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Old Yesterday, 08:51 AM
 
Location: San Francisco
183 posts, read 77,966 times
Reputation: 166

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Itís been almost two years since the loss of my newborn daughter; and while some time has passed (making it slightly easier), I still find myself coping with anger and pain. Iím a positive thinker - and have always been in the role of helping others with problems - so itís very difficult to feel such a drastic role reversal and need someone else to lean on. I have spent so much time helping my babyís mother get through this (we are not together as a couple anymore) - I feel as though I havenít let my guard down and havenít healed myself (in order to be strong for her). I lost my mother several years ago; and while that was certainly a very difficult time, this is just completely different.
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Old Yesterday, 02:45 PM
 
1,053 posts, read 497,518 times
Reputation: 967
I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve experienced an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage. I can’t imagine holding and knowing what my baby looks like etc. I’m so sorry. Maybe look into contacting the March of Dimes organization.
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Old Yesterday, 02:52 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
183 posts, read 77,966 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Iím so sorry for your loss. Iíve experienced an ectopic pregnancy and a miscarriage. I canít imagine holding and knowing what my baby looks like etc. Iím so sorry. Maybe look into contacting the March of Dimes organization.
I am sorry for your loss, too. In my situation, she did give birth - but had multiple complications (which started in her pregnancy). The hardest part is when people I meet ask if Iím a Dad. I never know how to answer that - without a lot of questions or confusion.
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Old Yesterday, 03:10 PM
 
692 posts, read 233,288 times
Reputation: 2222
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
I am sorry for your loss, too. In my situation, she did give birth - but had multiple complications (which started in her pregnancy). The hardest part is when people I meet ask if Iím a Dad. I never know how to answer that - without a lot of questions or confusion.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be devastating for you. ((((hugs))))

We expect our parents to die, but we do not expect our children to die. Would it help if you talk about her on this forum? Would you like to share details about her?
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Old Yesterday, 03:20 PM
 
1,053 posts, read 497,518 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
I am sorry for your loss, too. In my situation, she did give birth - but had multiple complications (which started in her pregnancy). The hardest part is when people I meet ask if Iím a Dad. I never know how to answer that - without a lot of questions or confusion.
Well to me you are a dad. If your baby was six when they passed would that make the situation different?
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Old Yesterday, 03:27 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
183 posts, read 77,966 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
Well to me you are a dad. If your baby was six when they passed would that make the situation different?
Yes - but itís difficult to answer when meeting people or in passing - because the next question is how old is she,etc. - and so it makes for a difficult discussion to Ďexplainí. So I end up trying to avoid the question - and in casual situations, I have found myself just saying no (rather than explain my loss to a store clerk, for example, who is just making small talk.)
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Old Yesterday, 03:32 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
183 posts, read 77,966 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by AnnaGWS View Post
I'm so sorry for your loss. It must be devastating for you. ((((hugs))))

We expect our parents to die, but we do not expect our children to die. Would it help if you talk about her on this forum? Would you like to share details about her?
Thanks, Anna. Thatís the hard part..details about her. I never knew her. I know good memories have of way of comforting a loss - but I donít have the luxury of having memories. And Iíve had people tell me Ďwell, itís probably better it happened right away, if it was going to happení. That is absolutely crushing to hear.
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Old Yesterday, 03:44 PM
 
1,053 posts, read 497,518 times
Reputation: 967
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Yes - but it’s difficult to answer when meeting people or in passing - because the next question is how old is she,etc. - and so it makes for a difficult discussion to ‘explain’. So I end up trying to avoid the question - and in casual situations, I have found myself just saying no (rather than explain my loss to a store clerk, for example, who is just making small talk.)
The thing is you don’t owe anybody an explanation.
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Old Yesterday, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Canada
5,854 posts, read 2,249,794 times
Reputation: 5275
Quote:
Originally Posted by CorporateCowboy View Post
Yes - but itís difficult to answer when meeting people or in passing - because the next question is how old is she,etc. - and so it makes for a difficult discussion to Ďexplainí. So I end up trying to avoid the question - and in casual situations, I have found myself just saying no (rather than explain my loss to a store clerk, for example, who is just making small talk.)
People who ask these questions obviously don't even know the event on any level.. Whomever asks this were there for YOU And didn't realize the facts of your loss OP~~

This ends up getting questions about WHAT a child's short life loss versus in your head~ WHAT LIFE could have been and YEP~~ That kind of loss is truly a difficult answer!!

Anyone, regardless of how and when you lose a CHILD ( pre-birth or post birth) morns differently~~ No one should expect YOU to have explanations for that sense of loss!!

Luckily, I never lost ( to my knowledge) a pregnancy (could have been before I even knew ).. But I did lose a young adult son (41) who had children... BELIEVE me, no parent can accept losing their child ~~ It's not meant to be that way to have a child die BEFORE you do!

My empathy to you, trying to get through this unresolved pain!!
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Old Yesterday, 03:58 PM
 
Location: San Francisco
183 posts, read 77,966 times
Reputation: 166
Quote:
Originally Posted by Va83 View Post
The thing is you donít owe anybody an explanation.
No, but when someone doesnít know - and they are just making small talk, and ask if Iím a dad or how old are my kids, what can I possibly say without having to Ďexplainí - which is why Iíve just said no before, to quickly end the conversation and be on my way.
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