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Old 06-12-2007, 09:58 AM
Location: USA
1,895 posts, read 4,048,286 times
Reputation: 1990


Even things like seeing an older man shopping at the grocery store would bring tears to my eyes.
That tears me up, too..........
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Old 06-12-2007, 05:27 PM
Location: Journey's End
10,189 posts, read 24,499,289 times
Reputation: 3826
I found that not grieving is often what stopped me from coping with the death of a parent, or any intimate. When my father died, one of my siblings called me at my office to tell me and I went back to work. One of the more sensitive and caring administrative staff members came into my office and said, "Don't you want to leave." I was so stunned, I probably would have just gone on with my workload.

It didn't get better, and I'd say it took me more than 10 years to really understand that my father was gone. Like you, I didn't attend a funeral; my father was cremated and lived more than 3000 miles away, and I think that only added to the disassociation.

Years later when I found his last gift to me in the palm of my hand--I wept like a baby. It was a flood-gate but an enormous catharsis.

So, if you can, give yourself permission to grieve in any way you feel comfortable and even in ways that may at first seem uncomfortable and unfamiliar. My advice!
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Old 06-13-2007, 05:14 PM
Location: AHOSKIE
18 posts, read 39,035 times
Reputation: 17
trust me, i know how you feel, i lost grandpa in 96, my stepfather in 2000, my kids dad died in 2004, everyday i think of them all and miss them dearly but my kids dad was my world even though we were ex, when he passed and each day to me feels like the first day i got the knews he was dead, i miss him, think of him all the time, worry and the whole nine but i deal with it by facing the fact head on that i will never see him again but i have memories that will last the rest of my life and thoae memories keeps me insane.....good luck and sorry for your lost
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Old 06-13-2007, 05:49 PM
47 posts, read 328,109 times
Reputation: 73
I am very sorry for your loss and I hope its a comfort for you to know that it is a part of life that we all must go through, firstly its good to speak about such things as one can really harbour such feelings and feel quite isolated, the fact that you have made a post and have such a positive feedback from all the nice people here, i hope that this will lift your spirits, you must be feeling a bit down and I hope that the following note can help you put some perspective and help you come to terms and start to feel better.

I can speak objectively because my mothers mother died at the begining of 2004 after a 1.5 year cancer illness at 84 years of age, and I have to say that only of late is my mother coping better, I sat there and saw just about everything she went through from nursing her and then coming to terms with her loss, and then being a happy person again.

In fact where she grew up ..my mother, all my grandmothers sisters and brothers have all passed on, they were such a big part of her life, before my grandmother died, and she was the last elderly relative to do so on my mothers side. My mother said she had a dream and saw all her relatives all stood in a line smiling at her, there is this wonderful picture on my mums mantel piece at home of them all in their prime.

My mum was dreadfully upset because where she grew up she left the area as a young woman met my dad and had her own family, however after her mothers death all her childhood memories and all her family passed away finally it seemed to me like a rug had been pulled from from under her feet as that was where she grew up, my mother was so delighted always to go back home to her mums, pop around the shops and see all the areas that she grew up in and spend time with her mum, its I suppose like a security blanket. After she sold her mothers home and had to wrap everything up and get all her affairs in order after her death, it really felt like such a finality, so I can understand how you feel about loosing someone that cared about you and how that can really make you feel less secure. I can still see my mothers face looking back out of the car window leaving the town that she grew up in knowing that everything that used to be there isnt anymore.

My mum has her own family now obviously and that is her focus. She has a lot of cherished memories and absolutley wonderful photos. Over time you may start to feel better and try to think about celebrating the times you had together. I am sure that your grandmother is watching over you now making sure that lots of nice things happen for you. I know that mine is doing just that very same thing.

Cheer up theres so much going on in life.....make sure you eat right and excercise, dont let work or feeling down take control of you... good luck.

doctor doctor I have got a mince pie stuck on my bottom,,,,

the doctor says mmmm well I have got some cream for that.....

come on cheer up and I hope that you will feel better, just a humour to cheer you up.
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Old 06-13-2007, 06:05 PM
Location: Mayberry
31,612 posts, read 12,734,317 times
Reputation: 68410
Mooseketeer, I am so sorry for your loss. My Mother died 1 month ago tomorrow. It feels like it happened today. It was unexpected and I am having a very difficult time. I cry a lot. She was my best friend. I fel lost, lonely, depressed and in the afternoons I am so irritable, angry, depressed and panicked. I have been going to work early and leaving early just because the afternoons are so hard. I have to cry and cry, it helps really. I have found many letters she wrote about her pain and her love and everything. I talked to my Dad after work today and I could tell it was not a good day for him either. I think we are still in shock. There is occassional humor and I have tried to get some of my personality back at work, but mostly I just want to work and get the hell out of there. I will write about her eventually and do a memory book, but it is too soon.

