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Old 06-19-2009, 01:45 PM
 
2,133 posts, read 3,796,692 times
Reputation: 1370

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MG, you look amazing!


Of course, I like big teddy bear guys so I liked the "before" pic as well. (My own DH is a fluffy, snuggly teddy bear.)

It sounds like you have made some very positive steps forward in your life, and for your kids. I hope that you all find happiness again when you are ready.
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Old 12-02-2011, 11:48 PM
 
2 posts, read 767 times
Reputation: 13
I can relate to what you are feeling very well. I lost my husband to cancer in 2009. I am in my mid 30s. I have a son who is 7. My husband battled this illness for two years. He died in my arms in our bed. I must say I would not have had it any other way. I have struggled to move forward in some ways. I wonder whether I am being a great mother and stilll a great wife. I wonder if I will ever fill the void this had left me, but I feel blessed to have been loved by a wonderful man.
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Old 10-11-2012, 09:23 AM
 
Location: Texas
25 posts, read 12,154 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post
Ok, my wife of >12 years passed from cancer after a long illness and I have 2 kids around the age of 10 and I'm in my later 30's.

I wasn't sure where to even put this topic but I'm just looking for some general advice or maybe just a conversation from people that have seen this before about what this new uncharted territory brings.

Sorry for being so general but just looking for some people that have been in or seen similar circumstances that might have some thoughtful comments or advice that I could weigh. (Kids are probably my main focus but I'm open to hearing anything related to this type of situation...)

Thankyou.
I'm so sorry for your loss and the pain you and your children are feeling. In regards to the children, I think it's important that you allow them to ask questions and talk openly about their mother. Let them know it's ok to cry when they talk about her and it's ok if they don't. Let them know that remembering her is good, but enjoying life with you is amazing. Sometimes there is pain in our hearts and you must address that, but remind them there is room for joy also. Laugh with them; have fun with them (guilt free). I know it felt comforting for me to cry with my mom after my dad died (and still does) but it also feels good to laugh with her. Peace, strength and blessings to you.
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Old 10-11-2012, 12:30 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,982 posts, read 11,008,669 times
Reputation: 7251
Just as a side note, the original post is from 2008, and long before there was an official Grief forum...but mathguy is still around, perhaps he'll drop by and let us know how things have worked out for him and his children in the last few years.
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Old 10-11-2012, 01:47 PM
 
Location: Taxachusetts
13,488 posts, read 8,053,748 times
Reputation: 11138
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sam I Am View Post
Just as a side note, the original post is from 2008, and long before there was an official Grief forum...but mathguy is still around, perhaps he'll drop by and let us know how things have worked out for him and his children in the last few years.
I just DM'd mathguy and asked him to stop by and let us know.
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Old 10-11-2012, 03:11 PM
 
30,557 posts, read 18,858,750 times
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Hey guys, thanks for flagging me. It's been 4 and 1/2 years now.

Well here goes....

My older kid is doing great, my younger one has had some anger and other issues but nothing too bad and appears to be doing really well now. This is a great source of comfort to me and arguably my biggest fear....still have to work at it.

I've met someone and am engaged, blended family seems to be working out well for everyone.

I've had no relationship change with my in-laws and they like my fiance. We visit them at the holidays and they come and visit just like before which is a relief for everyone that we all get along. They've had friends where things like this have occurred and grandparents have no legal rights to even see kids so we all cherish each other. (I'd been married 13years so I've known them 19years or so and we've always gotten along.)

I've put weight back on which I'm not happy about but oh well....I have to get back into good habits.

I try to make a point of bringing up their mom whenever I see something that reminds me. Like if a movie comes on I will be "Oh, your mom loved that movie....we went to see it on our first date" and then talk more about things she did and times when we were younger.

I still have some survivors guilt now and then but not as much. Most of my *pressure* is on making sure my kids are growing up right as I'm not as good as my wife about some things but in general, I think I'm doing well there.

I'd be happy to answer any questions people have.
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Old 10-11-2012, 04:48 PM
 
Location: The front porch outside of the Astral Plane
18,940 posts, read 11,206,473 times
Reputation: 29327
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mathguy View Post
Hey guys, thanks for flagging me. It's been 4 and 1/2 years now.

Well here goes....

My older kid is doing great, my younger one has had some anger and other issues but nothing too bad and appears to be doing really well now. This is a great source of comfort to me and arguably my biggest fear....still have to work at it.

I've met someone and am engaged, blended family seems to be working out well for everyone.

I've had no relationship change with my in-laws and they like my fiance. We visit them at the holidays and they come and visit just like before which is a relief for everyone that we all get along. They've had friends where things like this have occurred and grandparents have no legal rights to even see kids so we all cherish each other. (I'd been married 13years so I've known them 19years or so and we've always gotten along.)

I've put weight back on which I'm not happy about but oh well....I have to get back into good habits.

I try to make a point of bringing up their mom whenever I see something that reminds me. Like if a movie comes on I will be "Oh, your mom loved that movie....we went to see it on our first date" and then talk more about things she did and times when we were younger.

I still have some survivors guilt now and then but not as much. Most of my *pressure* is on making sure my kids are growing up right as I'm not as good as my wife about some things but in general, I think I'm doing well there.

I'd be happy to answer any questions people have.
Congratulations on the engagement and I'm glad that you can still share your life with the grandparents. The blended family can work out but as you know just like a marriage it takes lots of work to get it settled into and kept that way overall. Thank you for stopping by and giving an update it is very nice of you to do that. Don't worry about the weight gain, as long as you fit into the trousers you wear at the wedding it's all good...LOL
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Old 10-11-2012, 05:04 PM
 
Location: The Great State of Arkansas
5,982 posts, read 11,008,669 times
Reputation: 7251
Mathguy, that's wonderful - the whole story! Please, please - always remember their mother for them - even the slightest little clue will make them continue to feel connected.

I wish you the very best with your new love and new family. Peace to you.
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Old 10-11-2012, 10:58 PM
 
1,438 posts, read 1,503,240 times
Reputation: 1650
Mathguy,

Wow, Congrats to you and yours. This is wonderful news. You sound like a awesome man. And don't worry about the weight gain. We as humans tend to lose weight when we are single and when we find someone that fits our heart, we become content and get some of the fluff back, but that is a good sign. Thank you for sharing!!
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Old 10-12-2012, 08:01 AM
 
Location: South Florida
1,609 posts, read 1,476,913 times
Reputation: 1108
Congratulations Mathyguy!
Your story made my day.

Just an idea:

Every year around the anniversary of my father's passing, I find a charity or fund raiser that my dad would have been interested in and I make a donation in his name. It takes the sting out of the anniversary, helps others out, and makes me feel better. Maybe your girls would like something like that?

Best of luck to you!!!
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