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Old 11-12-2018, 04:37 AM
 
Location: Florida
18,419 posts, read 18,698,722 times
Reputation: 21185

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Regardless of how determined you are (before drinking) to limit yourself, as soon as you (susceptible people) take that first drink, the alcohol lowers your capacity to make intelligent decisions.
It does seem to happen easier when you're alone and not as inclined to 'behave' in the moderating influence of others
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Old 11-12-2018, 09:24 AM
 
183 posts, read 46,001 times
Reputation: 627
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolehboleh View Post
I never really started drinking until I got to college and I found that I only did it because I thought it made me seem more interesting. People were really cruel to me and I never thought I was a very interesting person, but when I drank everyone would laugh at my antics. I was the life of the party.

After college, I would only binge drink on weekends. I've never missed a day of work because of alcohol, but I'd make up for it on weekends. Now I've been married for 9 years and I usually control myself when my wife is around. Sometimes not, however. Normally, I enjoy a little bit of wine, but sometimes I can't control my impulses.

A 40 year old man shouldn't be getting black out drunk, and yet I do it every 3 or 4 months.
Speaking from the perspective of someone who was once married to someone who was a functional alcoholic until he wasn't, the fact that you recognize that you have a problem is the first step and I applaud you for that.

Your personal story sounds quite like that of my former husband (although people were not cruel to him, he still had a tendency to self-medicate his depression and anxieties with alcohol as you do. People also thought that he was the life of the party. Never missed work until things began to get out of control, etc.). He once described his binge drinking as a flood gate that would open with that very first drink. When we'd have a drink together with a meal, for example, he was able to limit himself just as you do with you own wife. (I've never been much of a drinker myself.) He thought that he was hiding his drinking from me, but I knew that it was going on. Hearing the refrigerator open, the sound of the ice in the glass, hearing the clink of the bottle on the glass...seeing the bottles in the recycling bin or in the back of his car for him to dispose of at work....I can just about guarantee that your wife is both aware and concerned about your drinking problem.

I watched a gentle, bright man who had everything that a man could want lose everything due to the bottle.

Please try to nip this behavior in the bud. You are running the risk of losing everything if you let your alcoholism spiral out of control. (And what you're doing *is* classic alcoholic behavior--even if it's only occurring every three to four months. Alcoholism is a progressive illness.)

Please continue to attend meetings if they are helpful for you.
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Old 11-12-2018, 09:37 AM
 
622 posts, read 417,026 times
Reputation: 940
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolehboleh View Post
I'm wondering if I have a problem...

Normally I drink socially, or even have a glass of wine a couple times of week. No biggie.

But for some reason, every few months or so I just get these urges to go waaaay overboard. Black out drunk and I don't know why. I'm not 20 anymore, I'm 40. It's like my brain is saying "this is a bad idea" but my hands and body keep ordering another drink.

Last week I was on business in Bangkok and I have no idea how I got back to my hotel room, which can be a pretty dangerous proposition for Bangkok. I woke up fully clothed and feeling awful. I don't know why I can't control myself.

Should I just quit drinking cold turkey? I like having the occasional glass of wine with my wife, but is it only making things worse?
There is an AA in Bangkok. I live in Thailand and am an Al-Anon member. Only you can answer that question yourself about being an alcoholic. I wish you the best of luck in your search.

https://www.aathailand.org/meetings/Bangkok
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Old 11-12-2018, 10:47 AM
 
5,924 posts, read 3,371,755 times
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Time to stop and it sounds like you are wise enough to know and face it. Try putting the time, energy, and money into something authentic like working on your health, a hobby, your family, community, etc. (BTW no one finds a black out drunk interesting. More like pathetic. THAT'S not what you want!) Best Wishes!!
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Old 11-12-2018, 11:37 AM
 
5,293 posts, read 3,061,168 times
Reputation: 18049
Quote:
Originally Posted by Matt Marcinkiewicz View Post
I live to binge drink. It is legitimately my favorite life activity. Michio Kaku once 'told me' (by that I mean he said this in a prepared lecture at the University of Buffalo, at which I was in attendance) that mass-produced synthetic livers would be feasible within the medium-term future; I live my life as if their arrival in the medical marketplace is assured tomorrow.
If you drink alcoholically your liver is the least of your worries. It's usually one of the last things to go. That's after losing people's respect, loved ones, jobs, much of your belongings and financial independence, and a respectable legal status. Self-esteem should probably be in there somewhere, too.

Science can't replace any of those things. Just something to think about. . .
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Old 11-12-2018, 01:06 PM
 
73 posts, read 13,020 times
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OP. Why do you even have to ask? You should quit cold turkey. Or, resign yourself to the fact you will wake up one day after one of your black out binges in a wheelchair taking your meals through a straw for the rest of your life.
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Old 11-12-2018, 02:00 PM
 
2,445 posts, read 1,667,485 times
Reputation: 4259
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolehboleh View Post
I'm wondering if I have a problem...

