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Old 03-20-2011, 08:38 AM
 
7 posts, read 3,850 times
Reputation: 10

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Or am I just a "wannabe".

I never was like this last year, at least not to this extent.

I'm dyeing my hair a reddish color, even though it will look like complete "dog crap" ( I want to curse so badly right now, but at this time I am trying to give this post some credibility), and I also want to pick up smoking.

I have a craving to get "cut" as well. I want to cut parts of my skin, just for the heck of it. This in turn makes me want to get tattooed up.

I'm starting to have the "I don't give a "flying rip" what everyone else thinks about me, I'll do what I want.

Of course, based on continuous conditioning throughout my childhood, I will always be considered on the "nicer side" for most people so I can't really say that I will turn into a bytch.
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Old 03-20-2011, 08:58 AM
 
Location: NJ
8,093 posts, read 18,860,065 times
Reputation: 4889
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuggetivity with fries View Post
Or am I just a "wannabe".

I never was like this last year, at least not to this extent.

I'm dyeing my hair a reddish color, even though it will look like complete "dog crap" ( I want to curse so badly right now, but at this time I am trying to give this post some credibility), and I also want to pick up smoking.

I have a craving to get "cut" as well. I want to cut parts of my skin, just for the heck of it. This in turn makes me want to get tattooed up.

I'm starting to have the "I don't give a "flying rip" what everyone else thinks about me, I'll do what I want.

Of course, based on continuous conditioning throughout my childhood, I will always be considered on the "nicer side" for most people so I can't really say that I will turn into a bytch.
Well; start with dying your hair; you can always change it.
Next; go get your boob pierced.
If you still want ink after that; get something small on a part of your body that you can cover with clothes. If you do get ink; don't pick something off of the tat shop wall; find something you like & have them draw it up. Make sure you see their work before you let them ink you because once it's there you can't remove it; you can only color over it. I have 1 tat left that was a tat wall piece & I can't wait to get it covered- walking around with a tat shop wall phoenix for 20+ years is enough. I've always hated it.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:17 AM
 
7 posts, read 3,850 times
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Default How do I compress the "high-school rebellion" than is now coming out in my 20's?

I never really had the whole, cliche and typical "high school rebellion" stage that most teenagers have in high school. I never went to a party, never smoked a cigarette, never had a boyfriend and never really had friends. My family always suffocated me with their own paranoia, so I didn't even have a night life and had to stay home and suffer from mental asphyxiation.

Now that I am in my 20's, I have more independence. I love independence and I love taking advantage of the liberties that this country has given me, although I feel as though I am abusing my advantages.

I want to pick up smoking so badly. I also have the feeling of cutting my skin. I want to cut it, obviously, I know this 'cutting' behavior is trivial and juvenile, but I still have urges.

My personality is starting to change for the worse and people have noticed, I have noticed. I'm becoming a lot more sarcastic in nature and this comes off really harsh. I am scared.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:24 AM
 
Location: Owasso, OK
1,224 posts, read 3,138,116 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuggetivity with fries View Post
I never really had the whole, cliche and typical "high school rebellion" stage that most teenagers have in high school. I never went to a party, never smoked a cigarette, never had a boyfriend and never really had friends. My family always suffocated me with their own paranoia, so I didn't even have a night life and had to stay home and suffer from mental asphyxiation.

Now that I am in my 20's, I have more independence. I love independence and I love taking of the liberties that this country has given me, although I feel as though I am abusing my advantages.

I want to pick up smoking so badly. I also have the feeling of cutting my skin. I want to cut it, obviously, I know this 'cutting' behavior is trivial and juvenile, but I still have urges.

My personality is starting to change for the worse and people have noticed, I have noticed. I'm becoming a lot more sarcastic in nature and this comes off really harsh. I am scared.
I went through a "rebellion" of sorts in my late 20's. I was a goody-goody in highschool and, like you, never partied or did anything "bad". I think exercising a little independence is a good thing, but it sounds like you are or are thinking about engaging in some potentially dangerous activities. Have you talked to a therapist about your feelings? I really think that you should seek medical help. The thoughts and feelings you are displaying are not part of the normal "growing up" process.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:26 AM
 
