Welcome to City-Data.com Forum!
U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 01-28-2011, 11:00 AM
 
13,236 posts, read 9,846,662 times
Reputation: 14281

Advertisements

Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
The OP has not really elaborated on the source of the pain and whether it's valid or not. I think suggesting Alanon might be a bit premature. For all we know, this person is a chronic pain person in need of pain management and sitting through a religious service is not going to cure it, at least for the person experiencing the pain.
Alanon is NOT a religious service. You are correct that she may need pain management, but if she is disrupting her life and the lives of those around her in order to do it then she has a problem, regardless.

The OP does not know how to handle the situation. Alanon could help them find a way to address it, because the people there have been in the same rough spot.

Actually, the OP would be better off going to Narcanon, which is for friends and families of drug dependent people, as opposed to Alanon, which is geared toward friends and families of alcoholics.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 01-28-2011, 11:46 AM
 
5,546 posts, read 9,974,558 times
Reputation: 2799
Quote:
Originally Posted by FinsterRufus View Post
Alanon is NOT a religious service. You are correct that she may need pain management, but if she is disrupting her life and the lives of those around her in order to do it then she has a problem, regardless.

The OP does not know how to handle the situation. Alanon could help them find a way to address it, because the people there have been in the same rough spot.

Actually, the OP would be better off going to Narcanon, which is for friends and families of drug dependent people, as opposed to Alanon, which is geared toward friends and families of alcoholics.
All these programs are based on 12 steps.

Quote:
Appeals court says requirement to attend AA unconstitutional
SAN FRANCISCO
Religious content of program violates rights, court says.

Alcoholics Anonymous, the renowned 12-step program that directs problem drinkers to seek help from a higher power, says it's not a religion and is open to nonbelievers. But it has enough religious overtones that a parolee can't be ordered to attend its meetings as a condition of staying out of prison, a federal appeals court ruled Friday.
Appeals court says requirement to attend AA unconstitutional - SFGate

I won't debate this with you as several courts have ruled that these programs are religious, and I just thought I'd share the above.

If the OP will be helped by these groups, that is fine. I, personally, do not find them helpful.

I also suggested alternatives such as SMART, Women for Sobriety and LifeRing.

Seeing a therapist is another option and I did propose other options as well.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 12:10 PM
 
13,236 posts, read 9,846,662 times
Reputation: 14281
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
All these programs are based on 12 steps.



Appeals court says requirement to attend AA unconstitutional - SFGate

I won't debate this with you as several courts have ruled that these programs are religious, and I just thought I'd share the above.

If the OP will be helped by these groups, that is fine. I, personally, do not find them helpful.

I also suggested alternatives such as SMART, Women for Sobriety and LifeRing.

Seeing a therapist is another option and I did propose other options as well.
That's all great, but in the post I quoted you said "sitting through a religious service is not going to cure it". I pointed out that an Alanon meeting is NOT a religious service. That is a fact.

Plus alanon, or more appropriately narcanon, is for the people surrounding the addict, not the addict. The OP is not the addict. In your later post you yourself said that the OP might want to go to alanon and "learn a few things." That's all I suggested as well. You don't have to be religious to get help from one of these groups, I don't care what the courts say about it.

The alternatives are worth looking into as well, but they may not be nearly as prevalent or convenient to the OP for them to seek it out.

Another place they might find help is the soberrecovery website's friends and family section.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 02:32 PM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
19,855 posts, read 65,655,279 times
Reputation: 19375
Back to topic, please.
__________________
Moderator for Utah, Salt Lake City, Diabetes, Cancer, Pets forums
http://www.city-data.com/forumtos.html

Realtors are welcome here but do see our Realtor Advice to avoid infractions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 02:55 PM
 
1,899 posts, read 3,939,481 times
Reputation: 2723
Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckinthemiddle11 View Post
My mother in-law has been addicted to painkillers for about nine years. My husband has done everything he is capable of doing for her. He has given her support but she always went back to her pills. He has been let down so many times by her. He has begged her, pleaded, cried and now he has gotten so angry that he decided to stop talking to her until she cleans herself up. I support my husband because he needs to do what is best for him. I still have contact with her but I am now the middle person. She is very angry at him (yet says she's not) and says he doesn't love her, and doesn't care about his sister (who is mentally challenged). I won't go into all the dark details but I cannot stand all of this negativity coming from her anymore. What should I do?
Its probably best to distance yourself from her. You can still keep in touch with her, but I wouldn't be around her. She will eventually hit rock bottom and decide to get help.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 03:02 PM
 
5,546 posts, read 9,974,558 times
Reputation: 2799
Quote:
Originally Posted by SouthernBelleInUtah View Post
Back to topic, please.
Sorry and of course.

I don't know what else to offer, but my first step would be to cut off the supply of the pain pills. Also, perhaps alcohol makes it easier to go get the pain pills (by this I mean lowers inhibitions to go do the wrong things, as it often does).

The point is the OP and family need to look out for their own interests in the way that best supports them. This can take many forms. Several ideas have been proposed. I have been to every kind of meeting I have mentioned and I know that every kind of meeting can shed some light on what goes on in the mind of a hooked person. And in every kind of meeting someone is welcome to just say "pass" and it's ok. Some kinds of meetings will work better for certain personality types than others.