Normally I drink socially, or even have a glass of wine a couple times of week. No biggie.

But for some reason, every few months or so I just get these urges to go waaaay overboard. Black out drunk and I don't know why. I'm not 20 anymore, I'm 40. It's like my brain is saying "this is a bad idea" but my hands and body keep ordering another drink.

Last week I was on business in Bangkok and I have no idea how I got back to my hotel room, which can be a pretty dangerous proposition for Bangkok. I woke up fully clothed and feeling awful. I don't know why I can't control myself.

Should I just quit drinking cold turkey? I like having the occasional glass of wine with my wife, but is it only making things worse?
Okay,here's my take from the saloon bar of life.
Relax.
You're only doing what millions of people without a drink problem do and that's tie one on occasionally.
I'm in my seventh decade and have had an alcoholic drink pretty much every day for the last five of them.
Sometimes I've had two or three,sometimes more,sometimes less and sometimes an almighty bender when out with old pals.
Ah the joys of that first gin and tonic of the day or a glass or two of champagne to celebrate an occasion or drinking superb claret in a good restaurant in deepest France or some cool creamy pints of stout in a lively Irish bar or a bottle of chilled retsina with a few olives as the sun is setting on a Greek island or a sharp martini in a smart Manhattan bar or talking nonsense in a dive bar off the Vegas stip over a few long-necks and a game of pool or a pint or two of classic English ale in a Cotswolds pub or a glass or two of smooth Dalwhinnie single malt to warm up after a hike in cold weather or a rum cocktail at a beach bar in Barbados or a three-bottle lunch with a couple of old pals that stretches into cocktails and before you know it it's time for dinner and more wine without even leaving the table from lunch.
I could go on.
These are fabulous,boozy memories of a life enjoying alcohol without the guilt and hang-ups that seem to accompany it for so many people these days.
It never affected my work or family and I retired a millionaire with two,successful grown-up kids and a loving wife who all like to knock back a few drinks with me when they can.
Herself and I just spent two weeks boozing our way up through Florida from Key West to Tampa.What a blast.
And my medical history-nothing major but just the wear and tear of age.Liver function fine,cholesterol ok and just a tad overweight but nothing scary.
That's not so say alcoholism isn't a very serious issue and those who suffer from it have my sympathies.
And yes I've woken up like you in some funny old states.
But from the sound of it you don't need AA or anything like it.
Just try to set yourself a limit of what you're going to drink even if you don't always stop there.It happens occasionally.
Remember God generally looks after fools and drunks but he needs your help to do it.
And life is too short as it is not to enjoy alcohol.
Even the good lord Jesus like turning water into wine.

Last edited by Roscoe Conkling; 11-12-2018 at 02:09 PM..
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Old 11-12-2018, 02:07 PM
 
2,194 posts, read 828,114 times
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If drinking affects your life negatively, puts you into dangerous situations, then it is an alcohol problem and alcohol abuse but not necessarily addiction. It sounds like you are impulsive rather than compulsive. Read this book: Science of Addiction.
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Old 11-12-2018, 03:34 PM
 
2,507 posts, read 1,753,575 times
Reputation: 4291
Quote:
Originally Posted by bolehboleh View Post
I'm wondering if I have a problem...

Normally I drink socially, or even have a glass of wine a couple times of week. No biggie.

But for some reason, every few months or so I just get these urges to go waaaay overboard. Black out drunk and I don't know why. I'm not 20 anymore, I'm 40. It's like my brain is saying "this is a bad idea" but my hands and body keep ordering another drink.

Last week I was on business in Bangkok and I have no idea how I got back to my hotel room, which can be a pretty dangerous proposition for Bangkok. I woke up fully clothed and feeling awful. I don't know why I can't control myself.

Should I just quit drinking cold turkey? I like having the occasional glass of wine with my wife, but is it only making things worse?


Assuming "every few months or so..." is ACCURATE. skip the AA stuff. Just cut yourself off when you feel a "binge" coming on. And (as you implied) do it for your own good. Getting clobbered and robbed or getting a DUI ain't cool. You're at an age. It's not all that unusual for 40-ish year olds to go overboard once in a while. Often, it's simply the social setting at the time and place. Nothing more to explain it.


You can still have a wine with wifey, but if you see it transitioning into a bottle, you cut yourself off. Entirely sober people do this all the time, and they always have.


Don't buy into this business of requiring someone else to order you around to keep you out of trouble. You're 40. You know darned well how to conduct yourself by now.
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Old 11-12-2018, 08:37 PM
 
Location: Central IL
13,618 posts, read 7,295,746 times
Reputation: 31522
Just wondering how much your wife knows about these escapades of yours? And they do seem to be "escapes" when you feel like you deserve to be a "bad boy" maybe specifically when you're away from your wife or she's just not around? Think about your motivations - I don't think you're quite as impulsive and mindless about it as you seem to think.
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