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Old 06-14-2012, 04:14 AM
 
Location: Hawai'i
1,392 posts, read 3,043,974 times
Reputation: 711

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Quote:
Originally Posted by CyberCity View Post
Yes, learning is good (I comment on that myself, "life experience" and "growing up").

But usually there are more gentle ways to learn than dragging oneself through an extended doomed relationship, which is what I was referring to.
Oh, I know what you were referring to and I've been there and got the t-shirt. Still...I would not be who I am today otherwise, nor would my spouse who has also been through that. In fact, he and I would not have the enormous appreciation, respect and love we have for one another had we not suffered so much in previous marriages. I would even venture to say that we treat one another much better than we have treated previous spouses (spice? lol) because of it, so, it was worth it. You are correct, it is not a recommended life journey, but still, you can use it to positively build on who you are.

Quote:
Originally Posted by whtviper1 View Post
Someone sent me a comment - and said "Cool thread, but what does it have to do with Hawaii?" Thought I'd clarify.

Where I was originally going with this was - if you could move to Hawaii in your 20's and it is something you don't do - would you really regret it the rest of your life. Several posters have suggested that in many other threads and it got me thinking - really??? Rest of your life?

My thought process - ah, maybe have some regrets a week or two - a month or two - but moving to Hawaii (or not moving) didn't seem like something worth regretting the rest of your life - especially in your 20's.

I kind of put things to regret the rest of your life like prison, not having closure with an estranged family member who dies, having a child at 16, etc
Well, since I did the things I dreamed of, I'll never know if I would have regretted not doing them. I imagine that I would have regretted it, though. A few of my dreams were much later in life than I planned for them to happen but I never lost sight of the goal and continued to work toward those goals to achieve them. The most recent of those life dreams? I had decided, at about age 21, to "retire early and move to the Caribbean". Although I never had a goal age in mind, I always thought it would be in my late 40s. Although I had to wait until I was 55 to be able to afford to "retire early and move to the Caribbean" had I not done it oh yes indeed, I would have regretted it very, very much.

Luckily (or smartly?) I've avoided those horrid things mentioned in your last paragraph. I didn't think that was where you wanted the thread to head.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CyberCity View Post
Lots of people get older and imagine that they've missed something [when what they actually missed is just their "dream" of something .... like living in Hawaii on the beach and surviving on coconuts and fish]. Those of us who make decisions to go forward with what we want, well, I'd surmise that we are less apt to be sitting around in later years with regrets of what we didn't do.

Oh, and this is not to say that folks shouldn't move to Hawaii if they want to, and if they do their homework first. Singles = easy street. In debt already = hard. Kids to educate = harder. But with planning, go for it. Enjoy life! [But forget thinking you can live free on a beach with a free food source.]
I started to write that thinking you could live free on the beach is incredibly stupid...then I remembered that my spouse did just that some 34 years ago, swam off a boat he was working on to this island, slept in a hammock in the rainforest, and lived off coconuts and fish he caught. Yes, he really did, and yes, it does seem crazy. He was about 19 or 20 at the time. He got back to working on boats a few months later, busted his butt working his way up the ladder, and ended up building himself an incredibly successful career....the career he was recruited to move to Hawai'i to continue.

NO I am NOT recommending this for ANYONE else!!! But oddly enough I actually know someone this worked out for!
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:18 PM
 
1,730 posts, read 3,799,772 times
Reputation: 1215
Quote:
Originally Posted by DebbyDiver View Post
... then I remembered that my spouse did just that some 34 years ago ....NO I am NOT recommending this for ANYONE else!!! But oddly enough I actually know someone this worked out for!
Yeah, 34 years ago ... around then I did a bit of living on the beach in Waianae. You'd not find me thinking that was such a good idea now though!!
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Old 06-14-2012, 07:48 PM
 
Location: East Coast of the United States
27,427 posts, read 28,498,647 times
Reputation: 24953
I don't regret anything from my 20s. I hated being single and not having enough money.

Thank god those years are long gone.
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Old 06-15-2012, 06:41 AM
 
Location: Dublin, Ohio
406 posts, read 863,288 times
Reputation: 386
Quote:
Originally Posted by alex7777 View Post
Mickey -- my father is 73, and he started learning to fly this year. It's never too late.
That's great! I'm not giving up, just trying to convince SWMBO to go along with it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Oleg Bach

Quote:
Originally Posted by alex7777
Mickey -- my father is 73, and he started learning to fly this year. It's never too late.

