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Old 02-24-2009, 12:26 PM
 
Location: Orlando
8,181 posts, read 16,153,579 times
Reputation: 49730

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There is no timetable. Like the others have stated, over time, you'll remember the good times and smile.
I have been fortunate so far in life that at 46 both my parents are still with us. I know it won't be too long into the future that I'll probably be coming back and reading this thread for me.

You have my deepest sympathies.
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Old 02-24-2009, 01:06 PM
 
Location: Las Vegas, NV
94 posts, read 217,109 times
Reputation: 37
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this
I am truly sorry for your loss. My father passed away from lung cancer in July of last year. Unfortunately, he lived back home (hawaii) and although I went to see him a few times I knew that every time could really be goodbye. It made leaving him even harder.

There is no time frame when greaving for love ones. Don't do that to yourself! Lean on those who you hold dear in your heart and understand that when you are truly ready to let go, you'll feel it in your heart. He'll always be with you even when you get there but trust me when I say he also wants you to let him go and keep the memories alive.

Please know that you are not alone. (hug)
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Old 02-24-2009, 03:46 PM
 
5,273 posts, read 6,394,282 times
Reputation: 14920
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this
OMG! that is only 2 weeks and a day.
Take time to grieve...You will be going through ALOT of emotions...In denial, angry,sad, mad.... it is all NORMAL too! I am sorry for your loss. I lost my mom at 68 and my dad at 58. I was 23 when my dad died. It was hard. My mom died 6 years later....It is hard...It's been 14 years for my mom now and I still get sad at times..The holidays really hit me at times... It is normal...If you need to talk, vent...let it out...take care.
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Old 02-24-2009, 06:28 PM
 
37 posts, read 58,905 times
Reputation: 19
Default Who knows?

I can kinda relate im an only child and my mother was murdered Sept 23 2007 by my stepfather and I am still lost. I fell into a serious depression that I am still not over BUT remember the good times one thing i started thinking was how would mom tell me to handle situations on occasionally it helps
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Old 02-24-2009, 07:14 PM
 
Location: Tennessee bound...someday
2,515 posts, read 4,262,359 times
Reputation: 7112
Aptor hours, I am very sorry for your loss.

There is an exceptional piece written by Henry Van Dyke. You can google it: "Gone From My Sight".
It's a very short poem that was a great comfort to me when my husband died.

I think, IMO, grief is like a blanket. At first, you keep trying to kick it off you - it's too heavy, too hot - it's smothering you.

Then, you'll find that along with the ever-present grief; good memories & loving thoughts are sneaking up and
crawling under the blanket with you, keeping you warm.

A time will come when you can leave the blanket aside for a while; but you'll actually want to come back to it voluntarily.
Grief will take on a sort of comfort - a safety zone for you to escape to.

I'm coming up on 3 years this summer. That blanket is still there; but now I just sort of let it keep my feet warm.
I like knowing it will always be there when I feel like being alone & reminiscing.
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Old 02-24-2009, 08:45 PM
 
Location: Syracuse IS Central New York.
8,516 posts, read 3,811,413 times
Reputation: 4005
Will you ever get over it? No. But you will get on with living. Eventually the tears will subside, on your time schedule, no one else's. Days will come where you can remember your father lovingly--sometimes with tears, and sometimes without.
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Old 02-24-2009, 10:06 PM
 
Location: Wyoming
9,163 posts, read 16,510,896 times
Reputation: 13349
This doesn't fit for a parent's death, but for surviving spouses....

A day or two after my late wife's death, her daughters and I were looking through her computer files for poems she'd written and came across this one. At first it shocked me, because her death came without warning, but I later found out she had written it for a friend of hers who had lost his wife.

To Comfort You

Love, linger not at this, the home
In which you've laid me down to rest.
Don't weep or scuff the fresh new soil
That presses lightly on my breast.

The heart that danced in time with yours
No longer strains or clings to life.
The pain that tore us both apart
No more can harm your faithful wife.

Come, touch the stone that speaks my name;
Don't curse the fates that put me here.
The day has passed for fault and blame;
It was my time to leave you, dear.

But, though this grave, now hoe-blade new,
Will, in good time, be overgrown,
My spirit's warmth will follow you,
And see that you are not alone.

One day, I know you'll join me here,
And take my hand in yours once more.
Together, we'll go toward the Light
And knock, as one, on Heaven's door.

Now, tuck your sorrow far from sight
And kiss the children tenderly.
I'll slumber, dreamless, in the night,
Until, at last, you come for me.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:00 AM
 
Location: San Diego, Ca
747 posts, read 1,515,594 times
Reputation: 616
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this

Aptor, I am so sorry to hear of your loss. I went thru the same thing with my Dad. He passed away in 1993 at the age of 53. Heart attack. It was sudden. He was my life. Give yourself time. It does get easier but you never forget. It took me several month's to be able to talk about him to others. And that helped. They would tell stories about things he done or something funny he said. Just talking about him helped.
There were times even a year later that the phone would ring and I just assumed it was him calling me to tell me a joke. Or I'd be in a store and someone would walk by that wore the same cologne he wore that would remind me of him. I welcome that now.
And just remember, they are still alive in our hearts and always will be.
But there is nothing wrong with crying. I am not a person to cry easily and after loosing my Dad I wouldn't cry if anyone was around. That hurt me in the long run. I finally broke down several month's later and went thru the grieving process. Which I should have done sooner.
My heart and prayers are with you during this time in your life. You have a lot of support here. And do call and check on your Mom. It does help.
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Old 02-26-2009, 07:03 PM
 
Location: Colorado Springs, CO
1,570 posts, read 5,159,862 times
Reputation: 1388
I'm sorry for your loss.
Over my life time, I've lost all my family members. I have but one left.
Grief has stages and what you are feeling is normal. - shock & disbelief is the first stage.
You are doing fine.
Check on line - there are (depending who you ask) 5 - 7 stages of grief.
The loss of a parent, esp. the first parnet is very difficult. We assume that parnets are "always there". It's a major passage of life to lose a parent.
Take care of yourself.
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Old 02-27-2009, 04:41 AM
 
Location: Connecticut
1,461 posts, read 4,097,215 times
Reputation: 1646
Default How Long Does It take to deal with Death of My Father

My condolences to you in the loss of your Dad. You cannot and should not put a time limit on yourself or your family members when it comes to losing a loved one. This seems to be something that all people have a hard time understanding. There is no time limit on grieving and everyone does it in their own way and in their own time.

My second husband died very young at age 42 from a massive heart attack. It took me 6 years to even start to feel better about it and during those 6 years, I went for some counseling and found that working out and playing women's amateur softball helped a great deal. The physical exercise works off a lot of stress and sadness.

First and foremost...it is OK to be sad and it is OK to cry and it is OK to miss your Dad. Don't try to stop those feelings from rising to the surface. Please....try to call your Mom. You are her legacy from your Dad a very special part of her life and she needs you. Get beyond turning yourself inside out with grief and embrace how she has to be feeling.

In the meantime, maybe you could go to grief counseling. It did help me a lot even though I took six years to get over my loss. I think a big part of my issue with getting over my loss was that I found my husband dead and tried to do CPR which didn't work....so..chin up, it will get better.
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