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Old 11-27-2007, 08:08 PM
 
Location: right outside your window
605 posts, read 654,019 times
Reputation: 64

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I must be really, really stupid at 37 years old. I wish I could blame my parents, but that's not the adult thing to do. How do I get out of the huge mess I am in here, I'm not sure where everything went wrong.
Graduated high school with high honors, very successful and actively involved with my community. Went to college at first, for about a month, told by parents at 18, if you come home, you need to work or go back to school in town. So I did both. I have been in and out of school since 1995 trying to earn a Bachelors degree in Psychology - yet to earn it. Many things and cards have been dealt over this amount of time. Major family problems. Dad went to prison, brother went to prison, my fiance and I broke up. Depression came on, anxiety came on, shrinks came on board, which I am done with for now, medications after medications for physical and emotional setbacks. I don't know what else you need to know, I am wondering how I am going to get out of this mess and start being responsible for my life. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat - but that's not the case. I bought my own car, paid for 90% of my education thus far, AA, Medical Assistant, near BA. I am in debt at least over my head about $60,000. Heck, I don't even know. I have never been dependent on anyone to pay my way. I have had numerous surgeries for endometriosis and scar tissue/adhesions, and fibroids, I'm on disability and live at mom's house. I have no idea how to save for retirement, haven't even had a 'real' career yet. It truly is a big mess.

What do I need to do to make my life 'work', it's not working, and I have no idea where to start. No idea. What did I do wrong.
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Old 11-28-2007, 05:58 AM
 
Location: Branson, Missouri
7,282 posts, read 17,211,269 times
Reputation: 3753
First, get off the drugs.
Secondly, you made a step by acknowledging that your life is screwed up.
You're the ONLY one that can change yourself.
Do some exercise to get the endorphins going. Get a resume together and take them to places you wish to get a job.
Do something good for someone else.
You have survived your messed up life, so that makes you a stronger person, now do something about it.
Good luck to you.
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Old 11-28-2007, 09:34 AM
 
Location: Penobscot Bay, the best place in Maine!
1,893 posts, read 5,254,738 times
Reputation: 2649
If you are not able to pay on your debts, you should look into declaring bancruptcy- it's a huge step, but I can only imagine that the emotional weight/guilt of not being able to do anything about it (even if you really, really want to... you may not be able to.) is not good for you, as is not knowing exactly how much you owe, and waiting to see who comes after you with lawyers for the money you owe- I'm sure that all adds to your stress. I'm not saying that people should use bancruptcy lightly, or as an easy way to wipe away stupid debt, but the option exists for a reason, and by the sounds of it, you would fall into that category- I doubt you're able to pay much at all on old bills if you are on disability.

If you are on medications that help with diagnosed physical or psychological conditions, don't feel guilty about it (I disagree with PP on that one...)

Most people on disability also qualify for subsidized housing- is that an option for you? I know it must be nice (in a way) to live with your mother, probably for you both, but I think you might feel a whole better about what you can or can not do if you are living your own life, in your own place.

If you are able to do so, I would also look into some volunteering- one hour stocking shelves at your local food bank once a week would likely change your whole outlook on life, as well as put you rubbing elbows with some new contacts (friends?) in life. There are many opportunities to volunteer- I'm sure you could find something in your area that you would like to do..

Look for some part-time jobs that you could do, even if they aren't exactly in your field of study- they would get you out and about and meeting new people. The last job I had, I applied for simply because it was a decent job (with health insurance) and I needed one- it was not one that I had any expertise about it, but as per educational requirements, I was qualified to apply... I loved it and stayed on for over 7 years. I'm not sure how this works with disability, though- are you even allowed to work at all?

I would let the worry go about retirement funds- I think your energy would be better spent trying to pull yourself out of this present funk, rather than worry about what might or might not have to happen decades from now.
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Old 11-28-2007, 12:00 PM
 