Hang in there and greive however you can, wherever you can and whenever you feel like it. There is no right or wrong and I don't care what people think about how I am feeling.

God bless you!!
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Old 06-13-2007, 09:56 PM
Location: NJ/SC
4,286 posts, read 13,139,424 times
Reputation: 2580
Mooseketeer, I'm sorry for your loss and agree with the person that said you just learn to cope. My story is almost exactly the same...my grandparents raised me for the most part and I had a very disfunctional family. I was everything to my grandmother and everyone knew it. She passed away several years ago and not a day goes by I don't think about her and she's frequently in my dreams. She also had a strong personality with many of the same traits as yours. It's really hard and I still cry if I allow myself to think too much about her and how much I miss her. My grandfather just passed away in January and it's been really hard. My SO has been there for me and that's helped a lot. As time goes on you will start to feel better but if you have depression you have to work harder not to let yourself get too far in that hole. I've been in that hole and it's really hard to get out. I'm sure your grandmother wants you to have a happy life, so do it for her. Good luck to you.
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Old 06-14-2007, 07:58 AM
13,773 posts, read 33,072,676 times
Reputation: 10524
Sorry for your loss.. When my husband died unexpectedly I found a place on the web where I could go and share my sorrow with others who were grieving. There is a moderator on the site to make sure everyone stays on the up and up. You can go to either the general chat room or the one that fits your loss. It is a free site and helped me a lot deal with my loss.
The site is groww.com. Hope this helps you
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Old 06-16-2007, 02:13 AM
Location: Earth
3,798 posts, read 6,036,211 times
Reputation: 2521
Moose so sorry for your loss. I was not able to read the responses so if I repeat what has been said forgive me. There are some grief meetings that you can attend, it's like a support group, where you can go and talk. I also light a candle and let it burn the entire day that my father was killed. It's a very calm reminder for me and I can feel his presence. Take care.
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Old 06-16-2007, 05:23 AM
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,556,353 times
Reputation: 19858
Thank you so much to you all, it really helps to talk and to hear all your experiences and memories. I am still unable to grieve, it's really strange , just as if it was a bad dream. I am just coping and getting on with things but I suspect it will "hit" me properly at some unexpected time. I am so sorry for all your losses of loved ones too. My main source of comfort is that she did not suffer and was happy until the end and I do try very hard to remember that. It's funny how easier it is to talk to you about this than people I "know". I feel somehow a lot more open about my emotions, I guess that's a good thing too. Maybe the internet does have some good points after all ( being a complete technophobe I tend to find modern technology irritating most of the time and I often feels it separates people rather than bringing them together but this forum does help). Once again all your kind words really do help and it is very much appreciated.
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Old 06-21-2007, 11:44 AM
Location: seacoast
12 posts, read 49,900 times
Reputation: 24
Hi Mooseketeer,
I know you have gotten a lot of replys so far and I am just another person to say how very sorry i am to hear about your loss. I really feel for you though. What you said in your orginal post felt like I should have written it. I recently lost my father to liver cancer/hep C. He was sick the last two year with cancer and had a transplant a little over a year ago but the liver started to fail and the cancer came back and he was to weak to sustain another transplant. Unfortunatley he and I were never super close, communication issues, stubborness on both our parts, but no matter what I was still daddy's little girl and still feel that way. What I miss the most is his laughter and his smell, the warm inviting smell he always had. Other then my boyfriend he was the one constant support I had. I too feel like part of me is gone. I love running and have been running for a few years now and it has always been a dream of mine to run a marathon. I recently ran my first 10k and it was a very surreal feeling, I didnt feel that sence of accomplishment that I usually do when I run, because he wasnt there to share in the joy. But I realize that he is in a better place and that he is still looking down on me and knows what I am doing and would be proud. That is how I am getting through this tough time. It will get better. I hope for the best for you, take care
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