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Old 05-13-2013, 02:15 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
20,447 posts, read 20,837,133 times
Reputation: 17172

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Can anyone offer a gentle but firm way for me to tell my husband he has bad breath?

His breath is terrible pretty much all of the time. I've tried to hint, I've even asked him to brush his teeth now and again. He doesn't brush regularly and it's gross -- he wants to French kiss me when as far as I can tell he hasn't brushed his teeth in a day or two -- it is terrible.

I am so embarrassed to be posting this.

Even my son has told him his breath is bad. His reaction is to get VERY upset and insulted and to throw it back at my son and tell him he smells in various ways. I am sure he would do the same to me because in the past there are one or two things I've gently suggested he hygenically change and he yelled at me that *I* smell or am dirty or whatever. (I don't and I'm not.)

Just now I was on the bed and he tried to come cuddle and he was breathing into my face...oh it was terrible...I just can't describe the smell. I had to get up on some pretext of checking the laundry. He acted miffed/insulted.

Help...how can I approach this? It has been going on for years. NO amount of hinting helps but I am afraid to outright tell him because of how furious he'll get and how he'll pout about it for days.

Anyone deal with this?
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:29 PM
 
Location: North Jackson
1,802 posts, read 2,680,826 times
Reputation: 2258
I have never dealt with such behavior. It seems you have married an 8 year old, that doesn't want to be responsible, and is immature when discussing difficult topics.

I don't know if your husband is lazy, or If something else is wrong. When people stop taking care of their basic grooming, it might be a sign of clinical depression?

Has he had bad experiences with dentists in the past, and is now being passive aggressive and trying to show that he is in charge, by not brushing?

Your husband should know that not brushing will lead too cavities, gum disease, root canals, dentures, etc. All of which are painful and expensive, and avoidable.

But, as you know you can't make anyone do anything. Stop kissing him, stop having sex with him, and tell him why. Tell him it all will come back if he starts taking care of himself. The rest is up to him.

Sent from my SPH-M950 using Tapatalk 2
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:33 PM
 
13,171 posts, read 14,114,908 times
Reputation: 21767
If you've hinted for years and it hasn't helped, you're either going to have to put up with it or tell him outright. It would be one thing if he practiced good oral hygiene and still had bad breath. But if it's something he can fix with some brushing and flossing it doesn't seem right that you should have to suffer through it.

As far as how to approach it, can you just say, "I don't mean to insult you or hurt your feelings, but I think you really need to brush your teeth more often. There's not a nice way to say this, but your breath stinks. I love you and am attracted to you, but your breath is very unappealing." If he gets mad, he gets mad, but at least you've tried.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Las Flores, Orange County, CA
26,347 posts, read 76,626,913 times
Reputation: 17250
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
Can anyone offer a gentle but firm way for me to tell my husband he has bad breath?

His breath is terrible pretty much all of the time. I've tried to hint, I've even asked him to brush his teeth now and again. He doesn't brush regularly and it's gross -- he wants to French kiss me when as far as I can tell he hasn't brushed his teeth in a day or two -- it is terrible.

I am so embarrassed to be posting this.

Even my son has told him his breath is bad. His reaction is to get VERY upset and insulted and to throw it back at my son and tell him he smells in various ways. I am sure he would do the same to me because in the past there are one or two things I've gently suggested he hygenically change and he yelled at me that *I* smell or am dirty or whatever. (I don't and I'm not.)

Just now I was on the bed and he tried to come cuddle and he was breathing into my face...oh it was terrible...I just can't describe the smell. I had to get up on some pretext of checking the laundry. He acted miffed/insulted.

Help...how can I approach this? It has been going on for years. NO amount of hinting helps but I am afraid to outright tell him because of how furious he'll get and how he'll pout about it for days.

Anyone deal with this?
This is hard to believe. If I didn't know (you) any better (from previous postings), I would have thought someone hijacked your profile.

What about halitosis or other dental arguments? Will he listen to a professional (dentist or ENT)?

What happens if he did get his breath fixed, would that solve the problems with him? He sounds closed minded and his attitude makes him sound insecure.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:37 PM
 
Location: San Gabriel Valley, CA
20,447 posts, read 20,837,133 times
Reputation: 17172
He actually hasn't been to a dentist in many years. I think I will start with that. "Why don't we both go to the dentist?" Ugh, my stomach is in knots. I just know how this conversation is going to wind up.

Thank you all so far for the responses. This is so, so embarrassing to talk about. But I am at my wits' end. Thank you so much for the input.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:42 PM
 
Location: Lower east side of Toronto
10,576 posts, read 9,369,585 times
Reputation: 9192
He could have a condition called cryptic tonsils. They are little hollows in the back of the throat that fill up with nasty stuff that rots. He should have his throat examined. As for his dental health...if it is a case of tooth decay or gum disease..once a cavity opens up and there is a trail for bacteria to take to the point of exposing a nerve...He will have no choice but to see a dentist - pain is a great persuader.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:45 PM
 
7,786 posts, read 15,267,762 times
Reputation: 9412
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
He actually hasn't been to a dentist in many years. I think I will start with that. "Why don't we both go to the dentist?" Ugh, my stomach is in knots. I just know how this conversation is going to wind up.

Thank you all so far for the responses. This is so, so embarrassing to talk about. But I am at my wits' end. Thank you so much for the input.

That is exactly where you need to start! He needs a check up along with a good cleaning and possibly needs to be taught proper oral hygiene.

It's hard to hurt someone you love, but he could have a serious infection going on in his mouth. Do you know that serious mouth infections can cause infections in your heart? Your blood? Your brain?

Drag him, kicking and screaming, to the dentist....he will thank you for it. I'm sure he knows his breath stinks, how can he not taste it? Call the dentist..NOW.

When you call see if you can talk to the hygienist or the nurse so can give them some background without having to openly discuss it in front of dh and making him feel bad or embarrassing him.

Good luck.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:49 PM
 
Location: in here, out there
3,065 posts, read 4,741,437 times
Reputation: 5109
This has never been an issue for me. I try do do more kissing and less smelling.
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Old 05-13-2013, 02:51 PM
 
13,171 posts, read 14,114,908 times
Reputation: 21767
Quote:
Originally Posted by JerZ View Post
He actually hasn't been to a dentist in many years. I think I will start with that. "Why don't we both go to the dentist?" Ugh, my stomach is in knots. I just know how this conversation is going to wind up.Thank you all so far for the responses. This is so, so embarrassing to talk about. But I am at my wits' end. Thank you so much for the input.
You know you're one of my favorite posters and I don't want to make this a bigger issue than it is, but I think you've got bigger problems than your husband's breath. I'm sorry that what ought to be a friendly, caring conversation is tying your stomach in knots. If your husband can't take a gentle comment that he needs to brush his teeth without blowing up, he must be very hard to live with.
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Old 05-13-2013, 03:06 PM
 
11,387 posts, read 12,913,533 times
Reputation: 12521
I'm amazed that you feel you have to hint, and can't just tell him flat out that his breath stinks..Get him some mints and tell him that if he won't brush his teeth or at least have a mint...no more kissing. It's strange that he gets "VERY upset" when you bring it to his attention...and also that he won't do something about it when he knows it bothers you and your son. Why would he wanna be like that?...leave some mouth wash on the sink...every sink.
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