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Do you think it helps a grieving person to stay in the place (city or house, etc.) connected to the deceased love one or being in another place trying to start over?
It has been a few years now and I am thinking I want to move back to my hometown and wondering if it would help.
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I think it would help immensely.
If you're at the end of your life span and you lose a spouse, it's probably less advised, but if you are younger and lose a family member, yes, actually it's advisable to move.
Clara had some good points in her post and I do agree with her. My parents lived in a retirement community in the SW, and there were many older widows that did move back to where they came from, if they were in declining health and their adult children/siblings were back there. But if the adult children were already out here, or scattered in several places, they often just stayed put.
There are so many factors to consider, such as the cost of living in the place they moved from. If they moved from a higher cost place to a lower-cost retirement spot, and now want to move back --- that gets pretty tricky! Sometimes people can no longer afford to live in their former community, especially if it has been a while since they sold their home and the prices have continued to rise [example - California]. But there could be an option of a smaller place or even moving in with an adult child.
Eeko, if you are still employed and need to find a new job in your hometown.....well, you know that situation best and are likely familiar with the local job market.
The other issue that can cause headaches is the health insurance situation if you are under age 65. Lots of older people who are still under 65 already have some pre-existing health situations, and health insurance for people in this age group can be very expensive. The the ACA insurance can be problematical in some states and Medicaid for adults under 65 is not offered in all states, so that can be an issue too. These are things you may need to think about, but maybe not -- it all depends on your individual needs and your age/budget.
Sometimes a move can be invigorating and friendships can be renewed. As an example, although she did not move, my late mother-in-law signed up to be on the committee for her high school's 50th reunion. She had a blast and renewed many friendships. She was very glad she went to that first meeting.
Good luck It is hard to decide, sometimes. We have some friends going through this decision process right now.
Do you think it helps a grieving person to stay in the place (city or house, etc.) connected to the deceased love one or being in another place trying to start over?
It has been a few years now and I am thinking I want to move back to my hometown and wondering if it would help.
I think if you feel the urge to move it's a better idea than feeling you have to stay where your loved one left you. Your memories will be where you are.
I think this decision is very personal, and unique to each individual. When my husband died, I chose to move almost exactly a year later. In my situation, my husband and I had moved away from our home of many years, to another state. I think two things were crucial in my decision: 1. We had moved into our new house when my husband was already sick. There were no happy memories of earlier family life, and lots of memories of stress, saddness and loss. 2. I had no really established community in the new place, and I just wanted to go to what I considered my home.
I have heard others express a desire to stay in a long-time family home that houses the happy memories of many years. I think that is valid. Also, many people have support systems, developed over many years, where they are, and moving would leave the person isolated. There can be many reasons to stay put, just as there may be many reasons to leave. Only you can sort this out. Keep in mind that moving anywhere involves expectations, and your home town may have changed. I went back to my home town six months after my husband's death to see if the old place felt right and if I could afford it. I would suggest that you also make a visit to help you to know if going back would actually fulfill your needs. This would help you to figure out where you might fit in NOW, as apposed to where you fit in in the past. Practical things like job and insurance, also play a role, of course.
Good luck with your decision. Get as much information as you can and take your time.
There is a reason people say you can't go home again. It won't be the same. Friends and family have moved on with their lives since the last time you lived there.
How about a large 55+? One with at least 20,000 people. You will always have something to do and you will meet new people all the time, many in the same situation as you.
Like another poster said.. I think it's an individual choice. My husband passed in Oct 2017. We lived quite remote and it was an hour drive to get just about anywhere including most of my family. The house we lived in needed a lot of work (he couldn't have cared less about it up until about 2 wks before he passed.... when we found out he was sick .... and then apologized for leaving me with such a mess).
I had figured on waiting about a yr and then moving. As it turned out, a house that I liked that was in the area I wanted and was just a few minute drive from my parents (in their 80s) came up for sale. I really wasn't quite ready physically to make the move right then but I really felt this was the right thing to do.
So, it was 10 months later that I did actually move and I'm so glad I did. I'm still doing things at the other house getting it ready to sell but I'll be very glad when it does and I never have to go there again.
I have found that for myself, it has helped me to move on and has not diminished one thought or feeling I have for my hubby. Actually the opposite. He left me enough insurance and such that I was able to purchase this nice house in a nice area and furnish it nicely. I thank him continually for that forethought.
I'm much closer now to my parents and also to my siblings. My children and grands live in other states. Not real sure where they'll totally end up yet so, I'll deal with that situation when my parents no longer need me.
This is a very personal choice. I was talking to a friend of mine who is a lawyer and this exact subject came up.
He tapped the table and I’ll never forget this
No matter what, don’t do anything for at least a year. Don’t buy anything, don’t sell anything, don’t change anything as far as investments, job, etc, in your personal life, don’t date, don’t try to find a replacement, don’t go to bars picking up women. Too many people will try to prey on you and you’re vulnerable. . When that year is up start evaluating what you want or think is best for you to do.
If my wife passed away I wouldn’t sell. First of all I wouldn’t have anywhere to move, as everyone has their own lives and I’m not gonna start over in a new town where I don’t know anyone at all. New job etc.
My wife passed 12 years ago and I moved 1000 miles away six years ago. It took three years to get my house sold so I wanted to move long before I did. The work of fixing the house up for sale and finally doing a FSBO took much of my time and attention away from grieving. Now, settled in at my new home and environment, I still have some sad reflections and an occasional sad day. I tend to hibernate a bit in winter so that is a harder time.
I think being more social -- going out with friends or being with people in a group -- has been helpful. I joined a bocce club, take retirement classes, volunteer at a nonprofit, and have a circle of new friends.
No matter what, don’t do anything for at least a year. Don’t buy anything, don’t sell anything, don’t change anything as far as investments, job, etc, in your personal life, don’t date, don’t try to find a replacement, don’t go to bars picking up women. Too many people will try to prey on you and you’re vulnerable. . When that year is up start evaluating what you want or think is best for you to do.
This is frequently given advice. I think it is generally good advice, but there are certainly exceptions. Sometimes something just falls into your lap. Sometimes financial necessity demands quicker action. I think the first year is a good time to work on the journey of grieving, and to make necessary changes cautiously and conservatively. It is not a time to be impulsive. But well considered change is sometimes OK. And by the way, is it EVER a good idea to go to bars to pick up women/men?
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It is hard to decide, sometimes. We have some friends going through this decision process right now.
