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Old 08-04-2009, 04:29 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,551 posts, read 10,158,864 times
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Am I strange or what? My dad passed away in Feb. and I feel like I am having a terrible time with not only missng him and all that but guilt I feel so guilty that I didn't appreciate him and I used him up or something. He gave me so much including time and money I just feel like I drained him of his life It is horrible...is this normal what the heck...I don't understand it
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Old 08-04-2009, 04:33 PM
 
Location: NE Florida
9,362 posts, read 22,736,330 times
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Tell him that. When you are alone, tell him that out loud. I don't think that you need to do it out loud for him, he already knows. But do it out loud for you. Tell him how much you loved him. Tell him that you need to know that he knows how you feel. I don't know how to explain it, but you will come to know that he understands and that it is okay.
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Old 08-04-2009, 05:17 PM
 
Location: Northern California
481 posts, read 638,596 times
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All you have to do is sit down quietly and talk to your dad.
He will hear you.
He wants you to forgive yourself.
He wants you to remember him with a smile.
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Old 08-04-2009, 06:44 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,805 posts, read 55,631,864 times
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Or go visit his grave by yourself early one morning. Tell him all, cry if you wish, and leave feeling healed.
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:17 PM
 
Location: I think my user name clarifies that.
8,293 posts, read 23,065,088 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Aptor hours View Post
Am I strange or what? My dad passed away in Feb. and I feel like I am having a terrible time with not only missng him and all that but guilt I feel so guilty that I didn't appreciate him and I used him up or something. He gave me so much including time and money I just feel like I drained him of his life It is horrible...is this normal what the heck...I don't understand it
What you are experiencing is actually very normal. You're grieving. You should not expect this to not be happening.

Find a grief support group.
Go talk to your pastor, if you are part of a church. Most pastors are highly trained and experienced in these issues.
Check into finding a competent counselor.

You should expect the process of grief to take at least a year, but mostly like it'll take a good two years.
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:34 PM
 
Location: Florida
6,262 posts, read 17,308,095 times
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Aptor, I don't recall you revealing to us on CD about that and I'm sorry to learn of his passing. Sorry too that you're in such anguish.
All the responses are spot on, IMHO.

I went through much the same feelings after losing first my dad in 2001, then my mom in 2005.

I still miss them. Still feel guilty sometimes that I didn't go by enough, didn't sympathize enough, just didn't do enough of everything. Maybe that's normal.

Hugs to you
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:38 PM
ino
 
Location: Way beyond the black stump.
680 posts, read 2,192,256 times
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My old man wrote something down many years ago when I was a kid...

When the distant sun is sinking
and your mind from care is free,
When of someone you are thinking
may you sometimes think of me.

I think he wrote this because me and him sort of never got on all that well, but I understood, and he understood, and that's all that mattered. You'll find your old man will be saying the same thing when you speak with him, and rest assured, he understands perfectly, he was your father, that's what us fathers do...we understand!
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:43 PM
 
1,563 posts, read 1,952,135 times
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I know how you feel first hand, I lost my mother last September. It has been nearly a year and I am just now starting to feel like less of a Ghost in reverse. A ghost is a person who's body passes but who's soul or spirit remains on earth.

I have felt like my spirit passed last year and my body is simply what remains. Omaha makes some excellent points, do not let anyone tell you "Its time now"...let the grieving process take as long as it has to. Seek out supportive friends or relatives (my brother being a huge help for me) Join a bereavement support group or online bereavement discussion board if you feel the need.

Although you ultimately must come to a reckoning with your father's passing yourself, you do not have to travel the path to that reckoning alone.
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Old 08-04-2009, 08:50 PM
 
Location: Leaving fabulous Las Vegas, Nevada
3,850 posts, read 6,835,435 times
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Just give yourself enough time to grieve. When my sister passed away it was hard for a long time. It's a process and feeling guilt is one of the steps....
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Old 08-04-2009, 11:26 PM
 
8,240 posts, read 15,204,740 times
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I'm so sorry. My dad passed away 3 years ago, and I still feel this way. Find someone you love and tell them you love them. Do the right thing by the people who are alive right now and in your life. Do it for your dad. It will help. Good luck.
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