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About 14 month ago my girlfriend lost her husband of 20 yrs. I have let her know with several call & emails that I was here for her. The other day her sister came to see me . Seems shes been bar hopping several months. Her familly is very conserned cause she is Diabetic & has Heart problems. & when shes not at bars getting drunk. Shes home crying. We all know that she needs to get help & believe me the familly has tried. Now they want me to try to get her to go....Frankly I dont know how to approch the subject or what to say. Any ideas would be appreciated......thanks.
Do you know if your friend had alcohol issues before her husband's death? Is this an ongoing pattern? It sounds to me like she is an alcoholic and she's using alcohol to try to drown out the pain she is in with her husband's death, yet her method of dealing with it is self-destructive. Having been involved in a staged intervention for a friend of mine who was an alcoholic and abusing prescription drugs, it ended up being successful (though I will admit she was extremely resentful for a period of time.)
Here's a website that describes how to stage an intervention and the most important thing seems to be to be sure to have professional help beforehand: How To Stage a Family Intervention. If I were you, I'd discuss this with your friend's sister. Her health is being compromised by the drinking and she needs help to deal with the grief she is feeling. Grief is totally normal, but she is dealing with it in a destructive and totally non-productive way. It's only making things worse for her in the long run.
I sincerely hope you and your friend's family are able to help her find her way out.
One more thing: I don't know if she's an alcoholic or not or if it's just continuing depression over the death of her husband. An intervention can also be done to get somebody into counseling when they are resistant to do it on their own. Some people are just too afraid to face the reality of their situation. Best of luck.
This was a woman that never touched a drop of booze in her life. Right now her sister is at a loss as to how to get her to go. Believe me she has tried.
stage an intervention with all of her closest friends and family members....make it positive and give her an ultimatum.....tough love is the best cure.
This is NOT about getting her to Stop Drinking... ITS about getting her to GRIEF Counseling! IF you have any ideas to get her there then please tell me.
You cant heal yourself when you are hurting yourself with a drinking problem.
STep one: get sober
AA gives you coping skills that branch out to help you in all areas of your life.
Plus at night she could go there for company and crying and stay sober while doing it.
She may make some great friends too so she is not so lonely.
i agree that your friend needs a bereavement counselor. I recently lost my father and it didn't make me drink , but it made me eat big time and I gained 20 lbs and it's taken time to gain control and accept it. She is most likely feeling like her world has come to an end and is feeling very alone and cannot accept he is no longer here. Find a bereavement counselor in your area; a regular psychologist would not be able to do the same job
One suggestion I have is to try to find some recommendations of someone or somewhere she could go. Get the name and number for her and make it as easy as possible for her.
Just assure her that you love her and you realize how tough this situation is. Since my husband & I lost our son 7 years ago, we have worked a little in ministering to other people who are bereaved. Recently we taught a grief recovery class and in preparation, I asked some widows on another forum what especially helped them. One thing that some widows have told me that particularly helped them was seeing a grief counselor. You might relay that to her.
It's sometimes difficult to get anyone to do anything they don't really want to do themselves, but you can, as I said, make it easy for her and hopefully, she will follow through if she some advantage to it.
Hope it works out~My best wishes & saying a prayer for your friend~
kk
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