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I suggest you steer clear of AA or any other 12 step program. The effectiveness is overrated and potential harm in their methodology is underrated.
I second Marlowe's suggestion regarding SMART recovery or Moderation Management. He may not want to quit altogether, at least not right now, so you are probably better off suggesting MM to start.
He's a big guy, so what he is drinking isn't having the same effect as it would on a smaller person. 5 drinks a day for him is probably what it takes to feel the effect that 3 would in a smaller person.
That said, a smaller person having three drinks a day may have a real problem, or it may be just habitual.
For him to be defensive and turn it back around to you sounds like it could be a real problem that could get worse. It also sounds like maybe you don't have the best relationship and that might need some work. Or he's just that kind of guy, who doesn't take criticism or blame well, and that is part of what is giving him so much stress at work...
Doesn't sound like he'd consider therapy or counseling of any kind.
What? Although AA or some 12 step programs can get a bit cultish and heavy on the god angle, one of the basic things they teach is accepting personal responsibility. There are a hell of a lot of people in the world (alcoholic and not) who could stand to learn that. Not all aspects of any recovery program will work for everybody. That's why they say, "take what you need and leave the rest" but to call them potentially harmful IMO is ridiculous.
Telling most alcoholics that they can learn to drink responsibility is irresponsible and sounds like a bunch of coddling bullcrap.
He's an alcoholic. Period. That is a great deal of liquor.
By comparison, I have had maybe 2 shots IN MY LIFETIME. The last time was 30 years ago.
In my world you are the freak and you have minimal credibility to be commenting on drinking. (I am ASSuming that beer or whine are not your beverages of choice)
I would like to make a suggestion to the OP that doesn't appear to have been made yet.
Ask your husband to have his first drink at home on a relatively empty stomach and also wait ~30 min till the 2nd. Hopefully he will feel the buzz and stop at 1 or 2. Maybe go for a walk around the block first too?
Given his health, he does need to slow down. But hey, he does stop at ~5, doesn't get mean or violent and makes it in to work. So get him down to 4, then wait a week, then to 3, wait, and be happy at 2. I realize OP said 2 bottles/wk not # of shots/drinks but I trust my pint is made.
Remember I am a(nother) person/stranger on the internet that does not know your full situation.
I suggest you steer clear of AA or any other 12 step program. The effectiveness is overrated and potential harm in their methodology is underrated.
I second Marlowe's suggestion regarding SMART recovery or Moderation Management. He may not want to quit altogether, at least not right now, so you are probably better off suggesting MM to start.
He's a big guy, so what he is drinking isn't having the same effect as it would on a smaller person. 5 drinks a day for him is probably what it takes to feel the effect that 3 would in a smaller person.
That said, a smaller person having three drinks a day may have a real problem, or it may be just habitual.
For him to be defensive and turn it back around to you sounds like it could be a real problem that could get worse. It also sounds like maybe you don't have the best relationship and that might need some work. Or he's just that kind of guy, who doesn't take criticism or blame well, and that is part of what is giving him so much stress at work...
Doesn't sound like he'd consider therapy or counseling of any kind.
So right! Drinking is a far better than AA.....he is a big guy after all.....(sarcasm)
My information is correct for the state of California. Yes, refusal to undergo a chemical test will result in a license suspension which can later be contested at an administrative hearing. That is irrelevant to the best course of protecting your rights and making the D.A. prove the case in the event of a DUI charge. Don't talk to the cops either, nor let them take your blood without a warrant. Best advice - don't drink and drive.
All of this just buys you time before they sentence you and costs even more money. It is important to protect your rights, however, when you are so drunk you can't walk I feel like getting that person off the streets is more important than anything. The police are used to dealing with this nonsense and will have you on videotape etc. My husband was on videotape various times refusing to take any tests and yelling that he was injured. When you are drunk good sense tends to go out the window which is why drunks are driving in the first place. So if you are going to give out this kind of advice why don't you just suggest the drunk just stay home and write a check for $10,000 to a charity and be done with it. This is the kind of money at least you can plan on spending each DUI when you decide to "beat it" with these tricky maneuvers designed to outsmart the police.
I suggest you steer clear of AA or any other 12 step program. The effectiveness is overrated and potential harm in...
I hear that noise. I got sentenced to A.A. when I was 18, then 28, and have been going on my own for the last 20 and only have 11+ years sober to show for... and a nice wife and a nice home and a nice career...
I need to go back to that worthless cult and refund all my misery.
My husband drinks that and it bothers me. I asked him to cut down or stop and he won't. I've been told (by drinkers) that it isn't a lot. But I think it is?
That is a lot. I know someone related to me, female in her late 50s, who will put away three 750ml bottles of brandy in less than one week and think that it is completely normal because they say they "know how to drink" or "they can handle their liquor".
They don't even act normal. I got a chance to see them both sober and drunk and sober they were zombies. Their brain cells for coping every day are totally fried.
Drunk their already dull and ugly personalities turn irascible and easy to anger for any little thing.
What a very horrible way to live. I am so glad I did not inherit the gene for alcoholism.
Although there are quite a few in my family from both sides that have inherited that gene and are alcoholics or borderline.
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