Hospital Charts (pain, thyroid, skin, blood)

[John1960]

This is of course Urban Legend............ but it's still a good giggle!! hehe


ACTUAL WRITINGS ON HOSPITAL CHARTS

1. She has no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night.

2. Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year.

3. On the second day the knee was better, and on the third day it disappeared.

4. The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also appears to be depressed.

5. The patient has been depressed since she began seeing me in 1993.

6. Discharge status: Alive but without my permission.

7. Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year old male, mentally alert but forgetful.

8. The patient refused autopsy.

9. The patient has no previous history of suicides.

10. Patient has left white blood cells at another hospital.

11. Patient's medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days.

12. Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch.

13. She is numb from her toes down.

14. While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home.

15. The skin was moist and dry.

16. Occasional, constant infrequent headaches.

17. Patient was alert and unresponsive.

18. Rectal examination revealed a normal size thyroid.

19. She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce.

20. I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy.

21. Both mammary are equal and reactive to light and accommodation.

22. Examination of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized.

23. The lab test indicated abnormal lover function.

24. The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stock broker instead.

25. Skin: somewhat pale but present.

26. The pelvic exam will be done later on the floor.

27. Patient was seen in consultation by Dr. Blank, who felt we should sit on the abdomen and I agree.

28. Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

[Lisa_from_Debary]

I used to be a unit secretary at a hospital. The biggest part of my job was to transcribe doctors orders.

You have noticed how your perscriptions are written in a sort of short hand? Well they write them that way on the patient charts as well.

I had a doctor write on an order for a medication and put
SUP PO after it.

SUP = suppository
PO = per oral

The medication to my knowledge was normally given by suppository but I was not a nurse so I asked one of the nurses before I bothered the doctor...we had a good laugh over that, so I found the doctor, made a joke out of it and asked him to correct the chart so I could order the medication from the in house pharmacy...

I asked him "you really didn't want the nurse to shove the suppository down the guys throat did you?" We had a good laugh, I made sure I didn't embarass him in front of the nurses.

Doctors can be touchy like that, you have to handle them just SO or they get testy.

[VillageLife]

I like # 19. That is funny

[DareToDream]

I'm a medical transcriptionist and here are four samples of things that have actually been dictated......

"The patient tells me he has continued to improve every day. He's still a bit weak when he tries to lift things above his head, but he can easily stick his finger in his ear and carry firewood."

"The patient was a 52-year-old smoking lady."

"The scope was withdrawn the length of the esophagus, which was normal. The patient was then terminated."

"This is a very pleasant child sitting up on the stretcher in bed with his mother who is very playful and a pleasure to play with."

[PinkString]

Those are so funny. I always enjoy reading wacky things like that.