U.S. CitiesCity-Data Forum Index
Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness
 [Register]
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
View detailed profile (Advanced) or search
site with Google Custom Search

Search Forums  (Advanced)
Reply Start New Thread
 
Old 05-17-2016, 05:56 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,609,526 times
Reputation: 17329

Advertisements

You have some strange friends and they must all be Young Frankenstein fans...Puttin' on the Ritz.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message

 
Old 05-17-2016, 06:14 PM
 
Location: Fort Lauderdale, Florida
8,198 posts, read 7,489,588 times
Reputation: 17161
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
I guess I'll have to spell it out for you.


Most disabled people are at last somewhat self-conscious of their condition. Adjusting to being "different" is part of living with a disability. Its just plan manners and politeness NOT to go calling one out on a disability all the time. I guess its different, being on the giving end of a "joke" and the receiving end. What I find difficult to understand is otherwise well-bred, educated, dignified people who somehow think its appropriate behavior to make a$$es of themselves dancing with a handicapped assistive device in public. I guess they just don't know any better


Ok, so, folks, its NOT polite to turn a disability into a public joke! It might be "fun" for you, but not for the disabled person! Or did you ever think of that?
I've never made fun of someone with a disability.

I've never assumed someone dancing with a cane is making fun of someone with a disability.

I don't see the correlation between dancing with a cane and making fun of someone.

I don't think anyone is quite getting your vent.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2016, 06:34 PM
 
Location: Location: Location
6,226 posts, read 7,411,312 times
Reputation: 17881
Wow. I'm guessing, OP, that before long you won't have to worry, you won't have any friends who will be willing to hold your cane.

I do understand your feelings and were I your friend, I think I would have known better than to make you feel so uncomfortable. But if you can come to CD and actually be confrontational with a bunch of strangers, why would you be reluctant to voice your discomfort/displeasure at what you perceive as mocking to those whom you consider friends?

"When you do that, my feelings are hurt because I perceive your actions as belittling my handicap."
"I really wish I could be amused at your "floor show" but aside from the fact that people are staring, it seems as though you view my assistive device as a vaudeville prop. To you, perhaps, but to me it's a necessity."
"If you think you're amusing, you really missed the mark. Knock it off and give me back my cane."

So many ways to get the point across, no? I promise you that should we ever meet and I'm asked to hold your cane, I won't dance with it.

That could be the ultimate "friend" test for any person who needs a cane for stability: hand it to a companion and if they break into a soft shoe, no Christmas card for them!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2016, 07:54 PM
 
Location: Texas Hill Country
8,902 posts, read 4,844,061 times
Reputation: 7693
We-ll, when I saw the title, I immediately thought of the use of cane as in belly dancing.

All I can say about those who would see your aid as a prop is to shame them with something like this:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Oz52A2XWFKM

Ie, "You call that dancing with a cane? THIS is a cane dance, you novice!".
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2016, 10:27 PM
 
Location: Los Angeles>Little Rock>Houston>Little Rock
6,488 posts, read 6,609,526 times
Reputation: 17329

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=co6-tYS9k1U
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-17-2016, 10:36 PM
 
35,121 posts, read 37,872,955 times
Reputation: 61846
I use a cane and have never had the need to ask anyone to hold it for me when needing to use both hands.
I don't understand the issue.
You could not prop it against something? Put the handle on your forearm?
Something else I would like to point out is that the use of a cane does not indicate *handicapped*. I use a cane because I had a stroke 8 months ago and my gait is still not completely back to normal. This does not mean I am handicapped or disabled, it merely means I need the support of the cane while walking until I do get back to pre stroke normal.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2016, 06:23 AM
 
Location: Wisconsin
16,499 posts, read 15,961,355 times
Reputation: 38888
Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post


BTW, I get the same "song-and-dance" routine from 99.99% of those I ask to hold the cane. They ALL do the dance routine. Oh, geez, if the cane makes one so uncomfortable, then just stay away from me. Did it ever occur to them their little dance makes me uncomfortable? Perhaps I am unaccustomed to being with a grown adult acting like a cartoon character in public.......maybe I should link arms and start singing with them?
I've been thinking about your post. I am sorry that this is happening to you.

Are you sure that it is 99.9 percent of the people that you hand the cane to or is it just one or two main people that you spend a lot of time with? If it is one or two people just forcefully tell them to stop that behavior.

My mother used a cane for several years, and while she rarely handed it to anyone as she needed it full time to keep her balance I can't ever think of a time (or even imagine a time) that anyone would break into a dance routine. Several of her elderly friends also used canes and I can't think of a time that I ever saw anyone of their friends do anything silly with their canes.

Is it possible that your friends are just happy go lucky people who really do not know that this upsets you? Or maybe you involuntarily laughed the first time that they did it and now they think that you like it?
Or maybe they are all jerks? Or maybe they think that if you hand them the cane that you are faking and don't really need it? I really don't know.

I agree with another poster who suggested that you keep the cane yourself inside of handing it to people. Perhaps put it on the crook of your arm, or get one with a loop to put around your wrist or just lean it against something. My mother never really handed her cane to others because when she needed to use it she needed to use it immediately or she could fall. Maybe you could emphasize that to others, too.

Quote:
Originally Posted by CSD610 View Post
I use a cane and have never had the need to ask anyone to hold it for me when needing to use both hands.
I don't understand the issue.
You could not prop it against something? Put the handle on your forearm?
Something else I would like to point out is that the use of a cane does not indicate *handicapped*. I use a cane because I had a stroke 8 months ago and my gait is still not completely back to normal. This does not mean I am handicapped or disabled, it merely means I need the support of the cane while walking until I do get back to pre stroke normal.
Good point.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2016, 06:46 AM
 
11,685 posts, read 13,101,708 times
Reputation: 30982
Quote:
Originally Posted by maryleeii View Post
i....ok, so, folks, its not polite to turn a disability into a public joke! It might be "fun" for you, but not for the disabled person! Or did you ever think of that?
Bingo!

Sorry, you got so completely trashed coming to this forum.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2016, 12:34 PM
 
9,465 posts, read 15,041,607 times
Reputation: 15440
Quote:
Originally Posted by kevxu View Post
Bingo!

Sorry, you got so completely trashed coming to this forum.


Thanks! I guess some people just don't see themselves!
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
 
Old 05-18-2016, 04:00 PM
 
Location: OHIO
1,828 posts, read 780,568 times
Reputation: 4228
Tell them it bothers you. Even good people do stupid things. And if they are good, considerate people, they won't do it anymore.
Reply With Quote Quick reply to this message
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.

Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.


Reply
Please update this thread with any new information or opinions. This open thread is still read by thousands of people, so we encourage all additional points of view.

Quick Reply
Message:

Over $104,000 in prizes was already given out to active posters on our forum and additional giveaways are planned!

Go Back   City-Data Forum > General Forums > Health and Wellness
Follow City-Data.com founder on our Forum or

All times are GMT -6.

2005-2018, Advameg, Inc.

City-Data.com - Archive 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, 30, 31, 32, 33, 34, 35 - Top