Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
My mother in-law has been addicted to painkillers for about nine years. My husband has done everything he is capable of doing for her. He has given her support but she always went back to her pills. He has been let down so many times by her. He has begged her, pleaded, cried and now he has gotten so angry that he decided to stop talking to her until she cleans herself up. I support my husband because he needs to do what is best for him. I still have contact with her but I am now the middle person. She is very angry at him (yet says she's not) and says he doesn't love her, and doesn't care about his sister (who is mentally challenged). I won't go into all the dark details but I cannot stand all of this negativity coming from her anymore. What should I do?
quite frankly your mother in law is the one who put her self in that position, granted she may need help, but can only be helped if she chooses to be helped, my advice honestly is next time you talk to her let her know that you are done being the middle man so to speak and that she needs to get over herself and get help, trust me being placed as the middle man can cause more strain on your relationship with your husband than its worth, and you would be doing nothing wrong by telling her as such, especially if there is another sibling who is mentally challenged involved (i gather that sibling still lives with your mother in law)
quite frankly your mother in law is the one who put her self in that position, granted she may need help, but can only be helped if she chooses to be helped, my advice honestly is next time you talk to her let her know that you are done being the middle man so to speak and that she needs to get over herself and get help, trust me being placed as the middle man can cause more strain on your relationship with your husband than its worth, and you would be doing nothing wrong by telling her as such, especially if there is another sibling who is mentally challenged involved (i gather that sibling still lives with your mother in law)
Just a few questions...what kind of pain does she have? Why does she have it? Does she get the pills legally? Does she "doctor shop?" Does she order online? All of these are important questions.
People build a tolerance to drugs over time and they need more and more to do the trick. Plus, Drs. are very reluctant (often) to prescribe them in the amounts to control one's pain. There are many factors to consider and many questions that need to be considered before I can offer an honest opinion.
And the reason I ask all these questions is I used to belong to a drug forum. Some were there for recreational usage. Some were there due to bonified chronic pain. Some had things like back surgery, slipped discs and were simply not receiving adequate pain relief from their Drs. Some of these real chronic pain people even risked getting caught and bought illegally just to deal with the pain. They were not recreational users, rather Drs really watch their backs these days as to how much they'll prescribe in terms of Schedule II drugs (and I believe most painkillers are either Schedule II or IIII, IOW, controlled substances).
So...the question is just what is she doing and why? Yes, she may well be addicted, but she may also deal with real chronic pain. My mother takes tramadol each day, but she only takes one (or maybe two on a bad day) and as prescribed. Doesn't mean she doesn't suffer, just means she is not the type who is going to ask for more.
Last edited by mistygrl092; 01-27-2011 at 12:16 PM..
Reason: thoughts
She is perscribed one pain med but she also takes her daughters and her husbands pain meds. She seems to take them when she feels bad about herself. Which she is also on antidepresents. She is the type of person who likes to cause problems in order to feel the satisfaction of fixing them. I think this makes her feel worthwhile. The last incident she had she had her 8 year old grandson with her and she got in a car accident. She showed no remorse that she was overdosed yet she got out of any charges. It just baffles me. That was the last straw for my husband because our nephew means the world to us. I was going to stop talking to her as well but my sister in-law (the mentally challenged one) lives with her. Why make her suffer more? I wish we could have her live with us but she has never been uprooted from what she knows. She is about 35 yrs old. Now she is starting to have problems at her school because she hears her mother saying my husband abandoned her (the mom) in her time of need. All the help she is getting is things like meetings and a contract with her doctor. She says the contract won't allow her to get the other meds because it says she is allergic to them. But she can still get them if their for other people like her husband and daughter in my eyes. She has become very angry which is why I feel like I need to step away.
She is perscribed one pain med but she also takes her daughters and her husbands pain meds. She seems to take them when she feels bad about herself. Which she is also on antidepresents. She is the type of person who likes to cause problems in order to feel the satisfaction of fixing them. I think this makes her feel worthwhile. The last incident she had she had her 8 year old grandson with her and she got in a car accident. She showed no remorse that she was overdosed yet she got out of any charges. It just baffles me. That was the last straw for my husband because our nephew means the world to us. I was going to stop talking to her as well but my sister in-law (the mentally challenged one) lives with her. Why make her suffer more? I wish we could have her live with us but she has never been uprooted from what she knows. She is about 35 yrs old. Now she is starting to have problems at her school because she hears her mother saying my husband abandoned her (the mom) in her time of need. All the help she is getting is things like meetings and a contract with her doctor. She says the contract won't allow her to get the other meds because it says she is allergic to them. But she can still get them if their for other people like her husband and daughter in my eyes. She has become very angry which is why I feel like I need to step away.
Ok, well take care of you first. I was just wondering about the other factors, which really do play a role in this whole scenario. Why is she on them in the first place? Rush Limbaugh says he had surgery and that's how he got addicted. He would not be the first.
Doesn't mean any of you have to put up with it, but it opens a way to understand things better. If she is doctor shopping or ordering online, she could face criminal charges if caught. Tell the other people to absolutely REFUSE to give her any meds and see what she does. In fact, make sure they HIDE THEM.
When anyone is dealing with addicted relatives or friends, I always recommend AlAnon. They gave such great help to a friend dealing with an alcoholic daughter. I could see the mother's transformation from an enabler and an angry parent to a strong and capable parent. She learned a lot of coping skills and what she could and could not do for her daughter.
When anyone is dealing with addicted relatives or friends, I always recommend AlAnon. They gave such great help to a friend dealing with an alcoholic daughter. I could see the mother's transformation from an enabler and an angry parent to a strong and capable parent. She learned a lot of coping skills and what she could and could not do for her daughter.
The OP has not really elaborated on the source of the pain and whether it's valid or not. I think suggesting Alanon might be a bit premature. For all we know, this person is a chronic pain person in need of pain management and sitting through a religious service is not going to cure it, at least for the person experiencing the pain.
She has some problem with the disc's in her back. I don't remember the exact name but she never complains about it when she is sober. And the meds for her husband and daughter are supposed to be canceled yet she still picked them up from the pharmacy "for them" and kept them for herself. She hides them all over her house. It amazes me how she gets away with everything from that to getting out of dui's.
Well, here is what I would do. I would call the pharmacy and ask why the pills are still be dispensed when the Rx's are supposed to have been cancelled? Then I would have them "flag" the account to dispense no more. Finally, if they continue to do so I would insist that they only be dispensed to the intended recipient (picked up by intended recipient) and that this also be noted in the computer. This will cut off that source.
As to the rest, she sounds like she's a drinker too? That is legal and there is nothing one can do about that except to detach. In that sense maybe you want to go to Alanon and learn a few things. You could always be really harsh and get her busted if she drinks and drives - up to you. I have a friend who is convinced a therapist did this to him. He left the office and was pulled over and arrested for DUI.
Bottom line, you can tell her that all of it makes you very uncomfortable and if she persists in this behavior you'll have no choice but to not see her anymore. I am not a believer in rehabs, but if she's got the money, it's another option. Or, if she ever gets desperate enough, there is always AA, although I'm not a believer in that either. If she does go to AA, make sure she stays away from the men completely as "the rooms" are often filled with men who are better stayed away from. Other choices (if you have them in your area include SMART, Women for Sobriety and LifeRing - I'd recommend any of these three).
Hope some of this helps.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
