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Old 07-05-2012, 08:42 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
Reputation: 18819

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Ok, just as long as I know you are okay, tn. I was getting worried. Best of luck with selling the old house and moving into the new. Sounds like you have a great bunch of neighbors. A little move will make a big difference.
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Old 07-20-2012, 03:16 PM
 
4,380 posts, read 3,430,051 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by profgent1 View Post
Bereavement and grief typically last 3-6 months. Depression, if bereavement is not completed, often follows. People need help with it if it lasts longer than that. People can get on to more meaningful experiences after the death of a loved one, however it comes. I've lost my mother and father and there isn't a day I don't think of either one. I know they see how well I'm doing, but I would have liked to celebrate a bit more of my success with them before they went. They laid the foundation for my being where I am. I work in gratitude of their sacrifices.
I lost my father when I was 30 and my husband when I was 34. The grieving process is completely different. One was my parent; the other was my life. You don't just bounce back from that profound of a loss.

Grief from losing a spouse lasts 3-6 months on a Lifetime movie perhaps, but not in reality. 3-6 months is about when the shock wears off and reality sets in.

OP: I did it one day at a time. Went to bereavement group and when I found I couldn't relate to those who'd been married longer than I'd been alive, I started my own group to seek out the support of others in my age and life experience range. I was also put in touch with a therapist who, unfortunately, had also been widowed young so she had the clinical knowledge and practical experience.
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Old 07-20-2012, 05:24 PM
 
Location: Tulsa, OK
2,444 posts, read 2,231,205 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74 View Post
I lost my father when I was 30 and my husband when I was 34. The grieving process is completely different. One was my parent; the other was my life. You don't just bounce back from that profound of a loss.

Grief from losing a spouse lasts 3-6 months on a Lifetime movie perhaps, but not in reality. 3-6 months is about when the shock wears off and reality sets in.

OP: I did it one day at a time. Went to bereavement group and when I found I couldn't relate to those who'd been married longer than I'd been alive, I started my own group to seek out the support of others in my age and life experience range. I was also put in touch with a therapist who, unfortunately, had also been widowed young so she had the clinical knowledge and practical experience.
I agree with you completely. My husband was killed right before our 11th anniversary. I still have times when its bad....usually our anniversary, and the date of his death. Everyone is different, as is evey circumstance.
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Old 07-21-2012, 01:45 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,742,826 times
Reputation: 7078
Quote:
Originally Posted by NWGirl74 View Post
I lost my father when I was 30 and my husband when I was 34. The grieving process is completely different. One was my parent; the other was my life. You don't just bounce back from that profound of a loss.

Grief from losing a spouse lasts 3-6 months on a Lifetime movie perhaps, but not in reality. 3-6 months is about when the shock wears off and reality sets in.

OP: I did it one day at a time. Went to bereavement group and when I found I couldn't relate to those who'd been married longer than I'd been alive, I started my own group to seek out the support of others in my age and life experience range. I was also put in touch with a therapist who, unfortunately, had also been widowed young so she had the clinical knowledge and practical experience.
I also agree. There is no timetable for grief, and it is different when it's a parent as opposed to a spouse or loved partner. I think, on some level, we all know we'll lose our parents someday, and we often see them go through the grief of losing one or the other, but we don't expect to lose our spouses until we're in the autumn of our lives. So, when they die young, or young-ish, we're usually stunned, even when they die slowly. We just don't think we'll go through life without them.

As long as you move forward, even if it's two steps forward and one step backward, you're making progress, and the speed of that progress is fully up to you and what you feel is comfortable. It's different and personal for each person. Even so, there will be times a song, a memory, a fragrance, a sound, or a stranger who looks like your loved one, can trigger grief feelings again, and the tears come flooding back.

Take your time, make your grief yours, don't worry about stages or timelines, just move with what feels right to you.
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:20 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,258 times
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Hi.. I come across this message board and have read many of your stories and I'm sorry! I lost my wife Georgiana on May 20th 2012 from ovarian cancer. She was only 33 years old and so young. We were together for 11 years and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with... I'm so sad all of the time. I've put off seeing councillors because I don't thing they will tell me anything that I don't already know. Any suggestions on ways to cope would be greatly appeciated. Thank you!
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Old 01-02-2013, 09:36 AM
 
Location: SWFL
21,438 posts, read 18,155,050 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cj32579 View Post
Hi.. I come across this message board and have read many of your stories and I'm sorry! I lost my wife Georgiana on May 20th 2012 from ovarian cancer. She was only 33 years old and so young. We were together for 11 years and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with... I'm so sad all of the time. I've put off seeing councillors because I don't thing they will tell me anything that I don't already know. Any suggestions on ways to cope would be greatly appeciated. Thank you!
I'm terribly sorry for your loss, Cj, and such a young age. My first suggestion would be to read all the other threads because we have given mountains of advice to/for each other. Read them and then any more questions you may have. Sorry, I just don't like repeating myself over and over too many times about things we have already discussed. Again, I'm sorry for your lose. Stay strong.
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Old 01-02-2013, 02:56 PM
 
