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Old 03-12-2008, 05:34 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roxors View Post
We've had the worst month ever, here. My wife lost her mother on Feb. 7. My father passed away unexpectedly on Feb. 24, my wife's grandmother (other side) on the 25th, and to top it all off, we had to put our dog down last week, again very unexpectedly.

It's hard to have faith at times like this. My father had gone in the hospital for surgery a couple weeks earlier, relatively simple surgery, but then developed complications and an infection. We are at the point of going crazy, right now. We can't take much more.
Sometimes our faith is simply a path we follow to navigate through our most challenging times. Hopefully your faith will provide you with perspective and ultimately help you get through this difficult period.
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Old 03-13-2008, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Utah
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I try to imagine what my mom would say if I'm having a bad day, or I'm overly emotional about something. I try to let her guide me through the situation so that I can miss her, but not be totally numb. She died over 20 years ago, but I still feel she helps me in my day to day life.

Going to a cemetery to visit a bird poop covered chunk of granite does not help me to remember my mom. I like to play her favorite song, watch her favorite movie, eat a dish she taught me to prepare, look at photo albums, etc. I live off the memories I shared with her and try to focus on those rather than on the pain/grief of the moment. Easier said than done sometimes.
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Old 03-13-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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To the OP,, sorry for your loss. It does not get easier....lately I have been thinking of my parents. My father's anniversary is coming up and my mother's birthday is coming up so I am feeling very emotional lately; both have passed away.
Now that I am a parent I wish:
My parents could have met my kids like they met my siblings' kids;I hope your parents met your kids.
I had talked more to my own parents;
I had the guidance I hear that my friends get from their parents;

So perhaps I have grown from their loss; I have more regrets about my parents and wish to be a better parent to my own kids.
For those who still have your parents, talk to them about when you were little, what silly things you did; hug them so you can remember how it feels; see if they can write you a note you can always treasure when they are gone.
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Old 03-13-2008, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Tucson
42,837 posts, read 77,111,830 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by eggalegga View Post
I try to imagine what my mom would say if I'm having a bad day, or I'm overly emotional about something. I try to let her guide me through the situation so that I can miss her, but not be totally numb. She died over 20 years ago, but I still feel she helps me in my day to day life.
You know, ever since my parents passed away I have this feeling I'm being watched... It's strange. When they were alive I wouldn't give a second thought to something I was doing I knew they'd disapprove of, but now feel kinda hesitant... Had also mixed feelings about moving from the last place I lived that my Mom had visited even though it was supposed to be a happy move at the time (ex-husband and I had just bought a house together). She lived overseas and when she was here she said it was nice to know where exactly I live, what my daily routine is, so she can picture it...

Something odd happened this year on Mom's birthday, too. It used to be a sad day for me, but this year the day was amazing! I just felt so light that day and felt her presence... as if a guardian angel was with me. Everything was going right - from various business dealings that are normally never fun to traffic, parking, you name it... It was like somebody was clearing the path in front of me... Very nice feeling!
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Old 03-14-2008, 05:31 AM
 
Location: NJ
9,173 posts, read 20,201,974 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by roxors View Post
We've had the worst month ever, here. My wife lost her mother on Feb. 7. My father passed away unexpectedly on Feb. 24, my wife's grandmother (other side) on the 25th, and to top it all off, we had to put our dog down last week, again very unexpectedly.

It's hard to have faith at times like this. My father had gone in the hospital for surgery a couple weeks earlier, relatively simple surgery, but then developed complications and an infection. We are at the point of going crazy, right now. We can't take much more.

I'm sorry you've had to go through this, I know it is not easy. You are not alone. This is how our heck started:

Neighbor passes from breast cancer - my daughter was good friends with her daughter
My ex-BIL died as the result of alcohol
his wife, my ex's sister died at 41 due to being over weight (she's my daughters god mother)
My dad went in for prostate biopsy & never really recovered, little did we know he had leukemia
dad dies, my FIL is diagnosed with a rare cancer (only 32 cases) a few days later, he then died 6 weeks after my dad.
Neighbor passes away from cancer
13 year old girl in my daughters classes dies from complications of asthma
hubby has an accident at work - lives thankfully
MIL gets breast cancer - she should be fine but it was almost 2 years to the day of her husband getting sick.

