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Thank you for posting this. I have been feeling much what he describes since my mother died and I wondered if I was crazy for feeling so much of my past is gone now. It's such a profound and far reaching loss. I want to read that story now!
I feel that way about my late husband, too. I met him when I was twelve at the beginning of 7th grade. He remembered when I was young and cute.
I feel that way about my late husband, too. I met him when I was twelve at the beginning of 7th grade. He remembered when I was young and cute.
I can understand this and I'm sorry for your loss. That was really a long relationship!
I wish I realized earlier the importance of keeping relationships with people from my past but unfortunately I moved around quite a bit and people came and went throughout much of my life. But I think without that it's almost like losing a part of yourself or losing access to an earlier self. How nice it would be to share memories and know and be known by someone over time.
While my mother lay dying I asked her, "Is this being hard for you?" She answered me, "Not as hard as it's going to be for you."
Ouch. Quite the stark and honest answer.
It's been over a decade now and what I've noticed is how the nature of my grief has changed. Seems like I can look back at times she hurt me or disappointed me and have a deeper understanding of who she was and what made her the person she was. Sometimes I think, "Oh, you poor woman. You didn't know what to do." That's a new way of looking at Mother.
Along with all the warm memories, that added insight into the more painful ones has become a healing force for me. Grief doesn't go away forever but it can change.
My MIL and Mother died within a month of each other and startled me into the surprising state of feeling like a three-year-old orphan for a period of time. After reading this passage I'm thinking it was a sharp and sudden reliving of that private childhood that was now lost forever - the perceived one of security and support.
When my dads mom died I remember him saying that it was easier for the one who passed than it is for the family left behind. When my mom had a stroke she said she remembers nothing, only the color green. She is still alive today, she had 4 more years, very with it for most of them but Thursday she was sent to the ICU. Today, the ICU nurse called and said that mom is much worse and in so many words said she would not make it. I'm very anxious right now. I knew this day was coming but it doesn't make it easier.
First I lost my beloved grandmother in '91, then my no-nonsense but very caring/loving mom in '93. I had my husband, 2 sons and 3 brothers, and I suddenly realized that I was the only female left.
As I look at it now, I know I am SO fortunate that one of my brothers and I are very close, (always have been) along with his wife who was an only child. They live 6 1/2 hour drive away from hubby and I, but we do a lot of trips and socializing back and forth to each other's houses.
When I lost one of my older brothers a couple of years back, it made me sad to think that we will never share our childhood memories again.
All I know is that I was lucky to grow up in a normal, loving family which is something a lot of people will never have a memory of, and I feel sorry for them.
Last edited by gouligann; 02-02-2019 at 02:39 PM..
When my dads mom died I remember him saying that it was easier for the one who passed than it is for the family left behind. When my mom had a stroke she said she remembers nothing, only the color green. She is still alive today, she had 4 more years, very with it for most of them but Thursday she was sent to the ICU. Today, the ICU nurse called and said that mom is much worse and in so many words said she would not make it. I'm very anxious right now. I knew this day was coming but it doesn't make it easier.
I'm so sorry you are going through this hard time. Even though we can think we are prepared, we are not.
I remember after my mom passed, even though I expected it, the sudden shock of emotions hit me out of the blue for a few months. It was like an electric jolt and I don't know if anyone else has felt this. Then it gradually sunk in that she was gone and I was left with the sadness and loss of never seeing or talking to her again.
I've had one dream about her and it was within a week of her passing. I dreamed that I was crying and she wrapped her arms around me and told me everything was okay. It made me feel so much better and I truly believe that she WAS there with me in spirit or whatever you want to call it.
I hope your mom has a pain-free passing and that you have loved ones around to comfort you when it happens. ,
Petch, I tried to rep you but couldn't do it so I'll say it here - my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family as you go through this difficult time.
My Mom has been gone 10 years now and although it has gotten a little easier, I still miss her terribly. Nobody loves you like your mother.
I was lucky to have a wonderful mother and my heart goes out to those that didn't.
Nobody loves you like your mother.....so very true.
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