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Old 02-23-2009, 05:52 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 9,861,102 times
Reputation: 3782

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My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this
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Old 02-23-2009, 05:58 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,310,607 times
Reputation: 9335
OMGosh are you kidding, Feb 9th and you expect to just 'get over it'? It doesn't happen that way. I'm so sorry for your loss. Don't feel guilty, just call your mom, or visit her if you can. Sure, it's tough, but you'll have someone to go through it with. You need a support system more than anything right now. Don't deny yourself and your loved ones that, please. I lost a brother 3 years ago this month and the first anniversary of my sister's death is coming up next month and I'm still breaking down. But it's getting easier. I have my ways of getting through the rough days. You need to find what works for you. But please, get some kind of support going whether it's family or counseling. Best of luck to you.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:04 PM
 
13,779 posts, read 23,208,064 times
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You are just getting started with dealing with the loss of your father. Give yourself time, plenty of time...
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:04 PM
 
Location: Up above the world so high!
45,270 posts, read 86,039,386 times
Reputation: 39664
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this
February 9th, OF THIS YEAR??? Try thinking of February 9th 2010 before you get to a place where you are even starting to "get over it".

I'm so sorry for your loss, but please realize, grief is a process, not a one day event! It takes a long time to recover when you've lost someone important to you.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:09 PM
 
Location: Incognito
7,001 posts, read 18,164,277 times
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Sorry for your loss.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:11 PM
 
Location: Everybody is going to hurt you, you just gotta find the ones worth suffering for-B Marley
9,506 posts, read 17,310,607 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
February 9th, OF THIS YEAR??? Try thinking of February 9th 2010 before you get to a place where you are even starting to "get over it".
But in reality, there is no getting over it, you have to prepare for that. As the first anniversary of my sister approaches I find myself getting more and more emotional and I'm dreading the date. But, unlike with my brother--he was the first loss I've experienced--I'm preparing to celebrate her life by having a video made with a song I've chosen and pics of her. That may be a bit rough for you right now but the point is, you need to let yourself grieve and don't think you need to hurry through it. That's unrealistic.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:16 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 9,861,102 times
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Ok well at least I won't feel silly for still feeling very very sad
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:18 PM
 
Location: NH and lovin' it!
1,780 posts, read 3,286,205 times
Reputation: 1313
Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
My father passed away Feb. 9 and I still am not over it Does it get better. I know this is not a unique situation since most people will have to deal with this and my father was to young at 68 to die and gave his all to myself and brother and sister. It almost seems like I am getting worse. The first week after he passed I just truly felt like he would be home next week and he was just away. I have been having mild anxiety attacks and I cannot think of my Dad without tears. I feel guilty for not calling my Mom more since she is sooo sad at losing him. How does one handle all this
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. The other posters are telling you truly... it takes lots more time to learn to deal with a death. Do call your mother and other relatives--sharing your grief is the best way to get it into perspective. And one thing I tell anyone who is facing what you are: You never "get over" the loss, but you do learn to carry it with you. It's part of you, and dealing with it openly now will give you the strength to live your life with the good memories you have. (I know this from personal experience.)
My best to you.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:26 PM
 
Location: Coachella Valley, California
15,533 posts, read 35,646,549 times
Reputation: 13126
You are never going to "get over it". With time, your grief will subside and become bearable, but you will never get over it. There will forever be a void. Over time you will be able to deal with your loss and not think about it all the time, but you are going to have those moments where you are just going to cry - and it could be many, many years down the road.

I lost my brother 9 years ago and I still miss him. It's been 9 years, but sometimes I can be going about my business and something - a smell, a sound, something I see - will trigger a memory and I will start crying like a baby.

Give yourself some time. February 9th was only two weeks ago. Just take each day as it comes. The ONLY thing that is going to help you work through your grief is the passage of time. Cry when you need to cry, there is no shame in that. I send you my sincerest condolences on the loss of your father.
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Old 02-23-2009, 06:39 PM
 
Location: CITY OF ANGELS AND CONSTANT DANGER
5,409 posts, read 11,068,069 times
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never
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