Location: All around the world.....
2,886 posts, read 7,491,222 times
Reputation: 1048
Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBNorCal View Post
I must be really, really stupid at 37 years old. I wish I could blame my parents, but that's not the adult thing to do. How do I get out of the huge mess I am in here, I'm not sure where everything went wrong.
Graduated high school with high honors, very successful and actively involved with my community. Went to college at first, for about a month, told by parents at 18, if you come home, you need to work or go back to school in town. So I did both. I have been in and out of school since 1995 trying to earn a Bachelors degree in Psychology - yet to earn it. Many things and cards have been dealt over this amount of time. Major family problems. Dad went to prison, brother went to prison, my fiance and I broke up. Depression came on, anxiety came on, shrinks came on board, which I am done with for now, medications after medications for physical and emotional setbacks. I don't know what else you need to know, I am wondering how I am going to get out of this mess and start being responsible for my life. Sometimes I feel like a spoiled brat - but that's not the case. I bought my own car, paid for 90% of my education thus far, AA, Medical Assistant, near BA. I am in debt at least over my head about $60,000. Heck, I don't even know. I have never been dependent on anyone to pay my way. I have had numerous surgeries for endometriosis and scar tissue/adhesions, and fibroids, I'm on disability and live at mom's house. I have no idea how to save for retirement, haven't even had a 'real' career yet. It truly is a big mess.

What do I need to do to make my life 'work', it's not working, and I have no idea where to start. No idea. What did I do wrong.
Have you tried this???
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Old 11-29-2007, 03:51 PM
 
Location: right outside your window
605 posts, read 654,019 times
Reputation: 64
I need to find a place to live, and fast. I have to cut my family off for now.
Please share - yes, do youhave any suggestions on where to go from here, i need out and to cut them loose. I'm scared. My mom and brother are really sick and they are trying to make me the sick one.

someone recommended I share this with the board--any suggestions?
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Old 11-29-2007, 04:46 PM
 
Location: All around the world.....
2,886 posts, read 7,491,222 times
Reputation: 1048
Quote:
Originally Posted by WannaBNorCal View Post
I need to find a place to live, and fast. I have to cut my family off for now.
Please share - yes, do youhave any suggestions on where to go from here, i need out and to cut them loose. I'm scared. My mom and brother are really sick and they are trying to make me the sick one.

someone recommended I share this with the board--any suggestions?
What is causing your disability and when did it start.
Why did Dad go to jail;
Why do you feel that your siblings are "sick" and you need to get away from them?
And first of all ; You're not stupid.WannaBNorCal.. okay?
Thanks for your reply
God bless you

Last edited by yhwhshalomjr; 11-29-2007 at 05:06 PM..
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Old 11-29-2007, 11:14 PM
 
Location: right outside your window
605 posts, read 654,019 times
Reputation: 64
Quote:
Originally Posted by yhwhshalomjr View Post
What is causing your disability and when did it start. Three laparoscopy surgeries for endometriosis, eptopic pregnancies, ovarian cysts, and fibroids.
Why did Dad go to jail; drugs, forgery, and DUI's, tried to escape once
Why do you feel that your siblings are "sick" and you need to get away from them? My only sibling is a felon as well. Long story...
And first of all ; You're not stupid.WannaBNorCal.. okay? You're right - I'm not stupid, I'm an intelligent, good - hearted, kind, caring individual.
Thanks for your reply
God bless you
have to add message too short......
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Old 11-30-2007, 01:03 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in Flyover country
531 posts, read 1,582,992 times
Reputation: 161
I wouldn't beat myself up too much. Endometriosis can be a debilitating and painful condittion. The suggestions to get a part-time job or volunteer are good ones. Local hospitals often want volunteer workers, or even a library (where I work) might accept volunteers. Good luck.
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Old 11-30-2007, 05:47 AM
 
5,006 posts, read 13,828,388 times
Reputation: 2422
I gather you live in CA or want to be living there. Disability payments in CA are pretty high, but the best place to live would be where it is cheaper but in CA, and that would be Northern CA. I used to want to live in Northern CA. All you would have to do since you are on disability is rent a house or an apartment and move. You can do it on your own. Or do you have a friend that you can move in with? At one time I wanted to move to Dunsmuir, CA. That town is so pretty, and the people were so friendly. I called a realtor and she found me a house to rent. I chickened out though.

But if you are still in college then you may not want to move up north.

I don't think that you have done anything wrong. Life just is. And then you have to learn to deal with it.
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Old 11-30-2007, 08:33 AM
 
Location: Wherabouts Unknown!
7,764 posts, read 16,835,798 times
Reputation: 9316
Default This too shall pass!

EFT (http://www.emofree.com/a/?1962 - broken link) is a great self help tool for working with the the emotional charge associated with your situation. It will help you get into a calmer place so that you can think clearly and generate viable options to move forward in your life.

Something that always helps me, when I'm feeling really stressed out is to remember: this too shall pass. Or I remind myself that it has come to pass...it hasn't come to stay...it is not a permanent condition...I'm only passing thru this experience.

blessings...Franco
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