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My sister had been in hospice for a year and doing okay...but then she got COVID about 10 days before she could get the vaccine. Now she's gone.
At the nursing home you ask "what do I need to do" - nothing, nothing nothing. Then you get ready to leave and they act surprised - do I need to do anything....nothing. I have to call abour the arrangements and he asks if she is ready to be picked up...I have no idea - no one at the nursing home said they needed time and I should wait. The nursing home seemed surprised when I said someone would be there in an hour.
People want to be nice but I just want someone to tell me - I need somebody to tell me. This has been such a long time coming and now it is here.
Hugs, I'm sorry about your sister, I know how much you tried to help her. There seems to be no set pattern to grieving, although some religions do have protocols. Are you having a memorial service? Do you have any extended family you can talk to, about the good old days with your sister?
reneeh63--I am sorry for your loss. I lost my wife last week under similar circumstances. However, the nursing home could not have been more helpful. I had previously designated a funeral home to take the body and after she passed, the nursing home called and initiated the process. The body was removed and the next day I called the funeral home and in the afternoon went and met with the funeral home staff. We are only going to have a "non-ceremonial cremation" because her ashes will be returned to her native country.
Quote from funeral home website---
"Non-ceremonial Cremation
This cremation option involves no service. We simply respond to the place of death, prepare the necessary legal documents, complete the cremation, and help the family with burial, or home placement following the cremation."
You indicate your sister had been under Hospice for a year--did you not receive any papers, booklet, etc. from the hospice company?
I see from the heading of your post that it is "today at 1:04 pm" I think you are probably dealing with someone at the nursing home who is inexperienced and it is the weekend. That is possibly part of the problem.
You did not indicate what your sister's religion was. Have you contacted her pastor, rabbi, or whatever?
Right now, I think you need to just take a few deep breaths and try to relax. Don't overthink or be rushed into any big decisions. You are not alone, you can get through this. Ask for help if it feels overwhelming.
Thanks everyone. It was just a helpless feeling that I wasn't doing any of this "right". I guess my questions were too detailed for anyone to discuss ahead of time. Even hospice folks don't spend much time talking about what happens after death.
Frankly I wasn't overly impressed with the company I ended up with after changing in midstream - though I'm sure it's helpful for many. And yes, this being on a Sunday probably doesn't make it any easier.
I'd made all the arrangements for cremation months ago and there are only cousins left in my family that neither of us have seen for more than 15(?) years. I had selected some old pictures and a couple from just this Christmas to include in an announcement that I'll be sending to a very few people. I'm glad we had a good holiday - we'd both thought Christmas 2019 would be her last.
Thanks everyone. It was just a helpless feeling that I wasn't doing any of this "right". I guess my questions were too detailed for anyone to discuss ahead of time. Even hospice folks don't spend much time talking about what happens after death.
Frankly I wasn't overly impressed with the company I ended up with after changing in midstream - though I'm sure it's helpful for many. And yes, this being on a Sunday probably doesn't make it any easier.
I'd made all the arrangements for cremation months ago and there are only cousins left in my family that neither of us have seen for more than 15(?) years. I had selected some old pictures and a couple from just this Christmas to include in an announcement that I'll be sending to a very few people. I'm glad we had a good holiday - we'd both thought Christmas 2019 would be her last.
No one is going to grade you, there was no right or wrong, you just push through and do the best you can.
Sort of like divorce everybody backs away when it hits the fan
No different than animals -watch utube what happens when a hyena grabs a baby baboon maybe one brave baboon fights back and defends
Hold on to that baboon he is your friend
You know what - you are in the worst time frame - when the horror of the whole situation seems to hit and we focus on the details trying to get through it all.
I promise you, this part will pass, and probably quickly. I am really sorry for your loss though. I mean it, I truly am.
I'm so sorry about your sister. Hospice certainly should be helping you with some of this; that's what they're for. Literally what they're for. But, of course, not all hospices are created equal, unfortunately.
Are you looking to know what to do on the logistical/admin side ("this is who I need to contact, this is what I need to take care of"), or the emotional side ("how am I supposed to get through this?")? The latter, people can help with. The former... unfortunately, no one can give you much guidance beyond "it's different for everyone, and it's okay to feel X, and you might feel Y, but don't worry if you don't feel Z."
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lillie767
Maybe there was a disconnect between the hospice organization and the nursing home.
BTDT...
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