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Old 12-14-2009, 05:13 AM
 
25,947 posts, read 25,878,738 times
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I Want To Say
by Lisa M. Tate

I want to shout ' I miss you so' yet knowing I'm too late
So much time has already passed but one thing remains
The thought of you brings warmth to me and that will never change
We all make mistakes in life, Lord knows I've made a few
Please know that doesn't change the fact I truly cared for you
The love we shared may have been brief, and now it's just our past
But the impact that you have left on me will forever last
No matter where we go from here, no matter where we've been
What I miss most of all, is not my lover, it is my brother, my friend
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:48 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,198,868 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by lovesMountains View Post
I cannot imagine how exhausted and wrung out you must feel! Please take a little down time for yourself soon and get some rest when you can.
That would be the smart thing to do. What do I do? Hit the Sake, and now I'm hung over while waiting for public works to come this morning.

Quote:
I hope it gives you some comfort to know Mark is in a place now where nothing else can ever hurt him again.
What I experienced last monday morning was so far from peaceful as I understand peace. It was dark, raw, and vast. I breathed in his last breaths and it was bloody.

Again, death is dirty and I no longer view it as separate from life, but a part of a continuum. My brother while dying was not my brother while living, but it was him just the same. And my brother dead, again, was another special part of him. I always thought I would be afraid of holding a dead body. That wasn't the case at all. It was a part of him I never knew; so precious. I'm sure that may sound crazy to some.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Twinkle Toes View Post
Braunwyn, I am so sorry to hear this. I too lost a brother in a motorcycle accident and miss him terribly. I will keep you and your family in my prayers.
I'm sorry. I hear you, sister.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Thursday007 View Post
I Want To Say
by Lisa M. Tate

I want to shout ' I miss you so' yet knowing I'm too late
So much time has already passed but one thing remains
The thought of you brings warmth to me and that will never change
We all make mistakes in life, Lord knows I've made a few
Please know that doesn't change the fact I truly cared for you
The love we shared may have been brief, and now it's just our past
But the impact that you have left on me will forever last
No matter where we go from here, no matter where we've been
What I miss most of all, is not my lover, it is my brother, my friend
That's beautiful. Thank you.
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Old 12-14-2009, 06:49 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,198,868 times
Reputation: 13392

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F5W3RhkI2SU

And it came to me then
That every plan is a tiny prayer to Father Time
As I stared at my shoes in the ICU
That reeked of **** and 409
And I rationed my breaths as I said to myself
That I'd already taken too much today
As each descending peak on the LCD
Took you a little farther away from me
Away from me

Amongst the vending machines and year-old magazines
In a place where we only say goodbye
It stung like a violent wind that our memories depend
On a faulty camera in our minds
But I knew that you were a truth
I would rather lose than to have never lain beside at all
And I looked around at all the eyes on the ground
As the TV entertained itself

'Cause there's no comfort in the waiting room
Just nervous paces bracing for bad news
Then the nurse comes around and everyone lifts their head
But I'm thinking of what Sarah said
That love is watching someone die

So who's going to watch you die
So who's going to watch you die
So who's going to watch you die
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:49 AM
 
Location: SW MO
23,605 posts, read 30,334,400 times
Reputation: 28965
Quote:
Originally Posted by Braunwyn View Post
What I experienced last monday morning was so far from peaceful as I understand peace. It was dark, raw, and vast. I breathed in his last breaths and it was bloody.

Again, death is dirty and I no longer view it as separate from life, but a part of a continuum. My brother while dying was not my brother while living, but it was him just the same. And my brother dead, again, was another special part of him. I always thought I would be afraid of holding a dead body. That wasn't the case at all. It was a part of him I never knew; so precious. I'm sure that may sound crazy to some.
Brauwyn, your loss is a great one but what may have been the opposite of peaceful for you was likely very peaceful for Mark. He knew you were there. He could not just feel your arms around him but your love as well. You made sure he was as pain-free as possible and you eased him out of this life as a loving, protective sister should.

Well done, Braunwyn. Even in your grief you showed uncommon strength.
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:52 AM
 
Location: The Hall of Justice
25,907 posts, read 34,981,619 times
Reputation: 42369
Braunwyn, I'm so very sorry.

Edited: I posted this before I had read all the responses. What you wrote about "dark, raw and vast" was very poignant. I am listening to the song you posted and thinking of seeing my grandfather before he died. It's been a few years since tears have fallen from my eyes. I frequently tear up, but I don't think I have wept since his funeral and felt that terrible gripping in my chest. I weep now for you and Mark. I know I am just some stranger on the Internet, but thank you for giving me that catharsis.

Last edited by JustJulia; 12-14-2009 at 08:05 AM..
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Old 12-14-2009, 07:52 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
21,465 posts, read 22,706,474 times
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My sincere condolences to you and your family, Braunwyn.
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Old 12-14-2009, 08:02 AM
 
19,081 posts, read 21,198,868 times
Reputation: 13392
Quote:
Originally Posted by Curmudgeon View Post
Brauwyn, your loss is a great one but what may have been the opposite of peaceful for you was likely very peaceful for Mark.
I've considered that as well. And I always thought it would be that way for him. He was such a fighter in life, tho, and his heart was beating strong for hours. It was trying to hang on. I had them turn the monitors back on to watch his levels. It was only when his O2 was critically low that he began having problems. His body was fighting. With his one eye open staring out, vocal groans from time to time, and pushing the air in/out. His last breath wasn't soft.

Who knows, tho. It's all via my interpretation.

Quote:
He knew you were there. He could not just feel your arms around him but your love as well. You made sure he was as pain-free as possible and you eased him out of this life as a loving, protective sister should.

Well done, Braunwyn. Even in your grief you showed uncommon strength.
Thanks.
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Old 12-14-2009, 08:17 AM
 
23,906 posts, read 31,137,585 times
Reputation: 28539
I am so very sorry Braunwyn, I had missed this thread and just saw a comment about it elsewhere from Mr. Chow.

My sincerest condolences to you and your family. May the warm memories of your brother comfort you and bring you peace.
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Old 12-14-2009, 08:40 AM
 
Location: My Private Island
4,941 posts, read 7,086,670 times
Reputation: 12250
Braunwyn,

I am so sorry to hear about Mark. It is surreal to go through what you have but I know it all to well. I too lost my brother 3 years ago today. He was killed at the age of 31. It is never easy to lose a loved one so tragically. I pray for you to find the strength to get you and your family through the upcoming days.

(((((Hugs))))))

Seeniorita
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Old 12-14-2009, 09:15 AM
 
3,219 posts, read 5,653,788 times
Reputation: 1839
Braunwyn - My condolences on the loss of your twin brother.

I encourage you to draw on your strength and the strength of your spouse and family to get through this time of sorrow.

Wherever he is he's probably now pain-free and smiling down on you and yours.



Take good care,

njguy
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