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Old 06-17-2012, 07:02 AM
 
45 posts, read 79,969 times
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I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or to another room. In the winter, I suffer from bronchitis, swelled nasal passages and have trouble breathing sometimes. He is my companion. I love him, but I can't stand another winter of being sick all the time. What can I do? He won't listen to me.
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Old 06-17-2012, 11:17 AM
 
Location: Former LI'er Now a Rehoboth Beach Bunny
7,243 posts, read 9,593,264 times
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Sorry to be so blunt but have you considered who will take care of you when he can't? Statistically, you may outlive him as a non smoker but with pulmonary problems that are already present and aggravated by smoke that may not be the case. I watched emphysema claim my mothers' life and it is not a pretty end of life to experience.

I get that you love HIM, but love is a two way street. Personally, I would move out and preserve my health and if you want you can date just not live together.
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Old 06-17-2012, 01:05 PM
 
Location: Glasgow Scotland
14,505 posts, read 11,481,746 times
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Suffered smoking in the home most of my life. hated it. back in the 40s and 50s women seem to see smoking as a fashion thing and all puffed away. I was always badly affected by the smoke and swore Id never start smoking. which I havent.. but my partner was a very heavy smoker, even during the night and my house stank of nicotine.. I hated it.... I have allergies and used to be ill all the time... coughing badly during the night.. finally he took the hint.. strangely it was our first visit to the US in 99 to visit Florida and he knew he couldnt smoke for hours on the plane... He did chew lots of gum and slept but he managed it, then when we came home he stayed off the ciggies for a few weeks.. but fell back into it... then a few months later he got acupuncture which worked but only lasted a few weeks... and I thought that he d never stop.. then something happened to him .. Id said that we couldnt have anymore good holidays anywhere because of the money and within weeks he had stopped... I couldnt believe it at first and counted every day he had stopped. waiting again to be let down.. but wow he did it.... all these years and going from being a chain smoker he stopped... we now holiday every year sometimes even twice a year, my house doesnt smell nor do my clothes.. I dont cough the same. and no way could I go back to those days...... it can be done..
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Old 06-17-2012, 03:38 PM
 
Location: The New England part of Ohio
17,568 posts, read 21,748,544 times
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Perhaps living separately would be better. He may be so addicted to smoking that quitting is not an option. The other possibility is that he's too lazy to attempt quitting, and smoking; when you get down to it, is more important to him than you are.

Have your doctor tell him just how serious this is? Perhaps he's unaware.

If he still will not quit, I would preserve and restore my own health. Best of luck to you.
I hope that you will care for yourself.

Last edited by sheena12; 06-17-2012 at 03:39 PM.. Reason: punctuation.
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Old 06-17-2012, 04:23 PM
Status: "Fall--finally here!" (set 9 days ago)
 
Location: Ocean View, DE
1,714 posts, read 2,902,650 times
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Nuts2uiam has good points. There are many smokers on my mother's side (except her), and they all died before their time or they are extremely unhealthy and on death's door as I type this. A few died from lung cancer and experienced horrible deaths, not to mention what they put their spouses through.

I never lived in a house with cig smoke and would only be with a non-smoker; therefore, I cannot really say that I know how you feel. However, I'm extremely allergic to cig smoke myself and used to get ill quite often before Delaware enacted the smoking ban. I waitressed many years ago in a restaurant which permitted smoking and also went to clubs/bars a lot and the smoke always made me ill--colds, laryngitis, sinus infections, coughing, etc. I feel bad for you because it's frustrating to know what is making you ill, but you cannot get away from it. I would suggest living separately as well.
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Old 06-17-2012, 06:49 PM
 
1,406 posts, read 2,316,077 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enolihi View Post
I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or to another room. In the winter, I suffer from bronchitis, swelled nasal passages and have trouble breathing sometimes. He is my companion. I love him, but I can't stand another winter of being sick all the time. What can I do? He won't listen to me.
Tell him you're going to have to live somewhere else if he doesn't start considering your health in the relationship. Just because you love your companion doesn't mean they have the right to damage your health. He sounds selfish to me.
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Old 06-17-2012, 07:19 PM
 
350 posts, read 378,809 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Enolihi View Post
I live with a smoker who refuses to smoke outside or to another room. In the winter, I suffer from bronchitis, swelled nasal passages and have trouble breathing sometimes. He is my companion. I love him, but I can't stand another winter of being sick all the time. What can I do? He won't listen to me.
You knew that he was a smoker when you first got involved with him and should have anticipated that something like this would happen. I suffer from allergies myself and grew up in a household with smokers. I doubt I can date a smoker because even if he smokes in another room or outside they usually smell of the stuff regardless.

You really need to let him know that his smoking is REALLY affecting you and because of that you will not able to live with him any longer if he can't be more accomodating and do it outside. Cigarettes are a hard habit to kick but he is being stubborn in his refusal to smoke elsewhere. If he still refuses well unfortunately he values his cigarettes more than your health and your relationship. I know you say that you love him, but you can't continue to stay with him if what he is doing is adversely affecting your health.
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Old 06-17-2012, 07:33 PM
 
3,672 posts, read 5,780,134 times
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i would threaten to move out if he does not smoke outside. i had the same problem with my boyfriend but thankfully he finally got the point after i started to be a complete ***** about it. i was so tired of my clothes and everything smelling like smoke. it made me feel dirty.
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Old 06-17-2012, 09:02 PM
 
Location: Leaving Montana for good...
227 posts, read 365,542 times
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Living and smoking don't belong in the same sentence.
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Old 06-17-2012, 09:18 PM
 
Location: Fort Worth, TX
9,397 posts, read 13,234,904 times
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Tell him to stop being insensitive. I'm the only smoker in my house and the very first thing I did when I moved in was ask if anybody has allergies to cigarette smoke so I'd know if it'd be okay to smoke around them. And I always smoke outside (though our house has a no-indoors-smoking policy in the lease agreement so that's kind of a given).
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