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Old 06-19-2012, 02:38 PM
 
Location: Bella Vista, Ark
69,306 posts, read 79,490,574 times
Reputation: 38656

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Quote:
Originally Posted by imcurious View Post
We're talking about taking his addictive habit outside so she can breathe.
I am aware of the entire forum, what everyone has said and the pros and cons. I wasn't refering to your comments particularly, I was simply explaining quitting isn't something you just do and some have indicated it is...That is why I asked her, if he gave any reason why he wouldn't reach some kind of compromise? Has she suggested he smoke only in say, the bathroom, has she aked him even to limit it to a couple of cigarettes a day?

Nita
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Old 06-19-2012, 04:42 PM
 
Location: earth?
7,288 posts, read 10,372,376 times
Reputation: 8956
Quote:
Originally Posted by nmnita View Post
I am aware of the entire forum, what everyone has said and the pros and cons. I wasn't refering to your comments particularly, I was simply explaining quitting isn't something you just do and some have indicated it is...That is why I asked her, if he gave any reason why he wouldn't reach some kind of compromise? Has she suggested he smoke only in say, the bathroom, has she aked him even to limit it to a couple of cigarettes a day?

Nita
My point was asking someone to step outside and asking them to quit are two different things.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:00 PM
 
12,431 posts, read 14,565,228 times
Reputation: 14137
Quote:
Originally Posted by Enolihi View Post
I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or to another room. In the winter, I suffer from bronchitis, swelled nasal passages and have trouble breathing sometimes. He is my companion. I love him, but I can't stand another winter of being sick all the time. What can I do? He won't listen to me.
...that's tuff...can you cozy up a spot outside where he would feel comfortable when he smokes?...Maybe you could try opening ALL the windows whenever he puffs (you'd have to don a large coat in the winter)...turn on a couple of fans too, aim them at him, so the smoke goes in HIS face....and when he complains don't listen to him (give him a taste of his own)....maybe when the hydro cost goes up from the windows always open, he'll think twice.......just a suggestion.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:15 PM
 
Location: On the corner of Grey Street
6,056 posts, read 7,960,926 times
Reputation: 11449
All the smokers I know go outside to smoke no matter the temp. because even people very addicted to cigarettes don't want their entire house, clothes, etc. smelling like smoke. It sounds like OP isn't even asking him to quit, but just to go outside! That isn't too much to ask. If your partner cannot step outside for a smoke to preserve your health, then I'd start thinking about making other living arrangements.
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:29 PM
 
8,936 posts, read 15,857,638 times
Reputation: 6649
and most smokers I grew up around would do it in the house or at least a room in the house

it was there house and if you didn't like it - tough

there could be a hundred reasons why he is going to be stubborn - doesn't see the issue, doesn't feel the smoke causes those issues with you because it doesn't with him, doesn't see much of a difference between inside or out, doesn't feel like he needs to be inconvenienced/restricted in his living space, doesn't want to be told how to go about his business, he feels that you knew he smoked when you started together so why should he change now, etc

however - the bottom line remains a simple equation

smoke makes you physically sick
he is unwilling to accomodate his habits in a way that wont make you sick
being around him will make you sick

there are millions upon millions of people out there who can serve as a partner who don't smoke - find someone who will treat you right and take your health and needs into consideration and check "date a smoker" off your to do list

it's much easier to find love again then it is to find health after it's gone

it's your responsibility to look out after yourself
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Old 06-21-2012, 01:54 PM
 
Location: SW Missouri
15,527 posts, read 29,246,638 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enolihi View Post
I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or to another room. In the winter, I suffer from bronchitis, swelled nasal passages and have trouble breathing sometimes. He is my companion. I love him, but I can't stand another winter of being sick all the time. What can I do? He won't listen to me.
You cannot change someone else's behavior. You can only change your behavior. Tell him that when he smokes you will remove yourself from the area. If that means going outside, or into another room or even "elsewhere" for the day, that is what you will do. If he smokes when he watches television in the evening, tell him you will watch television in the other room so that you do not have to smell his smoke. Eventually, he will have to make a choice whether having you NOT with him is worth his continued smoking.

By the way, just a quick question. Did he smoke when you met him? If he did, and you knew that it bothered you, why did you make him your "companion" in the first place?

20yrsinBranson
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Old 06-22-2012, 04:22 AM
 
Location: Cartersville, GA
1,253 posts, read 2,859,489 times
Reputation: 1080
Quote:
Originally Posted by strawberrykiki View Post
All the smokers I know go outside to smoke no matter the temp. because even people very addicted to cigarettes don't want their entire house, clothes, etc. smelling like smoke. It sounds like OP isn't even asking him to quit, but just to go outside! That isn't too much to ask. If your partner cannot step outside for a smoke to preserve your health, then I'd start thinking about making other living arrangements.
Good points. My wife has quit smoking, but she always stepped outside, for the sake of preserving our home's value.
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Old 06-22-2012, 04:25 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
Reputation: 61840
Why have you wasted so much time for both of you being with someone who smokes knowing that it has this affect on you? Cripes, you knew it when you started dating from the sounds of it why would you even start? Time to get out and find someone who does not smoke, it will also give him a chance to quit being fussed at constantly for smoking.
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Old 06-22-2012, 04:26 AM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,830,509 times
Reputation: 61840
Quote:
Originally Posted by 20yrsinBranson View Post
You cannot change someone else's behavior. You can only change your behavior. Tell him that when he smokes you will remove yourself from the area. If that means going outside, or into another room or even "elsewhere" for the day, that is what you will do. If he smokes when he watches television in the evening, tell him you will watch television in the other room so that you do not have to smell his smoke. Eventually, he will have to make a choice whether having you NOT with him is worth his continued smoking.

By the way, just a quick question. Did he smoke when you met him? If he did, and you knew that it bothered you, why did you make him your "companion" in the first place?

20yrsinBranson

"Eventually, he will have to make a choice whether having you NOT with him is worth his continued smoking." (I would keep smoking)
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Old 06-22-2012, 01:29 PM
 
Location: Texas
14,078 posts, read 17,037,864 times
Reputation: 7701
You knew he smoked when you took up with him. You have no beef and no sympathy from here.

Deal with it or move out.
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