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Old 06-21-2007, 12:57 PM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,537,274 times
Reputation: 19858

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Quote:
Originally Posted by WR30NH View Post
Hi Mooseketeer,
I know you have gotten a lot of replys so far and I am just another person to say how very sorry i am to hear about your loss. I really feel for you though. What you said in your orginal post felt like I should have written it. I recently lost my father to liver cancer/hep C. He was sick the last two year with cancer and had a transplant a little over a year ago but the liver started to fail and the cancer came back and he was to weak to sustain another transplant. Unfortunatley he and I were never super close, communication issues, stubborness on both our parts, but no matter what I was still daddy's little girl and still feel that way. What I miss the most is his laughter and his smell, the warm inviting smell he always had. Other then my boyfriend he was the one constant support I had. I too feel like part of me is gone. I love running and have been running for a few years now and it has always been a dream of mine to run a marathon. I recently ran my first 10k and it was a very surreal feeling, I didnt feel that sence of accomplishment that I usually do when I run, because he wasnt there to share in the joy. But I realize that he is in a better place and that he is still looking down on me and knows what I am doing and would be proud. That is how I am getting through this tough time. It will get better. I hope for the best for you, take care
I am so sorry for you but it sounds as though you have managed to remain very positive and I really admire that. Thank you for your kind words and thoughts.
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Old 06-28-2007, 10:25 AM
 
1 posts, read 3,344 times
Reputation: 17
Default I feel for you

My dad died unexpectedly at age 65 on May 1. I was 30 at the time and had my first birthday without him on June 3. Not a day has passed that I haven't gotten teary eyed or felt this wave come over me. I am married with one child. Papa was Audrey's special pal. They were so close. My daughter is 2 1/2. I feel terrible for my mother. My brother was here for everything but lives a few hours away. I feel weak and vulnerable. My dad was always my go-to on so many things. My husband and I will be buying a house and my dad would be such a plethora of ideas and tips. Sometimes is does not even seem like it is possible it happened. Uggh. I am a teacher and off for the summer. Kinda supposed to be a good thing but also so much time to think!
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Old 06-29-2007, 06:43 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,537,274 times
Reputation: 19858
Quote:
Originally Posted by jelschro View Post
My dad died unexpectedly at age 65 on May 1. I was 30 at the time and had my first birthday without him on June 3. Not a day has passed that I haven't gotten teary eyed or felt this wave come over me. I am married with one child. Papa was Audrey's special pal. They were so close. My daughter is 2 1/2. I feel terrible for my mother. My brother was here for everything but lives a few hours away. I feel weak and vulnerable. My dad was always my go-to on so many things. My husband and I will be buying a house and my dad would be such a plethora of ideas and tips. Sometimes is does not even seem like it is possible it happened. Uggh. I am a teacher and off for the summer. Kinda supposed to be a good thing but also so much time to think!

I am so sorry and I hope the pain will ease a bit soon for you and all your family.
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Old 06-29-2007, 11:51 PM
 
Location: N.Y.C.
658 posts, read 2,187,934 times
Reputation: 215
mooseketter - sorry about ur loss
theres no real way to cope you just have to move on and remember all the great times you had with the person it does get better
my mom died when i was 12 i was the only person with her when it happend and for a while i thought if there was something that i had done maybe she would still be here but as time when on it didnt hurt as much i still think about her evryday its been 11 years and as much as i miss her as if it was yesterday time gos on
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Old 06-30-2007, 12:14 AM
 
Location: San Diego
46 posts, read 130,013 times
Reputation: 20
Dear Moose

so many wonderful words and thoughts have been sent your way by all who have responded to your post and those who just read it and could not respond.

I found a book that really help with the grieving process and hm found it this year about 23 years after my mom passed. It is called Tear Soup. It is about $19. and so worth it. Even after all this time I still miss and grieve for my loved ones.

In short lost my marriage, a few months later, my mom; six weeks later my memorable precious grandfather; 11 months later; the best gramma in my world (except for ME - I learned from the pro); then my dad two years later and his mom 10 days later; then my best friend about 5 years after that. Point is for me: I call them my committee and when times are tough or fabulous (celebrating the birth of my Anna (granddaughter) I tell them the whole story or say to them; isn't this the best thing ever. In so many ways they have been with me throughout the years and helped me in their silent patient ways. I will throw out a problem to the committee and I sear I wake up in the morning and I have an answer.

One time when very terrified of so many things, depressed and sad, I swear I saw a vision of my dad reading in the extra bedroom just the way he had read in the living room my whole life and it always made me feel so safe and comforted to see the light from the living room and know he was there. Every night for awhile I whispered good night when I hit the top of the stairs, then one night I said I am ok, thank you and I love you and I didn't feel the need for him to be there so close.
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Old 06-30-2007, 12:19 AM
 
Location: San Diego
46 posts, read 130,013 times
Reputation: 20
I talk a lot too.

Anyway, right now you are in what I call the black hole. IT WILL PASS I promise you. Eat right, sleep regularly, allow others to listen, hug and help you. And someday you will turn around help someone else through this transition time.

Your Gramma sounds like a wonderful person. You sound like you must be a lot like her. Carry her with you, honor her in your life and she WILL know how much you love her and her love will continue to guide you and be with you. It is just so damn hard in the beginning while climbing out of the hole. See your doctor, take meds if they think you need it, Get into some grief counseling when you are ready. You need time to HEAL. And it takes time. you will never stop missing her or loving her but the hurt changes.