That's great- if your health is good- goo for it- and forget the expense- what are you going to do with your last few dollars before you die anyway? Give to a bunch of little pricks who will party for a week and say what a great guy your were? The thing about an older body is that your hand eye co-ordination is better- your reflexes are more sure - more accurate and just as quick as at 30 - probably quicker- plus you are wise and do not take risks....Fly- - you know when it is to late- when you are dead- that's late and they will call you the LATE MR. SO AND SO.
Well, I still have to get together the "last few dollars" to pay for flying lessons. I hope my hand eye co-ordination and reflexes are still good enough. Don't worry about us giving anything to the "kids", SWMBO says not only NO but HELL, NO!

Mickey
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Old 06-15-2012, 07:11 AM
 
Location: Hawai'i
1,392 posts, read 3,043,974 times
Reputation: 711
Quote:
Originally Posted by CyberCity View Post
You'd not find me thinking that was such a good idea now though!!
Amen, bruthah!
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Old 06-15-2012, 09:35 AM
 
198 posts, read 385,818 times
Reputation: 396
You cannot have a regret if: you made a choice using all the best information and options available to you at the time, but then it turns out later to be unfavorable.

You can have a regret if you made a choice without using all the best information and options avaialble to you and then it turns out unfavorable.

I think what WHTviper1 is going for is: people who want to move to Hawaii and do so on a whim or in spite of the some advice given on this forum, have no one to blame but themselves when it goes all wrong.

I say do not regret doing something you spent a great deal of time, planning and research on and it goes wrong becuase you made the best choice for you at the time.
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:17 AM
 
236 posts, read 647,246 times
Reputation: 154
Quote:
Originally Posted by MickeyE View Post
That's great! I'm not giving up, just trying to convince SWMBO to go along with it.

Well, I still have to get together the "last few dollars" to pay for flying lessons. I hope my hand eye co-ordination and reflexes are still good enough. Don't worry about us giving anything to the "kids", SWMBO says not only NO but HELL, NO!

Mickey

Just grow some nads! What can she ultimately do? Just let her splurge on herself as well in some specific area. (Unless she's bringing in all the money, in which case you're limited.)
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Old 06-16-2012, 06:22 AM
 
Location: TX
6,486 posts, read 6,371,847 times
Reputation: 2628
Quote:
Originally Posted by whtviper1 View Post
Catching up on posts tonight - just got back from Vegas and the World Series of Poker - if you play poker I recommend it.

And I see this quote in another thread "you'll spend the rest of your life wondering "what if", it was referencing someone in their 20's potentially moving to Hawaii. And it got me kind of sad - do people really "what if" the rest of their life?

And it got me thinking - do others on here really make decisions in your 20's (besides maybe things that send you to jail) that have you in your 30's, 40's, 50's - and more that have you still wondering "what if"? I'm in my 40's and my 20's are a distant past at this point - I do now what I didn't back then.

What about you? Do you "what if" your decisions from your 20's as you've gotten older?
I have some regrets, and I have some things I wonder "What if..." about. Some things in my life could've turned out better (nothing wrong with acknowledging that), and some could've turned out much worse. It's all part of life and our awareness of everything in it.

But of course, it goes both ways. If that person moves to Hawaii, they may end up wondering "What if I had stayed put?" Hard to avoid it, without being completely apathetic. I don't recommend either extreme: incapacitating regret nor total apathy.
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Old 06-16-2012, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Dublin, Ohio
406 posts, read 863,288 times
Reputation: 386
Quote:
Originally Posted by alex7777 View Post
Just grow some nads! What can she ultimately do? Just let her splurge on herself as well in some specific area. (Unless she's bringing in all the money, in which case you're limited.)
Problem is if I go against her wishes she just might take one of her >$100.00 very sharp Wusthof knives and cut off my 'nads!

We are both retired so neither brings in much money, and we, like quite a few people, are living "paycheck-to-paycheck". My wife just got her first Social Security check (she's younger than me by about 12 years), and with my SS check, my small retirement (HA!) income check and my part-time job all extras are just dreams at this point - including a move to Hawaii.

Although if her health were better, I really think we could do better in Hawaii in the right area. Smaller house, although ours is not that large, no heating bills, much lower property taxes and cut way back on electric usage or supplement with solar power and we could probably do OK.

Mickey
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Old 06-18-2012, 03:23 PM
 
Location: Portland, OR
1,082 posts, read 2,397,537 times
Reputation: 1271
I'm in my 50s now. I didn't do anything stupid in my 20s that messed up my life, but I played things a little too safely, and I regret not having had more self-confidence and not taking more chances when I was younger. But it's not a big deal: I'm happy with my life and attitude now, and I know myself well enough to know that, no matter what I'd done, I'd always wonder about the many roads not taken. That's not the same as regret; I'm just someone who has always had a lot of diverse interests but no single, overriding passion, and I would have been happy living in many different places and having many different careers.
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