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Old 06-08-2009, 09:19 AM
 
Location: southern california
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it has to do with respect for oneself and others, something incomprehensible to most of this age.
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:19 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
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Quote:
Originally Posted by gavinzmick View Post
Hello, I would like to know that what purpose does a funeral serve? I mean, Is it help to the survivors or anything else?
I have not read the other replies, but I'm sure that most of them are going to tell you that it gives the survivors a sense of "closure" which is a lot of psychobable that somebody made up.

Personally, I think that funrals are barbaric and horrible. I would never go to one and I would never want anyone I cared about to go to mine. I will never forget when I was 12 and went to my grandmother's funeral and it was like every memory I ever had of her was instantly erased and the only memory I now have of her is looking at her dead body in the casket.

I cannot understand why anybody would want to have or go to one. It's just wrong.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-08-2009, 09:58 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Jane72 View Post
I don't know. I only went to one.
It was when I was a little kid. It was a funeral for a baby. One of my parents' friends had a baby that was born with defects and died after about a month in the hospital.

I went up to the coffin to look at the baby. There were stuffed animals and blankets in the coffin. The baby had not been embalmed very well. There was clear fluid leaking out of various openings in its face- specifically, I think, its ear- and dampening the little lacy pillow on which its head was lying.

This scared me and broke my heart.
I have never been to another funeral, including my grandparents' or several casual friends and acquaintances who have died.
I don't really ever plan to go to another one. I think they're gruesome and morbid. *
I never intend to look at another dead body, if I can help it.
If I had to see one of my loved ones that way, it would destroy me.

I, myself, intend to be cremated and scattered.





* I would, however, show my support for the bereaved by going to a "wake", if invited. Or some other such after-service which doesn't involve the corpse being on display.
You're talking about an open casket viewing. Not all viewings are open casket, some can be closed casket or the cremated ashes are on display in an urn.

I've been to 6 funerals/viewings and only ONE was open casket. The other 4 were either closed casket or the body had already been cremated (and on another note, only 2 of them included a "public" burials). As morbid as it may seem, I got more closure out of saying goodbye to the viewable body than saying goodbye to an urn or a closed casket. I guess for me, I need to see the person in order to say goodbye (and I'm sure that's much to my grandmother's dismay who believed once the body was dead, the soul was gone and the body held no meaning or importance).

So anyway, unless you knew before hand that they were all open casket, it's very possible you could have attended some of these funerals you have skipped because the body may not have been on display. Alternatively, you could have skipped the viewing but attended the burial.

Also, some people hold a viewing before cremation occurs so there may still be an open casket viewing even if you plan on being cremated. If this bothers you, you should make a note in your will to be cremated before any type of viewing.
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:13 AM
 
Location: SW Missouri
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
You're talking about an open casket viewing. Not all viewings are open casket, some can be closed casket or the cremated ashes are on display in an urn.

I've been to 6 funerals/viewings and only ONE was open casket. The other 4 were either closed casket or the body had already been cremated (and on another note, only 2 of them included a "public" burials). As morbid as it may seem, I got more closure out of saying goodbye to the viewable body than saying goodbye to an urn or a closed casket. I guess for me, I need to see the person in order to say goodbye (and I'm sure that's much to my grandmother's dismay who believed once the body was dead, the soul was gone and the body held no meaning or importance).

So anyway, unless you knew before hand that they were all open casket, it's very possible you could have attended some of these funerals you have skipped because the body may not have been on display. Alternatively, you could have skipped the viewing but attended the burial.

Also, some people hold a viewing before cremation occurs so there may still be an open casket viewing even if you plan on being cremated. If this bothers you, you should make a note in your will to be cremated before any type of viewing.
When my husband went to his aunt's funeral (she was 96) he said he gave her a poke in the casket and it felt just like when you poke a roast a the grocery store. Cold, hard, dead. I might go to a funeral of someone that I didn't know just for curiousity's sake. Just to see what a dead person looks like. But I'd never go to a friends or love ones. What a horrible memory to have.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-08-2009, 11:21 AM
 
Location: Colorado (PA at heart)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
When my husband went to his aunt's funeral (she was 96) he said he gave her a poke in the casket and it felt just like when you poke a roast a the grocery store. Cold, hard, dead. I might go to a funeral of someone that I didn't know just for curiousity's sake. Just to see what a dead person looks like. But I'd never go to a friends or love ones. What a horrible memory to have.