If you need to talk please pm me. I will keep you in my thoughts
Patty
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Old 06-30-2007, 09:50 AM
 
Location: Oxford, England
13,036 posts, read 21,537,274 times
Reputation: 19858
Quote:
Originally Posted by pj.poway View Post
I talk a lot too.

Anyway, right now you are in what I call the black hole. IT WILL PASS I promise you. Eat right, sleep regularly, allow others to listen, hug and help you. And someday you will turn around help someone else through this transition time.

Your Gramma sounds like a wonderful person. You sound like you must be a lot like her. Carry her with you, honor her in your life and she WILL know how much you love her and her love will continue to guide you and be with you. It is just so damn hard in the beginning while climbing out of the hole. See your doctor, take meds if they think you need it, Get into some grief counseling when you are ready. You need time to HEAL. And it takes time. you will never stop missing her or loving her but the hurt changes.

If you need to talk please pm me. I will keep you in my thoughts
Patty
Thank you so much. Everyone has been so lovely and kind and helpful. It helps. A lot.
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Old 03-04-2008, 03:23 AM
 
14 posts, read 70,028 times
Reputation: 16
Default I Miss My Dad So Much!

I lost my father on February 29th, 2008 due to a long illness from diabetes. He fought for two (2) years to overcome the horrible complications, but could not beat it. I prepared myself, and my son when his kidneys failed. It has not been a week yet, and I am going crazy. I have slept for a total of four hours in two days, and see him every time I close my eyes. I became obsessed with wondering if he would die alone after he was taken off of dialysis. His lungs became full of fluid, and he could no longer swallow. I prayed for God to take him home so he would not suffer, however I asked that he please not let him pass away with nobody there. My sister-in-law, and my niece went to the nursing home to see him on 2/29/08 about 12:30 pm. They spent time with him until around 1:10 pm. He passed on at 1:15 pm, exactly 5 minutes after they left. I am waiting for God to explain the timing to me, because I don't understand. I was blessed to be able to prepare for this, but my grief is taking over completely. My father was a great man, who worked hard for his family everyday. He did not drink, smoke, or cheat on my mother. He did however have his heart broken. My younger brother ended up in a bad marriage, which led to divorce. Shortly after that, he began taking drugs. My dad was dealing with the death of my mother who passed away on 2/23/98. She was the love of his life, and he never got a chance to grieve. My brother ended up lying about the drugs, and moving in with my dad in 1999. He stole money, cars, and broke his heart. My father also had his own business, and my brother broke in and stole business checks. He also ran up credit cards, and did drugs in his office at night. I am certain that the stress from all of this, caused his diabetes spiral out of control. My dad ended up having a nervous breakdown, and not taking care of himself like he should have. Despite my pleas to kick my brother out, he let him stay. He enabled his addiction, and said that despite everything he was his child. My dad woke up to go to work one morning, and there was no car in the driveway. My brother stole it for drugs, and my father became seriously ill after that. He did not file a restraining order against him until he became physically abusive. We have not seen my brother since then, which marks three years in June 2008. It's 3:14 am, and I have no intention of going to sleep. Everytime I close my eyes, I see my dad. He was such a good father, and loving grandfather. All of the neighborhood kids loved him, and always helped him. He was 75 years old, but looked 10 years younger. He wanted to live, but God had other plans. It's comforting for me to know that he is resting in paradise. He is with my mother, and no longer has to suffer. He has left seven grandchildren behind who love him, and miss him desperately. He was my best friend, and teacher. There was never a day that he was not repsonsible. He did make mistakes, but he always set a good example. I am 34 years old with a husband, and son. They are there for me, and we are holding on together. His funeral is Saturday at 10am, and I am scared that I am going to lose it. Celebrating his life is what I plan to do, but for now...the tears are flowing.
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Old 03-04-2008, 06:30 AM
 
Location: Back in NYS
2,489 posts, read 7,277,685 times
Reputation: 2104
aminah - I'm sorry for your loss and the pain you are feeling. My dad died Sept. 29, 2003. Unlike you, I was able to be with my dad at his death, which did help me.

However, when my grandmother died, she was living with one of her sons and his wife. The wife was with her, feeding her breakfast. My grandmother asked her to get her something to drink, my aunt was out of the room for maybe 3 minutes - when she returned, my grandmother had died.

Sometimes I think those who are dying know "it's time" and don't want anyone with them....why, I don't know, but I think that was the case with my grandmother and it may have been the case with your father and you may never know the reason why.

Your father sounds like he was a very caring man. Let the tears come, they will help you to move on, they are part of the grieving process. If you "lose it" at the funeral, so be it. Some people are able to "mask" their feelings, others aren't. Cry for as long and as often as you need to. Celebrating his life is a wonderful thing to do - right now, the "wound" is too fresh and you need the tears. With time, you will be able to think of him and smile. There may be times you will "feel" him still with you....I periodically will "feel" my dad with me - and it's very comforting.

Again, don't worry about "losing it" at the funeral - the funeral will be the day to "officially" say good-bye to your dad - there will be people around you and you can all reminisce about your dad - that will also be therapeutic and will help you to heal.

Best wishes............
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Old 03-04-2008, 08:47 AM
 
116 posts, read 403,579 times
Reputation: 49
I am so sorry to hear this. You will be okay, I am sure. My dad died a year ago, my only parent. A year later it is still hard,but I don't cry everyday and now except I can't change things.
There is a website I like called dailystrength.org ...I met quite a few people going through the same things and it really helped. I also truly believe your Grandmother is watching over you.
PS-Last year was a blur for me...but in the end you will be okay.

Last edited by missannie; 03-04-2008 at 08:50 AM.. Reason: Change spelling
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