Do you really regret things the rest of your life from your 20's? (sale, attorneys)

[ChickenChaser]

Originally Posted by HiloDiver

Brilliant post, ChickenChaser. Rang very true for my life.

Thank you and I'm happy to hear you lived the life

[OpenD]

Originally Posted by ChickenChaser

I would have to disagree with such an absolute statement. 20s would be the time, for example, to chase Olympic dreams and not in your 30s or 40s yet I wouldn't call Olympians foolhardy, lazy or irresponsible either.

Agreed. And I'd say the same about those who choose to volunteer their service in third world countries or inner city agencies before settling down to a more conventional path. Or who start down one path, only to discover that it's really not for them, so they reboot. Clearly anyone who advocates that there is only one right way to do life is delusional, because there is such a staggering amount of evidence to the contrary.

So far this has been discussed as a dichotomy between two polar opposites, but I'm a fan of a third approach, as presented in "The Three Boxes of Life" by Richard N Bolles. Instead of the traditional approach of having one phase of life when you get an education; followed by a second phase in which you work, work, work; followed by a final phase in which you theoretically enjoy the leisure you supposedly earned... and which you may never be able to capitalize on... you incorporate all three in your life at every step. Education can be a lifelong quest, and has enormous paybacks. Work, if it is closely aligned with your heart's desire and your temperament and talents can be nourishing and fulfilling, rather than the giant suck on your soul that so many people experience. And leisure, rather than being a carrot on a stick that we hope will someday fall within our grasp (well over 1/2 of Americans do not take all of the vacation time they are entitled to), becomes an integrated part of your life pattern.

I would venture to say that for those kinds of people, they are probably happier(and even wealthier) going that route compared to if they chose the work-now-enjoy-later plan.

Exactly my point, and as I mentioned earlier, the latest brain research shows that people who take a conservative approach to life actually process risks and opportunities with a different part of their brain than do people who are less structured in their approach. And nobody gets to choose the way their brain is wired. So there's no absolute, no single approach to life that is right, there's only whatever works for you.

[HiloDiver]

Originally Posted by OpenD

Clearly anyone who advocates that there is only one right way to do life is delusional, because there is such a staggering amount of evidence to the contrary.

Best post on City-Data in 2013.

[CyberCity]

Originally Posted by CyberCity

Not getting additional education earlier instead of later (especially as having a BS or BA has become more of a standard requirement for many positions, where it used to be just having a HS diploma or AA).

Originally Posted by OpenD

Instead of the traditional approach of having one phase of life when you get an education; followed by a second phase in which you work, work, work; followed by a final phase in which you theoretically enjoy the leisure you supposedly earned... and which you may never be able to capitalize on... you incorporate all three in your life at every step. Education can be a lifelong quest, and has enormous paybacks. Work, if it is closely aligned with your heart's desire and your temperament and talents can be nourishing and fulfilling, rather than the giant suck on your soul that so many people experience. And leisure, rather than being a carrot on a stick that we hope will someday fall within our grasp (well over 1/2 of Americans do not take all of the vacation time they are entitled to), becomes an integrated part of your life pattern.

Well said! That is where one of my few basic regrets comes in that I put off some of my additional education, while I could have done a class or two per semester as I enjoyed my other two phases (leisure and work mix).

I did handle the leisure/work mix well, though.

Some of us on C-D try to encourage an adventurous life including for those that are young adults, even if money will be tight. It is when there are children added to the equation that the phases get rearranged a bit ... suddenly there is another priority: the children's well being.

[HiloDiver]

Originally Posted by CyberCity

Some of us on C-D try to encourage an adventurous life including for those that are young adults, even if money will be tight. It is when there are children added to the equation that the phases get rearranged a bit ... suddenly there is another priority: the children's well being.

Exactly! Adventure is character-building if it doesn't harm others.

[OpenD]

Originally Posted by CyberCity

Well said! That is where one of my few basic regrets comes in that I put off some of my additional education, while I could have done a class or two per semester as I enjoyed my other two phases (leisure and work mix).

