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Old 06-30-2016, 02:12 AM
 
1 posts, read 1,286 times
Reputation: 26

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Wife and I have been married for 3 years, I am 30 and she is 29. When we met we were both smokers but I quit after a process that was not easy. I encouraged my then gf to quit and she of course said she would but never did. She told me she has been a smoker since she was 15 and her mother who is also a smoker would buy her packs. The thing is lately, probably the past 4 months she has really been hacking and coughing a lot, in the middle of the night, when she wakes up and even at work. She will even spit up mucus and phlegm. We have a one year old daughter as well that I am worried about. She smokes about 1-2 packs a day and I am really concerned. Being a former smoker myself I do realize how very difficult it can be to quit but at this rate I am worried she won't live to see our daughter graduate High School or at least college.

I try to be understanding about and don't want to be hypocritical but I am concerned with her long term health. I have tried talking to her about it but she says she will quit when she's ready. Admittedly I have said the same but I did manage to quit.

 
Old 06-30-2016, 11:27 AM
 
18,775 posts, read 6,129,215 times
Reputation: 12663
That's really too bad, smoking can kill and for many very young. My daughter was married to smoker but he quit when their first child was born but he coughed and hacked always. When he finally went to a doctor with all his hacking, it was too late. He was 55 and died after 6 months aggressive treatment. He had quit for about 18 yrs after a long long time of smoking.

Get prepared. My grandkids just went thru 3 yr anniversary of their dad's death.
 
Old 06-30-2016, 11:45 AM
 
Location: Midwest, USA
706 posts, read 395,972 times
Reputation: 600
Quote:
Originally Posted by graneenja View Post
Wife and I have been married for 3 years, I am 30 and she is 29. When we met we were both smokers but I quit after a process that was not easy. I encouraged my then gf to quit and she of course said she would but never did. She told me she has been a smoker since she was 15 and her mother who is also a smoker would buy her packs. The thing is lately, probably the past 4 months she has really been hacking and coughing a lot, in the middle of the night, when she wakes up and even at work. She will even spit up mucus and phlegm. We have a one year old daughter as well that I am worried about. She smokes about 1-2 packs a day and I am really concerned. Being a former smoker myself I do realize how very difficult it can be to quit but at this rate I am worried she won't live to see our daughter graduate High School or at least college.

I try to be understanding about and don't want to be hypocritical but I am concerned with her long term health. I have tried talking to her about it but she says she will quit when she's ready. Admittedly I have said the same but I did manage to quit.
She's right. She will quit when she's ready, and not a day sooner. Quitting for someone else doesn't usually work. I smoke and I enjoy it. If I want to quit then I will. I'm guessing she feels the same way.

If she wants to cut down, there are a few things she can do. Rolling your own cigarettes makes you very aware of how much you smoke. If you don't roll one, you're not smoking one. It makes it harder to just blindly or habitually reach for a cigarette. The home-rolled cigarettes are usually better for a person because it's just pure tobacco rather than a mix of 100 or more chemicals and fillers that are used in pre-rolled cigs. Just switching to RYO can make a big difference, especially if you can find organic tobacco (though anything by American Spirit would be okay if you're not worried about pesticides).

When I started to roll my own cigs, I bought the light-blue AS pouch. Then I found their organic selection and that's what I use now. It's the maroon-red pouch. RYO cigs burn much slower and will actually go out if you're talking to someone for too long and not taking a puff often enough. This makes them safer and less wasteful than normal cigs, in my experience. They are stronger, even when you roll them up with a white filter. That makes it so one cigarette to me is actually half of my rolled cigs. In other words, I smoke the first half and that counts as one. I put it out and then light up the other half (using a plastic disposable filter) a half hour to an hour later, or whatever. So I literally get two cigs out of each one I roll. I only smoke 10-12 cigarettes a day because the tobacco burns slower.

You said you have a child. The wife definitely shouldn't be smoking around her. If she is, then you do have an obligation and/or right to make her stop doing that. Just having to go outside to smoke can reduce one's intake greatly, especially in winter. Don't allow her to smoke in the car when the baby is present, either. Less opportunities to smoke means less smoking gets done.

Many years ago when I considered quitting (for someone else), I bought a book that had an unusual technique. You are supposed to take a piece of paper and write the numbers 1-20 down the left side, as if you were taking a spelling test. Then you make a few columns across the top of the page. The first one is your number column, which corresponds to the number of cigs in a pack. The second one is a space to write down the time you smoked a cigarette. The third column is the widest one, and that's where you write down exactly what you are doing when you smoke that cigarette (right after dinner, after waking up, when stressed, etc.). This gives you a record of your triggers for smoking so that you can see why you smoke. The last part of this requires you to wrap your pack of cigarettes in the paper you made, and secure it with a rubber band. Every time you go for a smoke, you have to unwrap the pack, write down your time and reason, and rewrap the pack in the paper and rubber band. Only then should you light up the cig. As the days go on, they encourage you to keep the pack in places that are hard to reach. So like if you're driving, they want you to put the pack in the trunk so that you have to pull over for a smoke. Obviously, they are trying to make you very aware of each cig you have.

One other thing that makes you aware of how much you smoke is to only empty the ashtray once a day. Continually emptying the ashtray is a bad idea for people who smoke too much because they are simply blocking out the fact that they smoke so much. It's a form of denial. My mom does it, and it drives me crazy. She'll empty the ashtray after just one or two smokes, and I don't think it's simply because of a cleanliness factor or anything like that.

If your wife smokes because of some kind of trauma in her childhood, she should try FasterEFT. Even if she isn't aware of a connection between a person or event and her smoking, it may still be there. If she has emotional issues, she could do the FasterEFT for that, and it may simply resolve her smoking issues without them ever being directly addressed. The link below is to the "Start to Learn" playlist on the FasterEFT youtube channel, should you be interested.