This is all within a little over 2 years. My poor young daughter has had to deal with so much. I've never really lost anyone, and losing my dad was hard & still is. The only thing that's gotten me through it is that my daughter has had so much loss at such a young age (under 14) I never really had time to focus on myself. It was even harder due to family issues.

I know my dad is with me still. There are days when I can feel him with me.

I don't know why life has to be like this. None of us should ever have to lose people so close apart.
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Old 06-11-2008, 02:15 AM
 
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Default My papa passed away too

I can empathize with what you have gone through. I too lost my papa on January 11, 2008; I have marked that as the worst day of my life, as now nothing worst than that can happen! Papa was so young, he was just 56. He met with an accident and was in the hospital in pain for 28 days. He was on ventilator, and could not speak a word for 28 days till he died. Papa was my life, he was a reason for me to smile. Papa was the best dada in this whole world. I can claim this for sure....as we were his life. He was a very honest person, who loved his family and work. He never ever harmed or cheated anyone. He had no wrong habits. Ever since, papa has gone, I have been praying to God to give him back to us. Without papa, life is emmpty and has no meaning at all. I have two younger brothers, who are still studying. Papa is needed so much.

There is one guilt, for which I can never forgive myself. The night when papa was dying, I was extremely saddened, what woke me up, was the news that papa is no more. what hurts me is that how could I get sleep in my eyes...when papa was taking his last breath...i should have been awake praying for a miracle. Not that I slept peacefully, but I did doze off on the hospital chair. I hate myself for this! Papa will never forgive me. I want god to punish me for this; may be he is already doing that, by taking my angel papa away from me.

I wish that I could talk to my papa. Hold his beautiful hand. Tell him that he is so special.

I wish God could do a miracle and give papa back, or take me to my papa very soon.

Papa, I just want to tell you, that no one can love me like you have. without you, I am all alone. Ma, Amit and Sumit need you, including myself. No smile is complete without you! wish you were still with us, laughing, cracking jokes, cooking......so much to share with you!!
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Old 06-11-2008, 03:59 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh--Home of the 6 time Super Bowl Champions!
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I'm reading through all these posts and I feel for everyone that has lost a parent. Today is my Mom's birthday. She passed away on Jan. 20th, 2008. I have to go to her grave to plant flowers today and it is KILLING me. I couldn't bring myself to go on Mother's day. So today will be the first time at her grave since she died. I can't stop crying. I miss her laughter so much.

I've been through tragic situations before and I know that my heart will heal, but today I can't see past that. I just need to rely on God's strength to get me through today.
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Old 06-11-2008, 05:43 AM
 
Location: Right here, see??
1,401 posts, read 3,374,418 times
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Eight years ago, my mom passed. That was the worst day of my life. I'd like to say it gets easier, and some times it does seem so, but it never really goes away. Not a day passes that I don't think of mom, and something she'd say (particularly on the current presidential race!), or how she would do certain things every day without fail, or the stories she'd tell of when she was a girl.

Those, are my treasures. Along with all the photos, the curio, and grandmother clock she left me.....I like to remember the stories behind the knick knacks in the curio....they never fail to bring a smile, but then a tear, because remembering the story is one thing, HEARING her tell it is another, and I'd give anything ANYTHING, to hear her voice.

