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Old 12-09-2007, 10:57 PM
 
Location: New York, NY
71 posts, read 205,166 times
Reputation: 55

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Seaharbour:

It sounds to me like you are doing exactly the right things for yourself. You sound like a very sensitive person - that is both a gift and a curse. It sounds like you have an enormous ability to empathize with others and that is a wonderful quality; this same ability to empathize means that you are affected more deeply by things that others may not be. There is a big difference between working through the pain of your past in order to move forward and dwelling in it - it certainly sounds like you have the courage to work through it and are doing so. There is a lot of senseless cruelty in the world - to acknowledge it is good because it will help you in identifying what you want in your life and quide you in sculpting your life to include the people who will be better for you. It just takes time - have faith you are moving in the right direction...and you are because you are actively trying and working on it. One of my favorite stories is of Thomas Edison when asked how he felt failing thousands of times in making a lightbulb - his reply was that he didn't fail to make a lightbulb each of those times but he instead learned how to not make a lightbulb. You didn't have good role models so you will learn how to attract positive people through the process of attracting negative people and learning from the consequences. It is a learning process - a painful, slow but very rewarding one.

Sadly, what I have found is that there are a lot of people who are cruel and insensitive due to their own insecurities and unresolved issues; when you are a sensitive person this hurts...period. Understanding it intellectually doesn't make it any easier. It is very difficult when you have grown up questioning what is "normal" and doubting your own judgment - again, have faith in yourself...you are on the right path. It is easy to be taken advantage of when you in the process of rebuilding your emotional foundation to be stronger...but keep at it. I know by your post that you understand this :-). It is not feeling sorry for yourself to express the sadness inherent in living in this world sometimes; your ability to feel deep pain and despair is in direct proportion to your ability to feel profound joy and love - they are inseparable.

The suggestion you stay off message boards or limit your exposure to them might be a good one (at least when you are feeling emotionally vulnerable). There are a lot of very well-intentioned people on message boards but they also seem to attract people who like to attack and be argumentative. You have to love yourself enough to protect yourself from the negative feelings that these attacks (whether intended or not they can feel like attacks) can provoke. Sometimes people also don't understand when someone is emotionally vulnerable and sensitive they just need to be empathized with and instead they try to "fix" the problem which can make one feel even more misunderstood. Have patience with, and compassion for, yourself; you will gradually learn how to protect yourself; I am still learning as well. As suggested by others Buddhism is a helpful philosophy/religion to read/study. Feel free to send me an email or direct message and I would be happy to recommend books that have helped me.

Take care.
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Old 12-09-2007, 11:01 PM
 
Location: southern california
49,770 posts, read 46,858,501 times
Reputation: 41011
of course you are attracting negative people. you are kind and giving, the world is not they have been programed to be me first self serving selfish, they are guna come runnin when they see you. a clean spot on a very dirty carpet.
i am reading left hand of god, by rabbi lerner very much about this.
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Old 12-10-2007, 05:29 AM
 
4,147 posts, read 10,081,291 times
Reputation: 1682
Seaharbour,

I don't think you should be around any abusive people, and that includes parents.

Kind and giving people often attrack others that are kind and giving. When I was depressed I attacted the wrong kind of people in my life, when I changed I began attracking those who were happy, so I don't believe in this clean spot on a dirty carpet.

Last edited by Mattie Jo; 12-10-2007 at 02:00 PM..
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Old 12-10-2007, 06:59 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
923 posts, read 2,205,829 times
Reputation: 237
Thanks Jesaka...I appreciate that.

That may be true, but it is also true that bullies can sense and seek out the wounded too...but in general that is true too, that if we are kind and smile, we might also attract others that are kind and who smile too...but its not 100 percent...

My whole life I was timid, scared, but i smiled at people, would take the shirt off my back for most, just cause they opened a door for me or smiled at me...I was not a negative person, yet i was bullied at home and school cause I was hurting inside and predators btw can pick up on that...I have this conversation with alot of abuse survivors in my lifetime and trust me...abusive people can and will hurt you if they see your wounded...but I hear what your saying too and that is true to some degree too.
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:22 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
923 posts, read 2,205,829 times
Reputation: 237
Wow..the longest journey...i am going to take your suggestion...I been thinking it might be wise to leave here...and your heartfelt advice is rarely found anywhere..your post and sensitivity just amazed me, I am going to write you later on tonight..I want to think bout what i should write to you here and thank you!!!
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Old 12-10-2007, 08:25 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania
923 posts, read 2,205,829 times
Reputation: 237
(((Buncky 39)))) thank you!
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