Those who are not group oriented may do better in therapy. But first, back to groups - one type of group that has not been mentioned, and I have also gone to these groups, is codependents anonymous. Out of all the groups, I think it's the best place to start. There, one can learn some boundaries and how to detach from other people's stuff. I also favor it as a lot of times they do not talk about the 12 steps at all rather what is going on with each person's situation. Last one I went to the 12 steps did not even come up. It was a women's meeting (and I'd strongly suggest that women go to women's groups) and so it was a safe place to be.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 05:30 PM
 
Location: NJ
23,820 posts, read 33,333,344 times
Reputation: 30677
Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckinthemiddle11 View Post
She has some problem with the disc's in her back. I don't remember the exact name but she never complains about it when she is sober. And the meds for her husband and daughter are supposed to be canceled yet she still picked them up from the pharmacy "for them" and kept them for herself. She hides them all over her house. It amazes me how she gets away with everything from that to getting out of dui's.
Let me tell you how painful disk problems are. Pain killers don't offer relief. You want to shoot yourself daily due to pain. Unless someone has back problems, they have no clue how bad it can get.

IMO; she probably needs the pain meds but she should not be taking other peoples. Most states make the patient do pee tests to make sure they are only taking their own medications. If you or your husband feel she is taking others; call her doctor & ask that he tests her urine.

Next; get her to a real pain management doctor who can figure out the best medications to take her pain away or giver her some relief. She can get a pump implanted in her spine that will deliver the morphine or what ever straight to the pain.

Do you know exactly what medication she's being prescribed? Is it by the family doctor?
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 05:35 PM
 
Location: Northern NH
4,550 posts, read 11,668,485 times
Reputation: 3873
Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
Well, here is what I would do. I would call the pharmacy and ask why the pills are still be dispensed when the Rx's are supposed to have been cancelled? Then I would have them "flag" the account to dispense no more. Finally, if they continue to do so I would insist that they only be dispensed to the intended recipient (picked up by intended recipient) and that this also be noted in the computer. This will cut off that source.

As to the rest, she sounds like she's a drinker too? That is legal and there is nothing one can do about that except to detach. In that sense maybe you want to go to Alanon and learn a few things. You could always be really harsh and get her busted if she drinks and drives - up to you. I have a friend who is convinced a therapist did this to him. He left the office and was pulled over and arrested for DUI.

Bottom line, you can tell her that all of it makes you very uncomfortable and if she persists in this behavior you'll have no choice but to not see her anymore. I am not a believer in rehabs, but if she's got the money, it's another option. Or, if she ever gets desperate enough, there is always AA, although I'm not a believer in that either. If she does go to AA, make sure she stays away from the men completely as "the rooms" are often filled with men who are better stayed away from. Other choices (if you have them in your area include SMART, Women for Sobriety and LifeRing - I'd recommend any of these three).

Hope some of this helps.
The pharmacy has HIPPA rules and they can't discuss the prescriptions with other family members or cancel RX's on anything but a DR's directions.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 06:15 PM
 
Location: Ohio
15,701 posts, read 16,980,832 times
Reputation: 22089
Quote:
Originally Posted by Roselvr View Post
Let me tell you how painful disk problems are. Pain killers don't offer relief. You want to shoot yourself daily due to pain. Unless someone has back problems, they have no clue how bad it can get.

IMO; she probably needs the pain meds but she should not be taking other peoples. Most states make the patient do pee tests to make sure they are only taking their own medications. If you or your husband feel she is taking others; call her doctor & ask that he tests her urine.

Next; get her to a real pain management doctor who can figure out the best medications to take her pain away or giver her some relief. She can get a pump implanted in her spine that will deliver the morphine or what ever straight to the pain.

Do you know exactly what medication she's being prescribed? Is it by the family doctor?
The bold text above............AND..........is she taking the brunt of taking care of the mentally challenged sister? Does she ever get a chance to totally get away from her role as caregiver?

The stress of being a caregiver could greatly enhance pain........both mental pain and physical pain.

It may be worthwhile to look into some type of anti-depessants.......psychiatiric help should be looked into......she may need held dealing with stress.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 01-28-2011, 06:16 PM
 
20,948 posts, read 18,994,110 times
Reputation: 10270
Quote:
Originally Posted by stuckinthemiddle11 View Post
My mother in-law has been addicted to painkillers for about nine years. My husband has done everything he is capable of doing for her. He has given her support but she always went back to her pills. He has been let down so many times by her. He has begged her, pleaded, cried and now he has gotten so angry that he decided to stop talking to her until she cleans herself up. I support my husband because he needs to do what is best for him. I still have contact with her but I am now the middle person. She is very angry at him (yet says she's not) and says he doesn't love her, and doesn't care about his sister (who is mentally challenged). I won't go into all the dark details but I cannot stand all of this negativity coming from her anymore. What should I do?
Increase her life insurance.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:


Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness
Similar Threads

All times are GMT -6.

© 2005-2024, Advameg, Inc. · Please obey Forum Rules · Terms of Use and Privacy Policy · Bug Bounty

City-Data.com - Contact Us - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35, 36, 37 - Top