7 posts, read 3,850 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Milleka View Post
I went through a "rebellion" of sorts in my late 20's. I was a goody-goody in highschool and, like you, never partied or did anything "bad". I think exercising a little independence is a good thing, but it sounds like you are or are thinking about engaging in some potentially dangerous activities. Have you talked to a therapist about your feelings? I really think that you should seek medical help. The thoughts and feelings you are displaying are not part of the normal "growing up" process.
I would have to disagree with the bolded part. I do think this is a normal part of a lot, but not all, teenagers.
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:36 AM
 
Location: North Carolina
1,077 posts, read 2,904,428 times
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I don't understand how cutting yourself can make you feel more independent or rebellious? Do you have anger issues?
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Old 03-20-2011, 09:42 AM
 
Location: Owasso, OK
1,224 posts, read 3,138,116 times
Reputation: 1099
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuggetivity with fries View Post
I would have to disagree with the bolded part. I do think this is a normal part of a lot, but not all, teenagers.
Ok. You asked for help, did you not? You yourself said you felt scared of your feelings. Cutting is not normal. Profound personality changes are not normal. Don't ask for help and then tell someone reaching out to you that they are wrong. You are either in denial, which is part of the mental illness process, or you are simply seeking attention. Either way- I am done with you. I have presented my professional, educated opinion of what you should do considering the feelings you presented on this forum. Good luck to you.
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Old 03-20-2011, 11:53 AM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, California
130 posts, read 743,728 times
Reputation: 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuggetivity with fries View Post
Or am I just a "wannabe".

I never was like this last year, at least not to this extent.

I'm dyeing my hair a reddish color, even though it will look like complete "dog crap" ( I want to curse so badly right now, but at this time I am trying to give this post some credibility), and I also want to pick up smoking.

I have a craving to get "cut" as well. I want to cut parts of my skin, just for the heck of it. This in turn makes me want to get tattooed up.

I'm starting to have the "I don't give a "flying rip" what everyone else thinks about me, I'll do what I want.

Of course, based on continuous conditioning throughout my childhood, I will always be considered on the "nicer side" for most people so I can't really say that I will turn into a bytch.
You can liberate yourself from your early conditioning without being reactive and / or self destructive.
And you can be free without being mean spirited.
It takes more work though and may not be as "fun".
If you have an urge to cut i'm thinking you're there are some deeper issues that you need to address.
But you can get to a place where you follow your own inner star ..... your truth .... and what people think about you no longer determines your life or carries much weight at all.

Last edited by tireeskye; 03-20-2011 at 12:12 PM..
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Old 03-20-2011, 12:22 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, California
130 posts, read 743,728 times
Reputation: 201
I do not think that the goal is to be "normal".
The goal is to be your sSelf.
And the challenge is to find creative (as opposed to destructive) ways to express yourself and to be your self without harming your self or others.
You're now independent enough to create your own life and it may be a very different life than what your parents / family want for you.
So what.
It's your life.
If you have lived in a repressed way (have repressed thoughts, urges, feelings and are sexually repressed) due to childhood conditioning, you need to find ways to release / express (not through cutting!) this energy in a way that is healing and life affirming.
Sarcasm and cynisism are an indication of deep discouragement and upset about life and it's best to keep this in check so as to protect yourself from becoming a very bitter and deeply unhappy person in your later years.
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Old 03-20-2011, 01:25 PM
 
Location: Santa Cruz, California
130 posts, read 743,728 times
Reputation: 201
Quote:
Originally Posted by Nuggetivity with fries View Post
I would have to disagree with the bolded part. I do think this is a normal part of a lot, but not all, teenagers.
Sadly, what's "normal" or common is the underlying cause of cutting (or other forms of self-harm) which is often (not always, but often) abuse and particularly sexual abuse.
1 in 4 girls (according to the stats) are sexually abused before the age of 18.
The statistics are only based on reported abuse!
If, besides the oppressive / controlling environment you grew up in, you were also sexually abused, it's actually quite "normal" that you have these thoughts, urges and feelings.
Somehow, you need to find a way to deal with the deeper issues.
If you do not, you'll find that acting out (or in; ie, against yourself) is the only way to derive some temporary relief.
Here's a page that may be helpful. http://www.helpguide.org/mental/self_injury.htm
I hope you can care enough about your self and your life to avoid that route (self abuse, acting out destructively, etc.) 'cause it's not an easy train to get off of.
(I speak from experience, btw ... not a cutter but i was self hating and self abusive in other ways for many years)
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