Never, ever take the ones in your life for granted. Time is the ultimate thief. He sneaks up on your when you least expect it, and changes everything.
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Old 06-11-2008, 07:53 AM
 
Location: Whoville....
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mooseketeer View Post
I just returned from Holiday last week to find out that my Grand-Mother had passed away. Due to having had an extremely dysfunctional family , She was like a mother to me ( I am estranged from both my parents) and though our relationship had been difficult for the last 3 or 4 years I am completely lost and still feeling rather numb. It feels very surreal and I haven't managed a proper good cry yet. I feel as though my entire childhood has been snatched from me as She was the only member of my family worthy of the name.
I do feel intensely lonely and vulnerable and yet life carries on... My partner has been immensely supportive but I still don't quite know how to grieve for her. I will not attend her funeral service for personal reasons but my partner and I will be having our own remembrance little ceremony together and will have afternoon tea in her honour ( She was an utter cake fiend!) and I will also be planting something she would have loved in our garden ( Pink and Purple of course, her favourite colours).
If any of you have sadly gone through this kind of loss, how did you cope, did it take a while to hit you ? I still dream of my Grand-Pa and he died over 7 years ago !
They were both such a huge part of my life and saw me through some rough patches , always on my side. I can only take consolation in the fact that She did not suffer and died happy where She was knowing She was loved and that She had a good life but still I do feel like a ship without compass. She was infuriating, opiniated and annoying but also funny, clever, generous and kind and I loved Her to bits and I want to hold on to all my good memories but I do feel as though I have lost something really precious and my port in a storm.
If you have any advice i would be really grateful. I feel sad and yet empty if it makes any sense. Suffering from Chronic Depression makes it even harder and everything is like a black cloud at the moment. I am trying really hard to remain stoic, "stiff upper lip" and all that but it is so hard.
I lost my mom when I was 22, my grandma when I was 26 , my dad when I was 35 and my step dad last year. So I'll start with a great big hug. I've been there.

The bad news is, nothing will ever fill the void. Don't try. In time, the raw edges of the hole become smoother and don't hurt as much (right now it's like a shot gun blast for you - Raw edges with dangling nerves that can be set off by nothing and everything). In time, you will start to focus on what you had and being thankful for having it. Coming from a dysfunctional family (I do too), we know that you only grieve those who meant something to you and how easy it would have been to have had no one.

One thing I wish I had done is started a journal after my mom died. During that first year, you will go through the year of events. People get that the holidays are hard but they don't realize that there's also that first Monday after your loss, the first time you go to church, the first trip to the grocery store. Everything becomes the first whatever since you lost them.

If you're like me, you'll find your mind going back to events long forgotten during that year. This is what I wish I'd kept a journal on. Simple things would trigger trips down memory lane. I wish I'd written that down.

While this is hard, you are really numb right now. It will take time before the full impact of the loss hits you and you can expect to end up on the floor crying when it does. Cry all you need to, try to remember that grieving someone means you were lucky enough to have someone in your life worth greiving and give it time. Keep a journal to record all the memories that come back to you this upcomming year so you don't lose them to time.

God Bless.
Ivory.
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Old 06-11-2008, 07:57 AM
 
Location: Catonsville, MD
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My dad died 17 years ago at the age of 65 from a brain aneurysm. Most people die immediately, but he survived for 28 days in the ICU with a ventilator. Then he had a second aneurysm that would have been immediately lethal had he not already been in the ICU. He survived for another 10 days after that one, though he was in a coma. Surviving all that time was both good and bad. We had time to get used to the idea that he might die, but we also we given hope that he may live. However, because he did live a little while, we were able to say all the things to him that you would want to tell somebody who is going to die, and we had said those things while he was still conscious. I am thankful for that. It made me realize that we should not wait until somebody is dying in the hospital to tell them how much they mean to you.

I took me years to recover from his death, but as the years have passed, it has gotten easier. No less painful, but easier. The first year was the hardest, particularly all the holidays and special days. I would wish that I could just pick up the phone and call him. I can still hear his voice and see the twinkle in his eye.

Though I am not religious, I do believe that in the afterlife, we do meet up with all of our loved ones, including our pets. I have not had anybody really close to me die since him, but many pets have. It brings me some comfort to think of him with my beloved pets (though in life, he really wasn't fond of cats.) And when I go to the polls and cast my vote, I can practically see him casting a scornful eye (we never saw eye to eye in politics,) but smiling at the same time. All these things are my way of coping. While I know he's not alive, I like to keep his spirit alive in this way.
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