Why do some women refuse to color their hair? (clothing, hair style, makeup)

[anifani821]

Okay - here is the thing. If you have pretty salt and pepper hair and you don't want to color it - not my business. Same for women who are lucky enuff that they have beautiful white hair.

But my mother, who has dark hair that started getting gray in her 40s, has refused to color her hair - and has looked horrible for decades b/c it got gray in spots - and her dark hair remained dark - so it is this patchy looking mess. And now that she is in her late 70s, it is darker around her face and so white on the top it makes her look bald on the top.

She goes to the hairdresser every week but she has always had this opinion that people who color their hair are somehow one step below harlots, even tho every person her age colors their hair as do all three of her daughters.

Her b/day was last week and we were all just shaking our heads, as her pictures look awful - yet she makes sure she puts on makeup, dresses nicely and even wears jewelry every day.

My sisters and I gave up saying a word to her about it - encouraging her to do something about it - 20 some years ago - b/c she would get furious about it and say she was NOT "one of those women" - and when we reminded her that we are her daughters and we color our hair - she just got madder and said she wanted to let her hair get white like her mothers was. Well, her hair is NOTHING like her mother's hair was. She was totally white headed by her 60s and she did not get "patches" of white like our mother.

Do some people just not see reality when they look in the mirror????? We feel so sorry for our mother b/c she looks bald in spots and she would look so much nicer if she would just use a light brown on her hair. SIGH.

Just wanted to know if any of you have a clue why someone would be so unrealistic about hair color when so particular about the rest of her appearance????

[missncr]

Maybe she is just so used to having it look that way after all these years. Some people are afraid of change. IMO people are most protective and sensitive about their hair. It's like a security blanket for them. My mom is the same way. She has been bleaching her hair ever since I can remember. It's all one color. And it looks awful. I have suggested to her that she should try going for a darker base color and then have some blonde highlights. I told her if she didn't like it she could always bleach it back to how it is now. But she thinks that since men are still looking at her, she must look good. But just because someone looks at you it doesn't mean they think you look good.

[LaceyEx]

I agree-maybe when some of us look in the mirror we don't see what others see-we see ourselves as we "were".

I do 2 tone highlights - in warmer weather with some blond, winter some red.

I'm probably close to the age your Mom is but believe me I like to look good at all times-would never dream of stepping out w/o makeup, etc.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by missncr

Maybe she is just so used to having it look that way after all these years. Some people are afraid of change. IMO people are most protective and sensitive about their hair. It's like a security blanket for them. My mom is the same way. She has been bleaching her hair ever since I can remember. It's all one color. And it looks awful. I have suggested to her that she should try going for a darker base color and then have some blonde highlights. I told her if she didn't like it she could always bleach it back to how it is now. But she thinks that since men are still looking at her, she must look good. But just because someone looks at you it doesn't mean they think you look good.

HEE HEE - I enjoyed your post and you make me feel a little less frustrated. You would not believe how many people over the years have asked me why my mom does not do something about her hair! And they were not being mean spirited - they were just genuinely perplexed - as it drags her down so badly. She has aged very well as far as her skin. What is so sad - they attend a lot of public functions and she thinks she is sooooo well put together. I am sure people are staring at her trying to figure out why she has bald spots - and it even looks like that in pictures. Why she cant see this for herself - I don't know!

Very interesting - your comment about your mother thinking the men are noticing her - as my mother likes to say she looks so much better than other women her age - and she is quite arrogant about it!!!! And we are all just shaking our heads. Our dad would give anything for her to color her hair - at least something to even out the "spots" but she went into such a rage about 30 years ago over the subject . . . that when asked about it - he just says - "she should do what makes her happy." And none of us will dare broach the subject b/c we have seen her get so angry about it - and she stays mad for weeks, LOL. Just amazing that she can't see herself as others see her. The only word for how she looks is "dowdy" - no matter how nice the clothing and jewelry - she just looks out of place w/ that hair.

[LaceyEx]

Maybe an Oprah makeover surprise is in the future! LOL

[notjustamom]

I guess if she's happy with it, I'd let her be.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by LaceyEx

I agree-maybe when some of us look in the mirror we don't see what others see-we see ourselves as we "were".

I do 2 tone highlights - in warmer weather with some blond, winter some red.

I'm probably close to the age your Mom is but believe me I like to look good at all times-would never dream of stepping out w/o makeup, etc.

You and I do the same type thing! Red hair in winter - blonde streaks in the red in summer - will be adding some next month!

It breaks my heart to see my mom looking so dowdy when she has beautiful jewelry and clothing and the hair is such a turn off. It screams out - provincial. She wonders why she has no female friends. I think people just write her off b/c she looks so out of step w/ the rest of the world. Plus her hair style is right out of the 50s - Mamie Eisnehower (sort of, LOL).

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by LaceyEx

Maybe an Oprah makeover surprise is in the future! LOL

I wish. Years ago I tried a make over and she got angry. SIGH. She is not a warm fuzzy person to start with. She is not the type of person who has ever done "mother-daughter" things - not one to go shopping w/ her daughters, for example. She has her opinions on everything under the sun and is very critical of how other people look - wh/ makes it all the more strange how immune she seems to be about how she looks.

[anifani821]

Originally Posted by notjustamom

I guess if she's happy with it, I'd let her be.

Well, that's the thing. She complains about her hair dressers all the time and switches frequently. There is only so much a stylist can do b/c she insists on an old haircut from the 50s and a perm and her hair is thinning - and everyone tells her - coloring would add some body and texture - so she gets mad and goes to another stylist. But she complains about her hair in the sense of it being something her stylist is not doing right, LOL.

We have given up. I thought seeing herself in some pictures would help. It is actually embarrassing b/c she seems to think she has it all put together and she always looks so - unfinished - if that makes sense.

[LaceyEx]

Anifani-are we sisters????????????? You described my mother-attitude wise- to a tee.