from the pet crematorium with space for their picture. I have their collars and the token packet of Rosemary seeds along side each one. Back in my younger (read: immature) days the thought of having ashes in the house was creepy. Once my beloved mother passed away, I found it disturbing to have her away from me, in the ground an hour away. Once I had her home with me (she was the second urn, my husband's maiden aunt was the first) I felt at peace having "her" with me.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2019, 03:25 AM
Status: "Admiral Halsey notified me..." (set 13 days ago)
 
1,735 posts, read 834,953 times
Reputation: 4513
I've wondered what becomes of the cremated remains once the current...holder, for lack of a better word, passes on. It can't just be assumed that some other family member would want the remains. What happens to an item like that during the course of cleaning out the apartment or home of a recently deceased person who was keeping the remains of a loved one?

*As a bookend to this question I've also wondered what happens when a person passes away and their loved ones come to clean out the home and discover one of those new-fangled life-sized dolls some men are into. But that's a whole other topic.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2019, 04:46 AM
Status: "inpatiently waiting for Spring." (set 7 days ago)
 
Location: The Ozone Layer, apparently...
1,708 posts, read 556,200 times
Reputation: 3296
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell View Post
I've wondered what becomes of the cremated remains once the current...holder, for lack of a better word, passes on. It can't just be assumed that some other family member would want the remains. What happens to an item like that during the course of cleaning out the apartment or home of a recently deceased person who was keeping the remains of a loved one?

It depends. Some people will make provisions for the remains of themselves and their loved one to be buried together, including sometimes having the ashes co-mingled first; or, have them scattered somewhere together.

Scattering is an issue in and of itself. Some places simply do not allow it, or require a permit.

In some cases it is a problem, and one of the reasons the Catholic Church is against people keeping remains. That's their official stance since people started leaving remains at churches, which is obviously not a great idea.

At any rate, my living self would hate to think I am saving a loved one's ashes so that we can end up in a landfill.

Im not sure my dead self will care, lol.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2019, 05:54 AM
 
804 posts, read 230,258 times
Reputation: 1953
I took DH's ashes home after he was cremated; he died 2 years ago. We'd both agreed cremation was more sensible than an expensive in-ground burial. I'd told him I'd scatter them in places we'd visited and loved, as well as any other interesting destinations I visited. So far there are bits of his ashes in the lake behind our house, in the MO River near Hermann, in Iceland, the Panama Canal, off the coast of Costa Rica, at the top of Arthur's Seat in Edinburgh, in the Seine, at the base of a giant tree in Kathmandu and in the Ganges at Varanasi. (ComeCloser is right and I've probably violated the laws in several countries, other than India where I floated them away while a Hindu priest chanted from the Vedas.) Whatever is left of him will be mingled with my ashes when my time comes and I've told DS that if he puts them out in a Hefty bag that's OK. I don't think I'll ever scatter 100% of DH's ashes; what I have left are in a beautiful wood box my brother made, in avery heavy plastic bag sealed with a twist tie.

I also have a small sterling silver charm with his fingerprint; they take them at the mortuary so the digital print can be used on jewelry and other items. Didn't buy the vial pendant but I saw a web site called Spirit Pieces where they put bits of ashes under glass in some really pretty designs.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-07-2019, 12:13 PM
Status: "Whatever" (set 17 hours ago)
 
Location: Here and now.
11,275 posts, read 3,151,726 times
Reputation: 12231
Quote:
Originally Posted by Murk View Post
It's interesting to me how very different people's views are about this. My sister has the ashes for all her past pets lined up on a shelf in her house. Once, during a discussion about what my mother wanted after her death, my other sister burst into violent weeping when my mother suggested her ashes scattered at a river she liked. Why? My sister said if they did that, she wouldn't know where Mom was.

Me? I find keeping remains around a bit odd and I wouldn't do it. Not because it's 'gross' or 'morbid' or anything like that. I just don't see the physical part of a person as anything of great importance. I feel the same about fancy/expensive graves. I don't think I ever have or ever would visit a gravesite for someone who dies. It means nothing to me and has very little to do with the person.
I don't find it odd, if that's what the people want, but it's not something I would do. I feel the same way about most family heirlooms. If it's something I would choose myself for its beauty or utility, great, the sentimental value is icing on the cake. Otherwise, it's just an item that may or may not be right for me, but that carries a heavy burden of guilt should I ever say "I don't like this thing." The fact that I loved the person does not mean that I love all of their possessions. Then again, I am sort of a minimalist, when it comes to "stuff." I like to travel light.

As for keeping loved ones with me forever, I do. They reside in my heart and mind.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Grief and Mourning
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2019, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top