Location: Chapel Hill, N.C.
36,434 posts, read 41,645,868 times
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my condolences as well. You will find City Data so valuable not only in your grief but for all sorts of issues and subjects. Welcome.
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Old 01-02-2013, 03:46 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,525 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cj32579 View Post
Hi.. I come across this message board and have read many of your stories and I'm sorry! I lost my wife Georgiana on May 20th 2012 from ovarian cancer. She was only 33 years old and so young. We were together for 11 years and this is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with... I'm so sad all of the time. I've put off seeing councillors because I don't thing they will tell me anything that I don't already know. Any suggestions on ways to cope would be greatly appeciated. Thank you!
Hello Cj. I am so sorry for your loss. I lost my husband of 32 years on 4-1-12. So I feel your pain.

My health insurance offers counseling, but it requires a great distance to travel to receive it. Other than my Pastor, my counseling has been right here... through this forum.

We have all been where you are right now. Many of us are still there. You have come to the right place to get understanding and support to deal with your grief. We are non-judgmental and really do care. I agree with tami, read as many of the posts as you can. There is a wealth of information and insights here that deal with all stages of grief. I don't know where I would be today without this forum. I truly mean that. This forum is my "other family."

Please take the time to read the posts, check in with us often (everyday is ok) and let us know how you are doing. Ask questions, opinions and just post your thoughts. You would be surprised at how something that may seem silly to you has already been experienced by many others. I find comfort in that. I also find it helpful to put my feelings in writing. It helps to "get it out of me."

God bless,
tngirl
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Old 01-02-2013, 04:18 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,638,204 times
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Default I am so sorry for your loss

Quote:
Originally Posted by jertheber View Post
I was married for 33 years, my Wife died two months after my retirement, making the adjustment to single life has been the most lasting aspect of my grief. Before she died she said, "I'm glad I'm going first", it seemed odd but now I know she had put more thought into the possibility of being alone if I had died first.

I knew her better than anyone in my life, I had spent more of my life with her than anyone before her, and I'll never have a longer lasting relationship again. I learned that the grieving is in direct proportion to the time spent together, we don't spend much with our parents, seventeen years or so, same for siblings, but thirty years is a very long time to live with another person.

My father died, and I've known many friend's that have died, but the death of my Wife affected me so deeply that I found it hard to descibe to friend's and family, my Mother could relate and some others who have lost a spouse knew how I felt, it's one spirit crushing experience.

When your spouse is dying you are with them twenty four hours a day, taking care of their needs, trying to determine when they will die and how much they might suffer in those final days, you are spinning out to the edges of your sanity trying to maintain your composure for their sake. In the end you come home to an empty house and all those reminders of the one you loved for so long.

It's been two years this January that I've been alone, some days are better than others but overall I know now that I'll never be the same person I was before her death. Yes, I look the same and to most people that know me I probably seem to be doing fine, but, inside my head I'll always have those snapshots, it's like picking your favorite scenes from a movie you liked, you know the script, the scenery, and most of all, the sound of those voices. I miss my wife everyday, Christmas is coming and I'm gripping my hands together trying not to think too much about the past, in the meantime I fight the loneliness, I wake up at two and sometimes four in the morning thinking that most of what I had worked for all my life was nothing in comparison to the deep friendship I'm missing now.

I'm sixty four now and life seems to have lost it's flavor, they say single men don't live as long as married men and I think I know the reason. There is nothing that can take the place of a loving Woman in your life. I smile when reading the posts here on CD in the relationship section, some of the singles just don't get it, you can't order up a mate like you would a plate of food, you meet someone and you BUILD a relationship based on mutual needs, love takes it's time. There is nothing my Wife wanted more for me than for me to meet another Woman who would love me as she did, she had said so in her last days, so I'll dry my tears and go out to that cold cruel world looking for a warm heart to connect with.
You describing your feelings were like describing mine. I cried when I read your post. I hope you find that warm heart to connect with when you are open to it.
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Old 01-03-2013, 02:25 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,868,214 times
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Smiling pretty, I feel the same as you regarding jertheber. Forty-three years for me and Bob. We literally grew up together. We would know what the other was thinking, pick up to call just as he was calling me. He could be up to his elbows at work, but he would always find time for me. I took care of him for six months and was with him when he took his last breath. I am trying to remember the good time, and we had many, but so many flashes of him in the hospital bed set up in our room go thru my mind. I know I could never find someone to take his place, and I really don't want to.

It is after Christmas now and I have taken down all the decorations which was painful in itself. He was so good about helping and very organized in putting things away. I sort of haphazardly put the boxes in the storage room...not at all ike he would do.
Chrismas kept me very busy with our kids and grandkids, but now I see the days and nights looming ahead and am scared to face all that on my own. I felt with the new year, suddenly I would feel better, but today the feeling of overwhelment is within me. I am starting the GriefShare class next thursday and have high hopes. I don't want to be disappointed in what I find there. I just don't know what to expect.
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