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Old 05-17-2016, 11:14 AM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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I really don't know where to put this, but the health forum seems as good a place as any. Mods may move as they see fit!


Guess this is just a vent, but, here goes---


I have severe arthritis and often use a cane. I also have another disability---I only have two hands! Life can get a little complicated when one has something always occupying one of those hands!

Sometimes the cane gets in the way, trying to juggle it and other items. So, sometimes, I actually resort to asking the person I'm with to hold the cane for a few seconds while I juggle my other items. Like, for example, I might ask someone I'm with to hold the cane for a few seconds while I turn a key in the lock, or shift and juggle some packages, etc. Every time I do so, regardless of who I am with, the other person starts "dancing" with the cane Sometimes they provide a musical accompaniment, as well, such as singing Its obvious, of course, they want to disassociate themselves from the cane. Hey, look, world, I'm NOT the handicapped one, I'm just holding this thing! Geez, they're only drawing attention to themselves instead of deflecting it. Its so ridiculous to see a grown adult making an a$$ of themselves playing "vaudeville" I even had my MIL say now all she needs is a top hat!


Good grief, I only ask someone t hold the thing for a few seconds while I shift stuff around in my hands. It takes longer for them to put on their little dance act than to hold and return the cane. Oftentimes I've been standing there waiting for them to finish to get my cane back! Is a cane such a social "marker" people will go to such lengths to disassociate themselves from it? I have had this happen for years, with various people, its so annoying!


I've recently discovered a way to get around the problem. I found a little attachment for the bottom of the cane, a 4-pronged "base" of sorts. Not only does it provide greater stability, it can stand alone so I don't have to ask a companion to hold it for a few seconds! Now the same people who acted put out to actually touch the thing look somewhat confused when I just let it stand there instead of asking for them to help. I've even had "friends" grab the cane, while not necessary, and start the whole routine. I just say what are you doing that for? Well, I was just trying to help.....help with what? How does making an a$$ of themselves "help" anything"?


Really, is a cane such an oddity that people will go to such lengths to distance themselves from it? I know I'm really going to befuddle them when I start using my new walker, which gives me more stability, and hence, more freedom. I wonder what type of act they can come up with for that?


Ok, rant over

Last edited by MaryleeII; 05-17-2016 at 11:26 AM..
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Old 05-17-2016, 11:31 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
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I think you are reading waaay too much into it.
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Old 05-17-2016, 11:45 AM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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That's my read on it! Its annoying, to say the least! If a cane embarrasses my "companions" so much they feel they have to put on an act to deflect it from them, well, perhaps I feel embarrassed being with grown adults who feel putting on a dance routine in the middle of a parking lot, restaurant, mall, etc to be embarrassing!

Last edited by MaryleeII; 05-17-2016 at 12:21 PM..
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Old 05-17-2016, 11:56 AM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
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Well certainly you are within your rights to feel any way you choose.

I would venture to guess the little schtik has less to do with them wanting to distance themselves from any handicap and more to do with just feeling a little awkward with an object they are not used to having or even just an attempt at being silly or lighthearted. If the person is a close friend and it truly bothers you then just let them know. I'm sure they'd rather know than continue to offend you.

If you'd prefer to feel offended and bent out of shape then by all means carry on.
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:04 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Well certainly you are within your rights to feel any way you choose.

I would venture to guess the little schtik has less to do with them wanting to distance themselves from any handicap and more to do with just feeling a little awkward with an object they are not used to having or even just an attempt at being silly or lighthearted. If the person is a close friend and it truly bothers you then just let them know. I'm sure they'd rather know than continue to offend you.

If you'd prefer to feel offended and bent out of shape then by all means carry on.
Newsflash---people do have feelings, and they aren't always what others think they should be! How does one expect a person to feel, when they're with someone who acts like an a$$ in public? If they feel awkward being with a "handicapped" person, perhaps the should take a good look at themselves and how they are acting


I certainly don't "prefer" to feel offended by the actions of others. I "prefer" that "others" act like adults and realize good manners extends to the disabled as well. Wouldn't one correct a child who acted in such a manner? Then why is it ok for an adult to carry on so?


Why should I be the one to compensate for others inappropriate behavior?
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:11 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
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The clearly are unaware you are uncomfortable. Just let them know. As I said.

