Anyone else not speaking to a family member after estate/loss of family members?

[pitt_transplant]

I dont talk to my family anymore after my grandmother died. I only talked to them up to that point as to not upset her. After she was gone so was I. Its was over a compiled list of wrong doings with money, words, actions. My guy doesnt talk to his family either. (money,estate,actions)

Most people are just plain ole' sh**ty and sometimes you are related to them.
I would really just love to grab people like we are discussing by the ear and scream "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU" directly in the ear until all they hear is thier own migraine.

Or makes me wish we were all just animals and we could claw thier lungs out....

I seriously dont get it when parents are the people doing this type of crap as is in both our situations here (me & mine).
Its like...who do they think is going to take care of stuff and them when they are old?
The thieves in the state run nursing homes?
yeh...right....
They dont have anyone else. I just hope they are left to starve to death on a clogged feeding tube or die from a septic bowel obstruction.
(yeh..have I mentioned I hate them?)

[zesty waters]

You have your own family now. Love them unconditonally and do everythng you can to make sure that your children have a relationship with one another. Sometimes it is necessary that we are taught how to communicate with one another. Especially when we need to be heard or listened to. I don't thnk you can do much about having a relationship with your brother. He has sent a clear message that he does not want a relationship with you. Accept it-but you can still love him and miss him. You can change this. Who knows what may happen one day. Take peace and love your family.

[sincere1782]

I don't think my mother had a will. So i decided not to pursue the issue further. i just choose to move on with my life.

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by pitt_transplant

I dont talk to my family anymore after my grandmother died. I only talked to them up to that point as to not upset her. After she was gone so was I. Its was over a compiled list of wrong doings with money, words, actions. My guy doesnt talk to his family either. (money,estate,actions)

Most people are just plain ole' sh**ty and sometimes you are related to them.
I would really just love to grab people like we are discussing by the ear and scream "WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU" directly in the ear until all they hear is thier own migraine.

Or makes me wish we were all just animals and we could claw thier lungs out....

I seriously dont get it when parents are the people doing this type of crap as is in both our situations here (me & mine).
Its like...who do they think is going to take care of stuff and them when they are old?
The thieves in the state run nursing homes?
yeh...right....
They dont have anyone else. I just hope they are left to starve to death on a clogged feeding tube or die from a septic bowel obstruction.
(yeh..have I mentioned I hate them?)

that stinks! I am sorry for what you had to go through. You cannot pick your family as the old addage goes?!

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by njsocks

Has this happened to anyone? Not speaking to a family member after someone in family died?
We weren't the closest growing up, but you would think a brother/sister would mature through the years.
My mom died 14 years ago. My brother (who is 2 years older than I)married a real peach of a woman.He fought with her through their relationship it is a wonder they are still together. She basically didn't want him to have a relationship with anyone in his family. She is very insecure and my brother has cut off basically everyone in his extended family. My mother and father are both deceased. This event happened after the passing of my mom.

I had gotten married 3 wks after my mom died. I still had things in my old house that I resided in for 29 years. I asked my brother to do a walk through of anything in house he/I wanted to split or take....I called him 3 times,left messages on answering machine and no call backs.

I proceeded to go over the old house and get my things I still had..I went to the door and the locks were changed ! I then ended up getting my belongings and leaving ALL THE FURNITURE/APPLIANCES/lawn equipment..only my Mom's bedroom set!

My dear brother came over my house and had a few choice words for me. He was getting married in 2 weeks and had not one stick of furniture. They had nothing to move into their small apt. He then "spit" right in my face and told me a few more choice words. I was humiliated to say the least. I am going to only mention the basics here as I care not to bring everything up here.

Being the nice person I am, I called him 5 months later after the whole ordeal with my mom's estate was over..He asked me "who put me up to calling him".. I said, I am the only sister you have and you are the only brother I have".. He basically didn't care. I had gotten divorced and a friend had told him I wanted to talk to him. He said Maybe in a few months that he was having a kid...That never happened (getting a hold of me).

He had two kids and never told anyone in my family except one family member *an aunt* that he even had a child. I sent a savings bond in his kid's name and got it returned to me w/ his wife's writing on it. I sent him a few cards over the years and an announcement on the birth of my kids. I haven't seen him in 14 years. I just think life is too short, but when you keep getting kicked in the arse its not worth it anymore. I think I was the bigger one by trying to end this crud.What could one be so bitter about 14 years later is beyond me over petty stuff. I chose to let all of this nonsense go years ago..I guess if I died tomorrow he would still not show any remorse or care at all.

Would you even bother to contact someone like this anymore? I thnk I have had enough heartache.It just totally hurts he could have nothing to do with his own sister.

darlin, I am so so sorry this has happened to you...unfortunately he sounds like a very angry & disjointed person and nothing you do will change his mind.

I would try, and I know it's hard and despairingl..is to concentrate on you and your life and forget what is going on there with him. You cannot change people unless they want to change...not to mention, that his treatment of you was dispicable...you didn't deserve that.

Hugs to ya
Creme

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by cremebrulee

darlin, I am so so sorry this has happened to you...unfortunately he sounds like a very angry & disjointed person and nothing you do will change his mind.

I would try, and I know it's hard and despairingl..is to concentrate on you and your life and forget what is going on there with him. You cannot change people unless they want to change...not to mention, that his treatment of you was dispicable...you didn't deserve that.

Hugs to ya
Creme

Creme! THANK YOU! my friend! I appreciate your kind words. I agree. I need to let go and get on with my own life. At least I can go to my grave knowing I tried! He will have to live with himself...just like you mentioned, he is obviously very angry and disjointed! Something is wrong somewhere........
Again, thank you for your kind words! You made my day!

[njsocks]

Originally Posted by zesty waters

You have your own family now. Love them unconditonally and do everythng you can to make sure that your children have a relationship with one another. Sometimes it is necessary that we are taught how to communicate with one another. Especially when we need to be heard or listened to. I don't thnk you can do much about having a relationship with your brother. He has sent a clear message that he does not want a relationship with you. Accept it-but you can still love him and miss him. You can change this. Who knows what may happen one day. Take peace and love your family.

THANK YOU ZESTY! I agree with everything you said. I tell my kids all the time *twins*b/g that they are friends for life! as well as brother and sis! They give each other a hug every day!! thank you again. I really appreciate it!

[cremebrulee]

Originally Posted by njsocks

Creme! THANK YOU! my friend! I appreciate your kind words. I agree. I need to let go and get on with my own life. At least I can go to my grave knowing I tried! He will have to live with himself...just like you mentioned, he is obviously very angry and disjointed! Something is wrong somewhere........
Again, thank you for your kind words! You made my day!

yanno, sometimes, I think in our hearts, we know what we have to do, but it also helps to get ther perspective of others...and this group in here, is a fine group of people to talk with....

wishing you the best

[njsocks]

It DEFINITELY helps!!!
Thank you again my friend!!!!!!! Have a WONDERFUL DAY and great 4th weekend!

[loveautumn]

Oh yes, after my dad died, my brother's words/actions toward me were so shocking I couldn't believe it...I've been told when there's a death in the family that people's true characters come out...and I can believe that. Our relationship was never that close, but it really fell apart after that...even though I've tried and tried to keep it going. Like you said, at least I know I tried my best and that's all I could do.