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I could not find a topic heading for what I want to say--which tells me what I already knew: we are in denial about death when we are old, or when we think about becoming responsible for an older person's care.
I've been taking care of my mother for almost two years. She has lived far longer than the doctors said she would. She has acute myeloid leukemia and is 93. This means essentially that her bone marrow has stopped making blood cells and it instead makes defective cells that fill her circulatory system. She is too old for the usual treatments: bone marrow transplantation, chemo, and radiation.
Her doctors have been giving her blood transfusions. After a short time (a week to 10 days) her system destroys the good cells, and she needs more blood. I am not talking about a small amount of blood--in the past 10 days she has received 8 units of red blood cells and 2 units of platelets. The transfusions are done in a hospital setting where she stays overnight and sometimes several nights. In the past 16 months she has received a total of 172 units of red blood cells and over a hundred units of platelets.
Going into this situation, the doctors thought she would last 6-12 weeks, but she has found some sort of "health loophole" and she lives on and on. I have taken her into emergency 15 times and she has almost died about that many times. I am weary of the situation, but my mother wants everything done to prolong her life.
I am so past being sick and tired of other people telling me how "wonderful" this is, how they admire her fighting spirit. The situation is not "wonderful," nor does she fight. She has simply gone limp and expects her family (me) to do everything for her, except for one or two things she likes to do--watch TV and eat. So many people call from a distance or send cards expressing admiration for her and me. But if they were here doing the actual work of keeping her alive they would not be so happy.
There is something wrong here, folks. When a person has lived to an advanced age and the body quits, there should be some realistic acceptance of it. If you have not been in a hospital lately, you need to know that medical science has advanced fantastically -- they can keep most people alive as long as the payment rolls in. And Medicare pays and pays.
I am no libertarian. I believe people should fund institutions for the purpose of taking care of each other, and that Medicare is generally a good thing. But judging from the bills we have seen, I would estimate that Medicare has paid out well over a million dollars for my Mom, who has no chance of recovery (blood, though donated on the front end, is very expensive on the receiving end).
My dream just now is that someone will tell her "no more." It is well past time to accept that death happens to everyone, that there is a time for it, and that the body knows when that time is.
Not to mention the enormous burden on the healthcare system. When its time to die ...its time.
I always thought it was funny that some people were so scared about Obamacare death panels. From personal experience, if anyone is going to pull the plug on you when you're old or sick, it's going to be someone in your own family...
I always thought it was funny that some people were so scared about Obamacare death panels. From personal experience, if anyone is going to pull the plug on you when you're old or sick, it's going to be someone in your own family...
you have totally missed the fear of death panels. Obviously you are not a senior. If you were you wold understand how our rates for suplimentary insurance has increased, our out of pocket expenses have increased and many tests either are no longer available or can only be preformed every couple of years. Yes, Obomacare has affected us.
Now, to the OP, it is time you look into home hospice. I am sure many of us feel for the care givers as much as those who need the care. We have no control on how long we will remain on earth. I think most of us have had loved ones who wanted to die but just lived on and on, others who have died way to soon and those who have so little quality of life we have to wonder why they just keep on going. There are no answers to these problems.
you have totally missed the fear of death panels. Obviously you are not a senior. If you were you wold understand how our rates for suplimentary insurance has increased, our out of pocket expenses have increased and many tests either are no longer available or can only be preformed every couple of years. Yes, Obomacare has affected us.
Now, to the OP, it is time you look into home hospice. I am sure many of us feel for the care givers as much as those who need the care. We have no control on how long we will remain on earth. I think most of us have had loved ones who wanted to die but just lived on and on, others who have died way to soon and those who have so little quality of life we have to wonder why they just keep on going. There are no answers to these problems.
Obamacare affected everyone not just seniors! My rates have dramatically increased and I receive far less covereage. Many items the tests are now every 5 years instead of every year. Really helpful when you have a history of certain cancers in your family. My OOP has gone through the roof.
The OP definitely needs to look into hospice or a nursing home. One needs to take care of them self before taking care of others. Things that drag on for years like this really do wear a person down.
And while we are at it, I guess I wouldn't need to mention the kids in my will either...
Why would you assume your children could handle you as an elderly patient? It takes a full staff to take of people in nursing homes. People need a break and if they are stuck caring for a family member round the clock, it takes a toll on them physically and emotionally. There are numerous posts on here about this very thing.
And using the whole will cards if you don't take care of me is a load of crap. Only jerks pull that.
When you have to take care of a dementia patient who won't eat, has no idea who he is, has to wear diapers, has to be sponge bathed daily plus any clean ups from bathroom incidents, is bed ridden and you have to move them to prevent bed sores and they become violent, let me know! Until then, you have no idea what it's like to take of an elderly person and I would never wish that on any of my family. I watched my grandmother try and it was horrific. The poor woman went flying across the room more than once.
I could not find a topic heading for what I want to say--which tells me what I already knew: we are in denial about death when we are old, or when we think about becoming responsible for an older person's care.
I've been taking care of my mother for almost two years. She has lived far longer than the doctors said she would. She has acute myeloid leukemia and is 93. This means essentially that her bone marrow has stopped making blood cells and it instead makes defective cells that fill her circulatory system. She is too old for the usual treatments: bone marrow transplantation, chemo, and radiation.
Her doctors have been giving her blood transfusions. After a short time (a week to 10 days) her system destroys the good cells, and she needs more blood. I am not talking about a small amount of blood--in the past 10 days she has received 8 units of red blood cells and 2 units of platelets. The transfusions are done in a hospital setting where she stays overnight and sometimes several nights. In the past 16 months she has received a total of 172 units of red blood cells and over a hundred units of platelets.
Going into this situation, the doctors thought she would last 6-12 weeks, but she has found some sort of "health loophole" and she lives on and on. I have taken her into emergency 15 times and she has almost died about that many times. I am weary of the situation, but my mother wants everything done to prolong her life.
I am so past being sick and tired of other people telling me how "wonderful" this is, how they admire her fighting spirit. The situation is not "wonderful," nor does she fight. She has simply gone limp and expects her family (me) to do everything for her, except for one or two things she likes to do--watch TV and eat. So many people call from a distance or send cards expressing admiration for her and me. But if they were here doing the actual work of keeping her alive they would not be so happy.
There is something wrong here, folks. When a person has lived to an advanced age and the body quits, there should be some realistic acceptance of it. If you have not been in a hospital lately, you need to know that medical science has advanced fantastically -- they can keep most people alive as long as the payment rolls in. And Medicare pays and pays.
I am no libertarian. I believe people should fund institutions for the purpose of taking care of each other, and that Medicare is generally a good thing. But judging from the bills we have seen, I would estimate that Medicare has paid out well over a million dollars for my Mom, who has no chance of recovery (blood, though donated on the front end, is very expensive on the receiving end).
My dream just now is that someone will tell her "no more." It is well past time to accept that death happens to everyone, that there is a time for it, and that the body knows when that time is.
The only thing I can think of is that I don't like your post.
The only thing I can think of is that I don't like your post.
It sounds wrong, it feels wrong, YOU are wrong.
Re-evaluate where you are coming from.
Have you lived through this type of situation? If you have, what works for you doesn't work for everyone else. Sadly, I saw my grandmother fly across the living room more than once while trying to care for my grandfather with dementia. She also has health issues. He went to bathroom anywhere. He would escape and we'd have to find him. It was a nightmare. It took a serious toll on the poor woman. He had no idea who she was and they were married for 60 years! He would call her his high school girlfriend's name....who he cheated on my grandmother with. Yeah, it was a bed of roses!
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