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Old 01-13-2013, 08:23 PM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,096 posts, read 3,386,997 times
Reputation: 8646

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Quote:
Originally Posted by JefferyT View Post
Is there anyone here who's husband, wife, or life partner died, whether unexpectedly or after a longer illness, and you had to deal with this loss?

I'm curious on how you all coped with this. I know it's different for everyone but I am interested in your alls stories.

Thanks in advance!
DH, ten years today. For the first several years I could not hardly believe that he was gone and would agree with my sister-in-law when she would comment, "I still can't believe he's gone" and then one day, out of the blue...I did not agree with her.

I said, "No, it's real, he is gone and I am making the best of it, under the circumstances". I still had teenagers to raise and college to plan and think about for them...reality sets in pretty quickly when one becomes responsible for all the decisione which will affect your children's lives. I say this without any bitterness, fear, or regret...it is what it is and it was what it was.

I did the very best I could to keep a roof over my children's heads, mortgage, taxes and utilities paid, clothes on their backs, food to eat, and private school education (not the best area to send the last one to H.S.) and you know what...I did it. I worked two jobs and sometimes a third part time job and I felt very blessed that I had those opportunities just when I needed them the most. They were a wonderful Godsend for me as well as my youngest daughter, she was practically raised where I had my first full time job and they were very good to her, allowing her to work on the weekends and holidays to earn extra money for school books and clothes.

Do I still miss my husband? Almost every day...but it's not nearly as bad as it was and I am in a good place now mentally and spiritually. Time goes on and this is the life I have been given and I try very hard to make the best of each day. I laugh and I have good memories, what else could I ask for?

Best wishes to all who have or will travel this road as well, believe me when I say it does get better. It doesn't change the fact that our loved one is gone but we can and we do survive it...it's all about attitude.

Best regards, sincerely

HomeIsWhere...
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Old 01-13-2013, 09:07 PM
 
1,627 posts, read 2,636,462 times
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Thank you for Sharing HomeIsWhere,

Since I never had children and I see working mother's and balancing work with raising children, all the responsibilities, I think to myself I could never have done that but you did many years it sounds on your own, having to work 2 to 3 jobs. I commend you.

My husband passed away six months ago, and many people told me it gets better and I looked at them like to say, "yea,right!!" Now, my grief is not so intense, so not debilitating. I am awakening, and starting to smell the roses, as they say. It is a process that is for sure.
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Old 01-14-2013, 01:32 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
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Most definitely, be good to yourself. You deserve it! Say hi to him for me, too!
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Old 01-14-2013, 05:31 AM
 
Location: East of the Mississippi and South of Bluegrass
4,096 posts, read 3,386,997 times
Reputation: 8646
Default Thank you...

Quote:
Originally Posted by smilinpretty View Post
Thank you for Sharing HomeIsWhere,

Since I never had children and I see working mother's and balancing work with raising children, all the responsibilities, I think to myself I could never have done that but you did many years it sounds on your own, having to work 2 to 3 jobs. I commend you.

My husband passed away six months ago, and many people told me it gets better and I looked at them like to say, "yea,right!!" Now, my grief is not so intense, so not debilitating. I am awakening, and starting to smell the roses, as they say. It is a process that is for sure.
Smilinpretty and I sincerely apologize for making it appear as if I did not have help along the way, for I certainly did. My in-laws helped in so many ways it would be impossible to numerate, my neighbors kept an eye out for the children with their various hours of coming and going between schools and jobs, my own family pitched in wherever and whenever they could, helping with fundraisers so my children could go to summer camps and selling candy to raise money towards school tuition. My friends providing transportation to schools when I was working or otherwise unavailable, the list of generosities go on and on and on.

I have been very, very blessed and they all deserve so much credit as I don't believe it would have been possible to get through it all without everyone filling in the gaps...and sometimes there were some large gaps. Have I mentioned the kindness of new acquaintances as well as complete strangers? Never underestimate the power of family, friends, and community for they are a blessing in disguise.

Best regards, sincerely

HomeIsWhere...
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Old 01-14-2013, 06:19 AM
 
13,773 posts, read 32,995,672 times
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Great post Homeiswhere. It will be 10 years in Feb for me. I agree.. I do still miss him but I don't dwell on being alone and am happy with my life. I date some but honestly there has been no one that made me feel the way I did about him. Not that he was perfect but it is more in how he treated me.