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hZ8Y...F36C2C7F4BB94D

For her coughing problems, she might benefit from a therapeutic enzyme from Enzymedica called "MucoStop". They are taken on an empty stomach. This particular enzyme is very good at clearing out excess mucous. If she's sick with anything like bronchitis, she should also take something like oil of oregano capsules (North American Spice Company is the best brand, IMO). I would do a full course, which is either 30 or 60 gel caps--two per day with a couple of the enzymes--until the infection is cleared.
 
Old 06-30-2016, 11:58 AM
bg7
 
7,698 posts, read 7,627,262 times
Reputation: 14991
If her coughing has got consistently worse and she is producing a lot of phlegm you need to look out for other symptoms. (Also is there ever any red in the phlegm?) If she is fatigued or has a loss of appetite she may well already have a lung cancer. If she's not going to quit can you at least talk sense into her about getting a medical and lung x-ray?
 
Old 06-30-2016, 03:43 PM
 
Location: home state of Myrtle Beach!
6,233 posts, read 18,123,468 times
Reputation: 3419
7 years ago I could see what was happening to the smoker’s around me and knew I had to find a way to quit smoking cigarettes. I tried an e-cigarette and kicked my smoking habit on the first day. All around me I see smokers getting deathly ill and yes, dying. A few years ago I lost a childhood friend to cancer, we smoked together in middle school. Last July I lost my husband, a smoker for 50 years, to Kidney Cancer that had spread. This year finds an Uncle battling Liver Cancer that has spread. All smokers, now dead or dying. Do you see the common thread? Smoking causes death and our government allows big tobacco to keep selling their cancer sticks even though when used as directed consumers are becoming sick and dying. How many harmful products are on the open market today, are allowed to harm those who use that product?

Former smokers suffering from COPD and Asthma are reporting improvement in bothersome symptoms after switching to e-cigs and this improvement is documented by test results in their medical records!
 
Old 06-30-2016, 03:47 PM
 
Location: Charlotte county, Florida
4,102 posts, read 4,992,344 times
Reputation: 11837
Are you for real??

She needs to divorce you now...
 
Old 06-30-2016, 03:50 PM
 
4,804 posts, read 1,351,350 times
Reputation: 4770
First, HUGE congratulations to you, not only for quitting, but even more so for managing to quit while you were in the company of a smoker.

I think you have to say something like: No one knows better that I do how hard it is to quit, but we can't wait around another year or another decade for you to be "ready." You'll never be "ready" if you're imagining that some day it will magically become easy for you. But I love you and it tortures me to hear the coughing symptoms. And it's unacceptable to jeopardize the health of our small daughter, because you know that children growing up in smoking households have long-term problems. We need to sit down and talk about the various methods available for quitting, and have you choose what route you want to take. Now. Would you like to join a group? Would you like to try hypnosis? Would you like to see a doctor?
 
Old 06-30-2016, 03:50 PM
 
18,775 posts, read 6,129,215 times
Reputation: 12663
People do KICK the habit, why can't it be done by all and of course, don't ever ever start. Never pick up a cancer stick. People KICK habits, it takes hard work as I understand but isn't life worth it.

I have friends with food addictions and they just don't STOP their addictions and are smart people...I guess smart doesn't matter.
 
Old 06-30-2016, 04:12 PM
 
Location: Out West
20,595 posts, read 15,415,894 times
Reputation: 24157
Quote:
Originally Posted by graneenja View Post
Wife and I have been married for 3 years, I am 30 and she is 29. When we met we were both smokers but I quit after a process that was not easy. I encouraged my then gf to quit and she of course said she would but never did. She told me she has been a smoker since she was 15 and her mother who is also a smoker would buy her packs. The thing is lately, probably the past 4 months she has really been hacking and coughing a lot, in the middle of the night, when she wakes up and even at work. She will even spit up mucus and phlegm. We have a one year old daughter as well that I am worried about. She smokes about 1-2 packs a day and I am really concerned. Being a former smoker myself I do realize how very difficult it can be to quit but at this rate I am worried she won't live to see our daughter graduate High School or at least college.

I try to be understanding about and don't want to be hypocritical but I am concerned with her long term health. I have tried talking to her about it but she says she will quit when she's ready. Admittedly I have said the same but I did manage to quit.
You cannot talk someone in to quitting. They quit when they want to, as she said. I quit. But I quit when I was ready, not when someone else told me I should or needed to for the thousand reasons why people say you should or need to. It wasn't about anyone else, it was about me.

I used a disposable e-cig by Blu to help me through the cravings. You only take a single puff, it just gets you through the worst of it. I still think about cigarettes every so often. I have been able to be around other people who smoke and not want a cigarette, something I never thought would happen. I only bought one disposable e-cig for $10. It said it gave 400 puffs...equal to 2 packs of smokes, it said. I never finished it.

Maybe she could get a disposable e-cig, don't take her cigs away, just get one WITH her smokes, let her pick it up on her own time and try it out. It may work. Everyone has their own way that works. Despite what some "experts" believe, there is no one right way to quit. However, there will never be success if someone isn't actually ready to do it. Getting on her about it will only make her want to smoke more. Think back to when you were a smoker...remember your thoughts and attitudes. You know what it is, you know how hard it is to break it, you know how you felt when someone put in their two cents. Don't be that guy.
 
Old 07-01-2016, 11:27 AM
 
Location: Midwest, USA
706 posts, read 395,972 times
Reputation: 600
Quote:
Originally Posted by Caligula1 View Post
Are you for real??

She needs to divorce you now...
Huh? Why? He obviously cares about her and their daughter. Why should she divorce him because he cares about her?
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