I did NOT say they felt awkward with a handicapped person. I said they might feel awkward with an object in their hands they are unaccustomed to. Big difference. People do all kinds of things when in a situation they aren't used to being in. They don't generally mean to be offensive. You can choose to take it any way you'd like.

Last edited by maciesmom; 05-17-2016 at 12:20 PM..
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:40 PM
 
9,454 posts, read 15,010,253 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
The clearly are unaware you are uncomfortable. Just let them know. As I said.

I did NOT say they felt awkward with a handicapped person. I said they might feel awkward with an object in their hands they are unaccustomed to. Big difference. People do all kinds of things when in a situation they aren't used to being in. They don't generally mean to be offensive. You can choose to take it any way you'd like.


What's so awkward about a cane? I take it you find such behavior appropriate, the problem is me and reacting to it. So, then, any type of behavior is ok, its the other person's problem to deal with it. What if I held your glasses and started doing a Mr McGoo routine? Would you feel like I was being silly? Or guess its ok if I'm a politician, like Trump, who did a parody of a disabled person's speech/muscular impairments? That was ok, it was up to the disabled reporter to choose how to react....... The disabled are entitled to the same courtesy and manners as the non-disabled. We don't live in another world.......


BTW, it was such treatment by others that kept me housebound for years. I couldn't navigate without some sort of assistive device, such as a cane, walker, wheelchair, etc. The reactions I got from the general public, as well as those I knew and associated with, were so difficult to deal with I found myself staying at home rather than risk the reactions of others. Now I've taken the attitude-----if it bothers you that much, stay away from me, but don't draw attention to me and yourself by making a spectacle out of another's disability, then take the stance well, if it bothers you that's your problem!


BTW, I get the same "song-and-dance" routine from 99.99% of those I ask to hold the cane. They ALL do the dance routine. Oh, geez, if the cane makes one so uncomfortable, then just stay away from me. Did it ever occur to them their little dance makes me uncomfortable? Perhaps I am unaccustomed to being with a grown adult acting like a cartoon character in public.......maybe I should link arms and start singing with them?
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Old 05-17-2016, 12:48 PM
 
Location: Denver area
21,134 posts, read 22,102,729 times
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I didn't say how I felt about one way or the other as it's not relevant. You indicated numerous times that they were being offensive and acting like jerks. I've said that may not be their intent is all. I prefer to go through life not looking at everyone's behavior as intent upon offending. It's a choice I make.
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Old 05-17-2016, 01:10 PM
 
11,686 posts, read 13,074,643 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by maciesmom View Post
Well certainly you are within your rights to feel any way you choose.

I would venture to guess the little schtik has less to do with them wanting to distance themselves from any handicap and more to do with just feeling a little awkward with an object they are not used to having or even just an attempt at being silly or lighthearted.If the person is a close friend and it truly bothers you then just let them know. I'm sure they'd rather know than continue to offend you.

If you'd prefer to feel offended and bent out of shape then by all means carry on.
You handed me a good laugh. Your remark made think of a parade of people dancing with rutabagas, lobster Newburg, sushi, maracujŠ fruit....and an endless number of things they are not used to having.
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Old 05-17-2016, 01:18 PM
 
Location: SW Florida
9,144 posts, read 6,329,250 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MaryleeII View Post
Newsflash---people do have feelings, and they aren't always what others think they should be! How does one expect a person to feel, when they're with someone who acts like an a$$ in public? If they feel awkward being with a "handicapped" person, perhaps the should take a good look at themselves and how they are acting


I certainly don't "prefer" to feel offended by the actions of others. I "prefer" that "others" act like adults and realize good manners extends to the disabled as well. Wouldn't one correct a child who acted in such a manner? Then why is it ok for an adult to carry on so?


Why should I be the one to compensate for others inappropriate behavior?
I've never seen anyone "dancing"with a cane when asked to hold it for someone who uses a cane. And I certainly have never done so when asked to hold a cane. But if it gets you so bent out of shape as your posts would indicate when someone does that when you ask them to hold your cane so you can use both hands, why don't you look into investing in a cane that will stand alone when you aren't using it so you don't have to ask your companion to hold it?

Of course how you react to your described scenario is your decision, but IMO life is much too short to go looking for things to be offended about, especially when no offense was intended. But one of those canes with "feet" would likely circumvent your problem here.

Quad Canes | 4 Prong Canes | Canes with Four Feet | Fashionablecanes.com

https://www.hurrycane.com/?AspxAutoD...ookieSupport=1
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