20yrsinBranson
It's really not horrible at all. It was a little weird at first but honestly, seeing the dead body forced me to grieve harder, right then and there and move on faster afterwards - which is the whole point. Not seeing the body... it just doesn't feel as "real" and it doesn't "hit home" as much that they are gone.
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Old 06-08-2009, 12:25 PM
 
Location: S.Dak
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http://www.city-data.com/forum/relat...r-funeral.html
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Old 06-08-2009, 02:31 PM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,153,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
When my husband went to his aunt's funeral (she was 96) he said he gave her a poke in the casket and it felt just like when you poke a roast a the grocery store. Cold, hard, dead. I might go to a funeral of someone that I didn't know just for curiousity's sake. Just to see what a dead person looks like. But I'd never go to a friends or love ones. What a horrible memory to have. I cannot understand why anybody would want to have or go to one. It's just wrong.
IMHO there are far worse memories to have.
Still, I remember feeling the way you do about it--the deceased is an empty shell, so why must we dwell on it?
After I had to do it (I had to go identify my mom at the hospital) I got over myself--it certainly is a reminder that *none* of us is immortal, and anything can happen at any time. Death is a part of life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by PA2UK View Post
It's really not horrible at all. It was a little weird at first but honestly, seeing the dead body forced me to grieve harder, right then and there and move on faster afterwards - which is the whole point. Not seeing the body... it just doesn't feel as "real" and it doesn't "hit home" as much that they are gone.
I tend to agree.
I do think 'closure' from a funeral is somewhat of a fallacy, but I do not think funerals are wrong.
Ritual matters.
It changes throughout the centuries, and from culture to culture, but it matters. We go to weddings--and we go to funerals.
We help and support each other.
Even just attending some sort of ceremony to mark someone's passing at least gives us notice that the departed is indeed gone.
I kept my younger son from going to my stepfather's funeral. It was a graveside service (there was no viewing.) He was young (4) and I thought he should not be there. It was a mistake. For awhile afterwards, he kept asking my poor mom where Papa was.
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Old 06-09-2009, 02:08 AM
 
Location: Fort Worth, Texas
10,716 posts, read 31,030,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by pekemom View Post
It's supposed to provide "closure". I think it's a sad, drawn out affair that makes it all the more painful, but, to each his own. I too plan on cremation.
I have always heard that the funeral is for the living and I am sure there are people out there who feel that way however my Fathers funeral was a horrible day that I would have sooner skipped.

I have not been back in that church since his death 10 years ago, I don't even think I drove by it. I went to one funeral after my Father died, a family friend who was elderly and it was like reliving my Fathers all over again. No more funerals for me.
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Old 06-09-2009, 04:14 AM
 
Location: on an island
13,374 posts, read 40,153,042 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Lindsey_Mcfarren View Post
No more funerals for me.
Well, the deceased certainly won't be bothered by this.
But if my brother passed away or lost one of his children, or if a good friend died, I would not be staying home.
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Old 06-09-2009, 08:08 PM
 
Location: Houston, Texas
10,425 posts, read 43,516,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NC~Mom View Post
I've often wondered how we came up with such a rediculous tradition.
I would never want to be displayed for people to walk by and view my dead body...who knows what kind of talent the hairstylist/makeup artist has...if any?
I don't attend funerals.
I'm being cremated!
Wow.........finially some one I agree with on this interesting subject. I agree with everything you said. I feel it is disrespectful to grobble over a dead body. I sure would not want everyone staring at me in a box.

I also feel having a party after the funeral is also disrepectful. I did attend one of these and everyone just laughed and had fun while eating. Never again for me.

I like you also do not attend funerals even when it was family. If family and friends can't respect my beliefs then I dont respect theirs.
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