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Old 07-19-2012, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Mammoth Lakes, CA
3,360 posts, read 8,358,680 times
Reputation: 8595

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Quote:
I read through some of the posts and it's appalling that some people can hate moms so much so that they won't attend their funerals.
How wrong can anyone possibly be? There are countless people who don't attend a mother's funeral that worshipped their mothers! You are so naive to think that everyone who stays away does so because they "hated" their mothers? Grief is a personal issue. Many people who lose their mothers are not emotionally or physically able to attend a funeral, they are prostrate with pain. Similarly, I've known spouses who could not attend their husband/wife's funeral because they were so devastated.
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Old 07-19-2012, 05:43 PM
 
Location: 39 20' 59"N / 75 30' 53"W
16,077 posts, read 28,451,587 times
Reputation: 18184
Quote:
Originally Posted by beach.guy View Post
This is NOT the time for petty infighting but for the whole family to come together.
Of course, you're talking about a perfect world, where differences are set aside and all family members show a degree of maturity....

I might have a change of heart and attend when the time comes, just to get one last look at the nasty, surly faces of family. Mom would feel so special...she always did love drama.
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Old 07-19-2012, 06:40 PM
 
Location: Colorado
659 posts, read 1,010,172 times
Reputation: 507
I went to my mom's funeral and wish I had not. For me seeing the hearse and them carrying her out and then lowering the coffin in the ground was too much for me, it still is just thinking about it. I know everyone is different but I don't handle death very well as it is, and it was very traumatic for me.
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Old 07-19-2012, 06:40 PM
 
Location: The Jar
20,058 posts, read 18,223,186 times
Reputation: 37120
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovemaine View Post
I hope I'm posting this in the right place. Our Mom has terminal brain cancer. She is in her final days now. We have a sister who lives across the country who is not planning on attending the funeral. My other siblings are extremely upset by this. The sister who is not attending told me that she wants to mourn in her own way and doesn't believe that she HAS to come to the funeral. I tend to agree with her. Does anyone here think she is being selfish or callous for not attending? I know there will be hurt feelings from my other siblings, but I do believe that it's a very personal decision.
I have heard of many folks doing it just to keep their financial straits hidden from the family.

Send a fully paid ticket (without payback) if you wish to find out real intent.
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Old 07-19-2012, 07:20 PM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,096,407 times
Reputation: 24270
Although it killed me to adhere with hubby's final wishes, I did. I must have looked like a sad picture, Taps playing, me crying and all by myself. I made it through though and I hope he is happy (as if) that I did not go against his wishes. IDK, if I hadn't gone against my dad's wishes and held the wake (for me), IDK if I could have held out doing what hubby wanted. Hubby always threw that in my face that I didn't abide by Dad's wishes. He was adament that I not do that to him. Maybe he was protecting me. Maybe he was afraid all his former "babes" would have come and upset me! He was a batchelor until age 49.
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Old 08-03-2012, 02:26 AM
 
6 posts, read 15,988 times
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There was a lot of wierdness in my family before my mother passed. All the drama came from a sister and her dysfunctional family. She took over my mothers house and moved in her young daughter and her granddaughter. They trashed the place while mom was in a home, spent moms money, and ran up her charge card. Nothing shocking, this has always been her MO.

Needless to say, she has decided to plan extravagant funeral ( put it on moms tab) for a 96 year old woman whose friends are all dead. This was not my choice and I gave my opinion ( I am very much against embalming for environmental reasons and don't see why there needs to be a viewing. The family all saw her on her death bed. Becausenofmall her plans the funeral could not be done for over a week and a half after the death. My whole family flew across the country to be with mom on her last days. We could not afford to stay two weeks!

Now I am expected to return for the funeral. I am not religious and don't feel I need to go to a catholic burial ( my sisters faith) to say my good byes. I felt it was more important to be with her before she passed. I now feel I'm being bullied into attending. My mother is dead, she is not there ! Why can't I have this opinion?
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Old 08-03-2012, 02:48 AM
 
6 posts, read 15,988 times
Reputation: 11
Forgot to add... The rest of the siblings are fine with me not attending,mthe agree it would be nice however. They appreciated that my whole family (hubby and 4 kids) came across country to be with mom when she passed. I just don't think I have the emotional stamina to return and face all the drama ( I am currently being treated for depression). Am I really disrespecting my mother?
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Old 08-03-2012, 07:54 AM
 
Location: Not where I want to be
24,509 posts, read 24,096,407 times
Reputation: 24270
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bad kid View Post
Forgot to add... The rest of the siblings are fine with me not attending,mthe agree it would be nice however. They appreciated that my whole family (hubby and 4 kids) came across country to be with mom when she passed. I just don't think I have the emotional stamina to return and face all the drama ( I am currently being treated for depression). Am I really disrespecting my mother?
Not in my opinion, bad. You respected your mother by being wth her in her end days. That's more important than attending the funeral. If you can not afford to go, either financially or emotionally, you shoudn't let your sister bully you into going. What do your kids and hubby think of all this?
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:04 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
19,480 posts, read 24,971,935 times
Reputation: 51106
Quote:
Originally Posted by tamiznluv View Post
Not in my opinion, bad. You respected your mother by being wth her in her end days. That's more important than attending the funeral. If you can not afford to go, either financially or emotionally, you shoudn't let your sister bully you into going. What do your kids and hubby think of all this?
I am sorry for your loss. I agree that it was much more important to be with your mother while she was alive. Do what feels right for you.
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Old 08-03-2012, 08:45 AM
 
18,325 posts, read 18,911,027 times
Reputation: 15631
as long as you are comfortable and will not second guess your choice in the future your thinking is spot on.
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