The great thing about this forum is that we have so many people in different stages of grief and we can all help each other to go forward.
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Old 01-20-2013, 06:25 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,865,811 times
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Keeper, It has only been four months for me. My husband was far from perfect, but like your husband, he treated me so wonderfully. Sometimes I feel I didn't deserve it. If I said I liked something, I usually got it...within reason of course. If I asked him to do something for me, I didn't have to ask twice. Even if he was very busy at work, he would call or he would take my call. I miss that connection.

Today I was sort of feeling sorry for myself. The weather warmed up here and I got out and did some trimming in the yard. That is when I do my thinking. Weekends are difficult because all my friends have husbands. I am hoping thru the grief group I am going to, that I will find a woman who is looking for a friend also. Just a night out to the movies would be nice.
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Old 01-20-2013, 07:18 PM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jude1948 View Post
Keeper, It has only been four months for me. My husband was far from perfect, but like your husband, he treated me so wonderfully. Sometimes I feel I didn't deserve it. If I said I liked something, I usually got it...within reason of course. If I asked him to do something for me, I didn't have to ask twice. Even if he was very busy at work, he would call or he would take my call. I miss that connection.

Today I was sort of feeling sorry for myself. The weather warmed up here and I got out and did some trimming in the yard. That is when I do my thinking. Weekends are difficult because all my friends have husbands. I am hoping thru the grief group I am going to, that I will find a woman who is looking for a friend also. Just a night out to the movies would be nice.
Hi Jude......I wish we lived closer, I love to go to the movies. Something my husband never liked to do. I have been recently with a friend and it was great! I plan to go more often, even if by myself.

I know what you mean about all your friends having husbands. I am still so aware of all the couples I see when I go somewhere. It's like I'm the only single person (which I know is silly). But it still hurts.

Hope you can connect with someone and make a good friend to do things with.

tngirl
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Old 01-20-2013, 08:50 PM
 
1,050 posts, read 2,865,811 times
Reputation: 1172
Thanks, tngirl. Ya know I used to live in Tennessee. Back in the early to mid 80's. I am assuming tn means Tenn. I have just been watching some country music videos. Brings back a lot of memories. Bob did not like country and he was very stuborn about it. Made me mad sometimes...LOL
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Old 01-21-2013, 01:15 AM
 
Location: 900 miles from my home in 80814
4,669 posts, read 6,737,637 times
Reputation: 7078
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jude1948 View Post
Keeper, It has only been four months for me. My husband was far from perfect, but like your husband, he treated me so wonderfully. Sometimes I feel I didn't deserve it. If I said I liked something, I usually got it...within reason of course. If I asked him to do something for me, I didn't have to ask twice. Even if he was very busy at work, he would call or he would take my call. I miss that connection.
I could have written this. This is exactly what my husband was like, and his name was Bob, also. I was so lucky to have him. I sometimes feel guilty because I don't feel like I did as much for him as he did for me. He was completely unselfish, and I'm afraid I was selfish at times. I miss the connection, too.
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Old 01-21-2013, 07:02 AM
 
Location: Olympia, WA
363 posts, read 405,210 times
Reputation: 699
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jude1948 View Post
Thanks, tngirl. Ya know I used to live in Tennessee. Back in the early to mid 80's. I am assuming tn means Tenn. I have just been watching some country music videos. Brings back a lot of memories. Bob did not like country and he was very stuborn about it. Made me mad sometimes...LOL
Yes, Jude, tn is for Tennessee. Where did you live back in the 80's? I'm in a small town about 90 miles SE of Nashville. This was to be our retirement place to land. Jim was a truckdriver, and of all the places we ever went, we said TN was the prettiest, also considering the cost of living, weather, taxes, etc. The place has grown on me and I cannot imagine leaving. Jim is buried in the Veterans National Cemetary in Chattanooga and that is where my cremated remains will be buried, as well.....in the same plot as his.

Although yesterday I had a deep yearning to be closer to my family up in WA state. I even went online to look at jobs, housing, etc. I've lived there before.....but the thought of a major, cross-country move all by myself.....just confused the issue more. I feel more at home in Tennessee than I ever have before.

And I've always said, "If it ain't country, it ain't music!!"

tngirl
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