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Old 03-28-2011, 04:17 PM
 
5,547 posts, read 7,770,252 times
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I've heard from my mom that my SIL has a very rare disease that few know how to treat. Mom doesn't know what it's called. I'd like to send her an email and wish her well, yet feel a bit awkward bringing up the topic if she would just as soon not have to discuss it and not even being able to google on it to see what it is.

After my dad's funeral, we were just starting to get off on the right foot after 40 years. Do I send her an email to let her know I am thinking about her and wish her well or do I just do nothing?

From what I understand, it's the type of disease where it can be hard to open your mouth and I get the impression can be serious. She has been hospitalized one night for it. Just not sure if I should do anything at all. I know my brother is very concerned about it and they've been together since the age of 15 which makes it around 35 years of a very good marriage now. Thanks in advance.
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Old 03-28-2011, 04:26 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
14,864 posts, read 27,429,721 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
I've heard from my mom that my SIL has a very rare disease that few know how to treat. Mom doesn't know what it's called. I'd like to send her an email and wish her well, yet feel a bit awkward bringing up the topic if she would just as soon not have to discuss it and not even being able to google on it to see what it is.

After my dad's funeral, we were just starting to get off on the right foot after 40 years. Do I send her an email to let her know I am thinking about her and wish her well or do I just do nothing?

From what I understand, it's the type of disease where it can be hard to open your mouth and I get the impression can be serious. She has been hospitalized one night for it. Just not sure if I should do anything at all. I know my brother is very concerned about it and they've been together since the age of 15 which makes it around 35 years of a very good marriage now. Thanks in advance.
It sounds like it might be scoleraderma. My aunt has that.

Just drop her a line and say "I've been thinking about you" which is true. And let her bring it up if she wants to talk about it. Just knowing that you are thinking about her is going to make her feel a lot better.

20yrsinBranson
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Old 03-28-2011, 04:42 PM
 
5,547 posts, read 7,770,252 times
Reputation: 2741
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
It sounds like it might be scoleraderma. My aunt has that.

Just drop her a line and say "I've been thinking about you" which is true. And let her bring it up if she wants to talk about it. Just knowing that you are thinking about her is going to make her feel a lot better.

20yrsinBranson
Thanks so much. Is that a rare disease? Good advice too, btw. Rep to you.

I now have something to google on. Appreciate it and sorry your aunt has it.
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Old 03-28-2011, 08:58 PM
 
29,988 posts, read 33,588,490 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
I've heard from my mom that my SIL has a very rare disease that few know how to treat. Mom doesn't know what it's called. I'd like to send her an email and wish her well, yet feel a bit awkward bringing up the topic if she would just as soon not have to discuss it and not even being able to google on it to see what it is.

After my dad's funeral, we were just starting to get off on the right foot after 40 years. Do I send her an email to let her know I am thinking about her and wish her well or do I just do nothing?

From what I understand, it's the type of disease where it can be hard to open your mouth and I get the impression can be serious. She has been hospitalized one night for it. Just not sure if I should do anything at all. I know my brother is very concerned about it and they've been together since the age of 15 which makes it around 35 years of a very good marriage now. Thanks in advance.

I'd suggest picking up the phone and calling to wish her your best. If she is too ill to talk or take calls send a nice card via snail mail. E-mails can be so impersonal.

It is never inappropriate to let a family member know you are concerned about them and wishing them well.
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Old 03-28-2011, 10:58 PM
 
5,547 posts, read 7,770,252 times
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Originally Posted by lifelongMOgal View Post
I'd suggest picking up the phone and calling to wish her your best. If she is too ill to talk or take calls send a nice card via snail mail. E-mails can be so impersonal.

It is never inappropriate to let a family member know you are concerned about them and wishing them well.
Again, another excellent idea, but I am afraid if I send a card I send the wrong signal, as in being overconcerned or making her scared. I know what you mean about the impersonal email stuff, and I just had to tell someone recently to stop forwarding me impersonal emails (i.e. hidden email lists and blasts), but it would be out of character for me to do such a thing and I don't want to worry her.

I think a casual "I am thinking of you and heard you are not feeling well lately" might be a better idea. Less threatening, less serious, yet still concerned. Oh, and a phone call would send her into shock and make her think she was on her death bed! Thanks!
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Old 03-29-2011, 07:13 AM
 
Location: Tampa, FL
2,638 posts, read 9,892,631 times
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I'd go with a simple "thinking of you" type card. I'd probably write something to the effect that I heard she was having some health issues and I wanted her to know that I was thinking of her and that I was always available if she needs someone to talk to. I wouldn't put her on the spot in person or on the phone.
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Old 03-29-2011, 08:26 AM
 
Location: Mostly in my head
18,902 posts, read 49,839,121 times
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It's spelled scleroderma, if that's what she has.
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Old 03-29-2011, 09:02 AM
 
Location: Owasso, OK
1,224 posts, read 3,140,873 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mistygrl092 View Post
I've heard from my mom that my SIL has a very rare disease that few know how to treat. Mom doesn't know what it's called. I'd like to send her an email and wish her well, yet feel a bit awkward bringing up the topic if she would just as soon not have to discuss it and not even being able to google on it to see what it is.

After my dad's funeral, we were just starting to get off on the right foot after 40 years. Do I send her an email to let her know I am thinking about her and wish her well or do I just do nothing?

From what I understand, it's the type of disease where it can be hard to open your mouth and I get the impression can be serious. She has been hospitalized one night for it. Just not sure if I should do anything at all. I know my brother is very concerned about it and they've been together since the age of 15 which makes it around 35 years of a very good marriage now. Thanks in advance.
Of course you should call or email her. It doesn't matter if you guys have the greatest relationship or not. She is another human who is in need of some compassion right now. Any gesture would be appreciated, I'm sure. If she rejects your goodwill and well-wishes, then she is a truly wretched person. You, at least, can rest assured that you have been the better person and did the right thing.
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Old 03-29-2011, 08:25 PM
 
Location: Missouri
6,045 posts, read 20,250,244 times
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I also give the idea of an email a thumbs down. Emails are too easy to misinterpret. Just pick up the phone, tell her you know she's been having health concerns, and you wanted to check in with her and see if she was feeling okay. Let her talk, if she wants to. If not, or when she is done, let her know that you are there for her and their family if you can be of any help.
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Old 03-31-2011, 09:44 PM
 
5,547 posts, read 7,770,252 times
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Thanks for all of your input everyone. I have decided an email is the best way to go based on our history. I think it would be too out of character to do anything other than this, but I think I may go for the card idea over the email thing, even though I do have terrible handwriting. Less threatening and more personal.

So tomorrow I'll go buy a card. I just don't want the timing to look strange on this. Spoke with my mother tonight and she is gifting each of us $5K as part of our inheritance. My brother (SIL affected and her husband) really handles these affairs and would sure hate to look like I am sucking up by sending a card. Should have done this BEFORE I got the news tonight. Now just may wait a while as this thing will be chronic and ongoing. Guess there is a Dr. in another state who knows more about this than they do at the major university in the town where they live, so it must be rare and somewhat concerning.

I did check out the scleroderma info and not quite sure it fits here. Would be easier if I knew what she was dealing with.
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