There's a lot of evidence massing that ongoing learning reduces the incidence of Alzheimers and other age related memory issues. And with so much free college course material coming online, there's no excuse for anyone anymore.

[MickeyE]

Originally Posted by OpenD

There's a lot of evidence massing that ongoing learning reduces the incidence of Alzheimers and other age related memory issues. And with so much free college course material coming online, there's no excuse for anyone anymore.

That's very true. I've seen many people who retired and didn't have a hobby, or didn't like to read etc. who in a very few years just passed away. I guess their body said if you are not interested, then neither am I and we will just give up.

Mickey

[hawaiian by heart]

I think the only regret i have from my 20s was wishing i was a better person and more kinder to ppl, when i got older and really learned cause and effect. I learned how my words can help heal ppl or hurt them. I think also another regret was my limitations. No matter how hard i would push myself or want to change, there was areas that i wasn't going to be successful in. But the older i got the more i learned that happines comes from within not outside.

[creativelytaylored]

I think everyone should have some regrets. I regret doing wrong things. I am IN my 20s. I want to move to Hawaii. BUT I do have a family. HUmmmm. I COULD wait, let my husband work until he retires, and the kids leave, then move. (course he might die before retirement) OR. We can follow our dreams now, take our children along and work, while we educate and live life a little differently than the average family. We can choose HOW we live and how we raise our children. We can choose to live with children together , not side by side, but as a family pursuing life together.

Why do the choices seem to be "Go wild while you can! Be single and move to Hawaii!" or "live conservatively and have a family and build your 401k!" Both of these seem to be acceptable to society. Pick one. But surely there are no other responsible choices. I find this a little crazy lol. Surely there are many ways to live life. People live in Hawaii and have children, people work there too. Some are in their 20s and some are older. Some are younger. I mean.. Im just guessing here. I wouldnt regret not moving to Hawaii for the rest of my life. I would make a decision to move or not to and stick with it. Even if we move and its just terrible... I still wouldnt regret it. I would just move again. I do think playing it "safe" in life is risky... what if you die? I would regret building an empire of wealth only to die and leave it all behind.

So here is a question. Are all the hard working families in Hawaii irresponsible? How about in NYC? Is Hawaii suppose to be only a "dream" for those who have "paid their dues" and earned it? Or does it all come down to material wealth. As in, you can only live your "dream" if you can afford it. Hawaii is only lovely... if you can pay for your 900k home and drive a new Jeep Liberty and afford private school for the kids and island hop on a whim. But those kids down the road... those poor public educated kids that share a bedroom in a 1200 sqft home and wear handme downs... <sigh> their parents are just irresponsible and must be miserable. I guess I find all of that very materialistic. Maybe the family down the road... the one with the loud house full of kids, the ones that cant afford private school, and drive a beater, MAYBE.. they enjoy the stars and the sunset just like you. MAYBE they enjoy living close together and dont care what brand their clothes are and MAYBE their parents are just as happy in their small rental as you are. Maybe not all of us care to build our empire. Because its dust. I think what a complete waste of time and life... to spend all your adult life working so you can "earn" the privilege of living in a desirable place. And the condescension and arrogance projected when you assume its "irresponsible" to move ANYWHERE with children ( Lots of people move, not just to Hawaii, and there are plenty of high priced places to live) or during the "working" phase of your life OR only *if you can afford it (totally subjective on HOW you live).

So Im in my twenties. I regret doing wrong (sin). I dont regret life choices. But... Im not building an empire, so what do I know.

[Rangerdude_Charlie]

I am bumping up this old thread. Have I had regrets in life, yes, of course. I have realized though that life is for the living. You have to get out there and live life. You can't wait for opportunity to come knocking on your door. Now that I am getting better about putting myself out there and living life for me, not for anyone else but me. This I believe is how one truly begins to know oneself. I also realize that I can't change the past but I can live in the moment, follow my heart and live my life for me, Charlie.