Anyone else not speaking to a family member after estate/loss of family members?

[Lindsey_Mcfarren]

Originally Posted by Madreof3

It is sad and heart breaking to try and mend fences when you don't know what you did and they don't want to mend that fence. My Mother passed 18 yrs. ago, my Father is
still here but in poor health. My older sister has been horrible for the past 16 yrs. some people are just always unhappy and bitter. My Father is so afraid of her getting angry with him it is sad, his pat answer to me is don't say anything to upset your sister. Never mind that she told him I was dead to her because he gave me a chair. I dread the day my Dad is gone I know it will be a nightmare. There are 4 of us and she only speaks to my younger sister.

Some days I think I have had enough, but when I see sisters that really get along and enjoy each others company and families it hurts to not have that and to know all that my children are missing out on.

I know what you mean, when I see depictions of happy families like that it almost feels like lie. Something dreamed up to sell Hallmark cards.

Thing were never good in my family but when my Father passed away, they became out of control.

[driftwoodpoint]

Families are sure tough. When my mom was ill my brother never lifted a finger to help at all. He lived much closer than I did to them. But I stopped everthing in my life to go up and help and ended up staying a year and a half. It caused all sorts of problems in my marriage. Then when she passed away I came home and cleaned out their huge home which took 14 months of almost working every day on my part. I took some things up to him and he threw most of the things away. I just don't understand him. I found out from my dad that all these years he has never sent them a card or called on anniversary, birthday's, mother or father's day. I was soooo shocked at that. I just think it is who he is but I decided I just don't want to be around him. If I see him I am polite but don't care to spend time with him. My dad and I are very close and I enjoy him so much. I think part of being in a family is that you help each other when you can. They should be your soft place to fall and your support system but it just isn't always that way.
If I were you I would give it my best shot, which sounds like you have, and then you don't have regrets or feel you didn't do the right thing. Then you spend time with your friends and family and just enjoy life!!! You sure can't control any one else. And the worst thing you can do is to let them steal your joy!

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by driftwoodpoint

Families are sure tough. When my mom was ill my brother never lifted a finger to help at all. He lived much closer than I did to them. But I stopped everthing in my life to go up and help and ended up staying a year and a half. It caused all sorts of problems in my marriage. Then when she passed away I came home and cleaned out their huge home which took 14 months of almost working every day on my part. I took some things up to him and he threw most of the things away. I just don't understand him. I found out from my dad that all these years he has never sent them a card or called on anniversary, birthday's, mother or father's day. I was soooo shocked at that. I just think it is who he is but I decided I just don't want to be around him. If I see him I am polite but don't care to spend time with him. My dad and I are very close and I enjoy him so much. I think part of being in a family is that you help each other when you can. They should be your soft place to fall and your support system but it just isn't always that way.
If I were you I would give it my best shot, which sounds like you have, and then you don't have regrets or feel you didn't do the right thing. Then you spend time with your friends and family and just enjoy life!!! You sure can't control any one else. And the worst thing you can do is to let them steal your joy!

You are right Drift. I did try and have no regrets. If he died tomorrow(I obviously am not wishing it but)if he did I wouldn't feel guilty at all! knowing I tried. I have an awesome husband and wonderful children (twins) that are definitely my life! It sure makes up for crap like this!

[Georgie713]

NJSocks, just like you my hubby & children are & will always be my life. Of course you too Lindsey with your daughter.
Let me say my sister had a harder time dealing with all this (shes 3yrs younger), and when they started dying she contemplated going every time. She choose not to, because she would always remember how she felt in 1989, when our favorite uncle died. At my uncles funeral, is where my fathers side of the family started to attack us. It was awful. Our uncle was like our father (because we didn't know him till 17), and our closest family member. We didn't fight back, we just let them attack because it was a funeral, and looking back, I think we were in shock about it. I never regretted not going, or thought I was doing a bad thing. My hubby, children & my sisters family is all I have (oh! and the out-laws...hee hee), and we are all super close. Hate, & disrespect is a terrible way to treat family, or any people in general.

[driftwoodpoint]

Good for you njsocks...best thing in life is no regrets.

[Sundance]

Family should love you MORE, should treat you BETTER.

Yes, as usual, I agree with you.

[sincere1782]

I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I myself do not talk to my mother's side of the family over money. My mother passed away when I was 13. I was living with my father and brother from then until I was 18 and that is when I moved to Tallahasse and went to college where my mother's side of the family resided. Well to make a long story short. Everyone told me my mother had left me and my brother some money and that my aunt had it, but because I had my daughter out of wedlock she wasn't going to give it to me. So I confronted her about it and we had a physical fight, she called the police and said that i had beat her up, which of course I didn't and I have just basically stayed away from that whole side of the family. All they do is keep up mess and drama. Anyone that would take from their own sister's children is pathetic in my opinion.
My aunt is retired, doesn't have any children drives a mercades beinz brags about our money and how she is spending it... and i'm supposed to kiss her ass. Please, the next time she will see me is at her funeral so I can spit on her grave!!

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by sincere1782

I'm sorry that you have to go through that. I myself do not talk to my mother's side of the family over money. My mother passed away when I was 13. I was living with my father and brother from then until I was 18 and that is when I moved to Tallahasse and went to college where my mother's side of the family resided. Well to make a long story short. Everyone told me my mother had left me and my brother some money and that my aunt had it, but because I had my daughter out of wedlock she wasn't going to give it to me. So I confronted her about it and we had a physical fight, she called the police and said that i had beat her up, which of course I didn't and I have just basically stayed away from that whole side of the family. All they do is keep up mess and drama. Anyone that would take from their own sister's children is pathetic in my opinion.
My aunt is retired, doesn't have any children drives a mercades beinz brags about our money and how she is spending it... and i'm supposed to kiss her ass. Please, the next time she will see me is at her funeral so I can spit on her grave!!

hey sincere! Your aunt will be the "richest person" in the cemetery!!
Man, it sure is in a ton of families.It sucks.

All I can say is mean people suck.

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by Georgie713

NJSocks, just like you my hubby & children are & will always be my life. Of course you too Lindsey with your daughter.
Let me say my sister had a harder time dealing with all this (shes 3yrs younger), and when they started dying she contemplated going every time. She choose not to, because she would always remember how she felt in 1989, when our favorite uncle died. At my uncles funeral, is where my fathers side of the family started to attack us. It was awful. Our uncle was like our father (because we didn't know him till 17), and our closest family member. We didn't fight back, we just let them attack because it was a funeral, and looking back, I think we were in shock about it. I never regretted not going, or thought I was doing a bad thing. My hubby, children & my sisters family is all I have (oh! and the out-laws...hee hee), and we are all super close. Hate, & disrespect is a terrible way to treat family, or any people in general.

THANK YOU GEORGIE AND DRIFT!! You guys rock. Thanks for making me feel better.

[60-minutes-II]

^ummmm.....take her to court?